Whew! Yea! Another Newbie SAVED!!
Louise, I was just writing to dangle the bait that is the
Divine Excuse as well as step up to the "Hello" plate and
take a swing - but this is MUCH BETTER! Let me be first in
line to offer my assistance in this Holiest of Ceremonies:
YO EVERYBODY! ShorDurMassCONsummation Time! Line up here!
Don't jostle! Come on, wait yer turn! Where's Dave Lynch?
Dave? Oh, I think he's in Ohio...
I'll try to keep them single file. Don't worry, this won't
hurt a bit...
Louise, er, Rev. Louise (What ARE we gonna call you now?)
You Done Good. Don't worry too much about Visions of "Bob",
it's the Elder Gods who you gotta keep an eye on. I once
was sitting around, minding my own business, when I got this
weird idea for a post. Little did I know that I was being
Manipulated like a Pawn by the vast incomprehensibility of a
malevolent Xist. I sat down and banged out the message to
alt.slack, and as soon as I hit Send I was instantly
Transported. I realized that the whole time I THOUGHT I was
home writing, I was actually in the very ANTEROOM of the
Gods. The Illusion was shattered only because the
particular Xist (who was talking to "Bob" at the time, had a
stray thought and, using merely an inconsequential mote of
it's vast power, had me Doing It's Bidding) got distracted
for a moment. That moment was enough for me...The Xist was
laughing, doing the equivalent of pounding it's drinking
vessel on the table, and I WAS THAT VESSEL. I began to
Vomit Diarrea and Bleed from the Anus, my Entrails Spewing
onto the Floor. I looked to "Bob" for help...
And "Bob" didn't CARE! Hell, "Bob" didn't even NOTICE!
Through all the noise and the stench and the entrails, "Bob"
calmly kept Working the Sale, going over the finer points of
timing and such.
And THATS why I have placed my trust in "Bob". He REALLY
IS our best hope, you know...
Rev. Random the Other
ps. - Did anyone tell you that you can VOTE for SubG
President? It's true - 1$ per vote, vote as often as you
wish, FOR or AGAINST any SubG you wish! Hurry Hurry!
Anyone with a positive vote balance gets elected
SubGenius President! YOU COULD BE SUBGENIUS PRESIDENT!
Gotta Hurry Though! Heh Heh, thirty dollars...wait until
the Church is getting 45% of your pre-tax income....