Subject: Re: The only thing wrong with "hip"

Date: Sat, 28 Sep 1996 15:34:47 GMT

From: iceknife@lanminds.com (ICEKNIFE)

Organization: LanMinds, Inc. (Not Responsible for Content)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3

 

dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) ,

and a host of other desperate, crunty, un-hip

lugoons wrote:

<an endless snail-trail of braying self-agrandisement and pathetic

populist plebe pseudo-philosophy that I've mecrifully, graciously

MURDERED IN IT'S FUCKING SLEEP >

 

Let ol' ICEKNIFE help straighten alla this out:

1). NO ONE IS HIP WHILE LIVING:

Dean Martin? Sure.

James Dean? yeah.

John Dean? not yet.

Bob Dean? never.

Jimmy Dean? sausage.

 

TRUE and enduring hipness is reserved for such worthies as Lazlo Toth,

Spartacus, Satan, Tesla, God, Catherine The Really Great, Homer (the

blind one, not the fat one), and the beggar Kuey (he invented

hashish)... the rest of the trendoids will not withstand the test of

time. Only truly revolutionary work remains hip thru da ages. Mere

gesture-lives lived to appease the geeking reflex of a consumer

society are doomed to be forgotten like the unshown, unwanted, unlost

episodes of Hello Larry (the fact that LOU remebers Hello Larry simply

proves my point).

 

2). Sell out! (if it brings you SLACK, stoooopid, NOT OTHERWISE, AND

HOW FUCKING DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NEED *ME* TO EXPLAIN THIS TO

YOU???)

 

3.ALL THINGS ARE EITHER PIMPIN' OR GEEKIN' or some combination

thereof. A certain ragspicker told me once that there was a time when

a cabbage was simply a cabbage, but nowadays a cabbage must be it's

own pimp as well; this is true. Artists are the true whores of

society, and if you show me an artist with an ounce of moral

indignation, I'll show you someone who needs a meal, a bath, years of

therapy, and a draino high colonic.There are those high-minded low

brain-powered individuals who will insist on repeating the tired old

joke about the dowager and the gigalo, in which the crone in question

asks a young man if he'd bestow his favors upon an elderly woman for a

million pounds.The young man pauses long enough to appear thoughtful,

then replies that he would indeed, for such a grand sum. The old woman

then asks if he'd do the same for three pounds ten and cab fare. The

young man indignantly asks "What do you think I am?" and the woman

replies "We have established what you are, now we need only settle on

a price". There are no members of our industrial age societies who

interact on any level who are not in some part both pimps and geeks,

and there are no pimps who don't pimp themselves JUST BY BEING PIMPS.

EGO, all pimps are also whores, but SOME of us, like the fat old

dowager have forgotten, we're ALL whores. Artists in particular must

be worse than whores, SLUTS to their art... whether it feeds them or

not. The old woman may pretend to not see a distinction between a camp

follower and the king's mistress, but that won't come up where it can

reach the king's ears, and further, standing the two side by side,

does anyone doubt that they feel VERY different?

 

HENCE:

 

4) Being a whore and knowing it is short money, but it's GOOD short

money. The LONG "money" if you will, is found in the SLUT aspect, the

compulsion to CREATE, not the drive to convince ones' self that one

has anything of worth to share or show. The baby artist shits on the

canvas and squeals in delight at their cleverness... the adult artist

gives SEED AND EGG, SALT AND SPINE to their art, and damn the critics.

This is why some many greats die virtually unknown... talent AND slut

reflex OFTEN outstrip personal STYLE (hipness)... Again, observe LOU!

 

5) Dobbs came to free you to SET the hipness standard... unless you

LIKE middle aged men in NYC and a group of heterofags in LA doing it

FOR you and fucking EVERYONE ELSE. Shit, you have thumbs, why can't

YOU drive the goddamn zamboni machine, huh? DOBBS wants you to be SUCH

a GEEK that you can PIMP your very GEEKINESS *ITSELF*, with ease,

cash, and SLACK, oh yes, above all SLACK. Did you think you'd BACK OUT

of being a nerd? Thought you'd OUTGROW your "awkward years"? Hell, you

might at that, but don't expect to outgrow your PUTZ gene! You were

all born SPECIFICLY, UNIQUELY FUCKING *DUMB*. Dobbs have given you the

tools known previously only to certain tibetan holy folk, and the

Knights Shemplar: the Way of The SubGenius. We are like the mighty

grouse, with it's bright mating rill puffed out, or the frightened

cat, hair extended to it's full length - we can be as BIG as our own

DUMBNESS! The lesson is simple... there's way out going IN and

THROUGH.

 

6.NOTHING is hip.

"Bob" is NOTHING.

"Bob" is hip... but only as hip as everyone... which ain't much.

 

7.From now on, if you get confused, re-read this and know how

incredibly hip *I* am.

 

Cool, huh?

Yeah, pretty hip!

That'll be $3.50 from EACH of you!!!

 

ICEKNIFE, last of the hip cool hipster hepcat dudes

MODERN STYLE GUIDEBOOK! SASE & $2 TO: PO.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214