Subject: Checkin' in

Date: Sat, 12 Jul 1997 18:06:33 -0400

From: Sister Pammy of the Soil <toxiccow@cphl.mindspring.com>

Organization: Toxic Cow

Newsgroups: alt.slack

 

Sis Pammy took her mighty uberpipes to a 4th of July festival and sang

her heart out. My group did a great job actually, and with a minimum of

nervousness, which drives me crazy. I love performing, and the thing

most likly to fuck up my high is to have perfectly competent,

well-rehearsed singers do a lousy job just because there are strangers

watching. Like oh-my-god they're judging me, I better start shaking!

 

Well fuck that. What I do instead is take those nerves and turn it into

a nice adrenaline buzz that I can ride. I did my best solo once when we

followed some dynamite singers on stage. I had such bad butterflies that

I could hardly hang on to my notes. But three songs into it I had a solo

and it was do or die of embarrassment. So I channeled those nerves into

a nice vibrato and belted the hell out of the song.

 

Luckily, it looks like turnover will be light this year and I'll only be

adding a couple of new people in the fall. So far that's how it looks

anyway. This is my tightest group yet, so I hate to mess with the mix

much.

 

The rev and I have been way busy, gardening, beaching, starting a new

business, doing music. Ah, summer!

 

The beach and I go way back. I lived on the coast till I was ten or

twelve, and when I get there I just automatically kick into "I'm home!"

It's funny, with all the stuff I tend to do at home--I tend to relax by

writing an article while rehearsing a song while taking some cuttings

while planning where the new trees are gonna go--I get to the beach and

I lose all that business, all that busyness. Instead of being a "do"

person, I become a "being" person. I used to have the funniest

conversations with a friend on the west coast. He'd be asking how I am

and I'd talk about what I 'd been doing. And then I'd ask what he'd been

doing and he'd talk about how he'd been. I do enjoy just "being", but I

think I've made it hard for myself at home by building such great

gardens (that need attention) and starting my own singing group (instead

of just joining one of the ones around here, but their music sucks!).

 

I love to work on stuff and have lots of projects lined up--makes me

feel rich. When I hit teenagerhood and started hanging out with people,

I remember being bored an awful lot. They all thought it was great to

get stoned and watch TV with the sound off. I thought, "My god, is this

what being grown up is supposed to be like, working all day so you can

come home and take your mind off the hook?" Not for me, baby!

 

I very unapologetically measure my days by what I get accomplished. The

trick I'm working on now is how to bring the beach home with me, so I

can relax amidst all the fun stuff I've created to keep myself feeling

rich. How to have relaxation feel like an accomplishment. After many

years of punching my own clock, I think it's time.

 

Sis Pammy

checkin' in with this here babblelog