Subject: Re: The only thing wrong with "hip"
Date: Sat, 28 Sep 1996 15:34:47 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (ICEKNIFE)
Organization: LanMinds, Inc. (Not Responsible for Content)
References: 1 , 2 , 3
email@example.com (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) ,
and a host of other desperate, crunty, un-hip
<an endless snail-trail of braying self-agrandisement and pathetic
populist plebe pseudo-philosophy that I've mecrifully, graciously
MURDERED IN IT'S FUCKING SLEEP >
Let ol' ICEKNIFE help straighten alla this out:
1). NO ONE IS HIP WHILE LIVING:
Dean Martin? Sure.
James Dean? yeah.
John Dean? not yet.
Bob Dean? never.
Jimmy Dean? sausage.
TRUE and enduring hipness is reserved for such worthies as Lazlo Toth,
Spartacus, Satan, Tesla, God, Catherine The Really Great, Homer (the
blind one, not the fat one), and the beggar Kuey (he invented
hashish)... the rest of the trendoids will not withstand the test of
time. Only truly revolutionary work remains hip thru da ages. Mere
gesture-lives lived to appease the geeking reflex of a consumer
society are doomed to be forgotten like the unshown, unwanted, unlost
episodes of Hello Larry (the fact that LOU remebers Hello Larry simply
proves my point).
2). Sell out! (if it brings you SLACK, stoooopid, NOT OTHERWISE, AND
HOW FUCKING DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NEED *ME* TO EXPLAIN THIS TO
3.ALL THINGS ARE EITHER PIMPIN' OR GEEKIN' or some combination
thereof. A certain ragspicker told me once that there was a time when
a cabbage was simply a cabbage, but nowadays a cabbage must be it's
own pimp as well; this is true. Artists are the true whores of
society, and if you show me an artist with an ounce of moral
indignation, I'll show you someone who needs a meal, a bath, years of
therapy, and a draino high colonic.There are those high-minded low
brain-powered individuals who will insist on repeating the tired old
joke about the dowager and the gigalo, in which the crone in question
asks a young man if he'd bestow his favors upon an elderly woman for a
million pounds.The young man pauses long enough to appear thoughtful,
then replies that he would indeed, for such a grand sum. The old woman
then asks if he'd do the same for three pounds ten and cab fare. The
young man indignantly asks "What do you think I am?" and the woman
replies "We have established what you are, now we need only settle on
a price". There are no members of our industrial age societies who
interact on any level who are not in some part both pimps and geeks,
and there are no pimps who don't pimp themselves JUST BY BEING PIMPS.
EGO, all pimps are also whores, but SOME of us, like the fat old
dowager have forgotten, we're ALL whores. Artists in particular must
be worse than whores, SLUTS to their art... whether it feeds them or
not. The old woman may pretend to not see a distinction between a camp
follower and the king's mistress, but that won't come up where it can
reach the king's ears, and further, standing the two side by side,
does anyone doubt that they feel VERY different?
4) Being a whore and knowing it is short money, but it's GOOD short
money. The LONG "money" if you will, is found in the SLUT aspect, the
compulsion to CREATE, not the drive to convince ones' self that one
has anything of worth to share or show. The baby artist shits on the
canvas and squeals in delight at their cleverness... the adult artist
gives SEED AND EGG, SALT AND SPINE to their art, and damn the critics.
This is why some many greats die virtually unknown... talent AND slut
reflex OFTEN outstrip personal STYLE (hipness)... Again, observe LOU!
5) Dobbs came to free you to SET the hipness standard... unless you
LIKE middle aged men in NYC and a group of heterofags in LA doing it
FOR you and fucking EVERYONE ELSE. Shit, you have thumbs, why can't
YOU drive the goddamn zamboni machine, huh? DOBBS wants you to be SUCH
a GEEK that you can PIMP your very GEEKINESS *ITSELF*, with ease,
cash, and SLACK, oh yes, above all SLACK. Did you think you'd BACK OUT
of being a nerd? Thought you'd OUTGROW your "awkward years"? Hell, you
might at that, but don't expect to outgrow your PUTZ gene! You were
all born SPECIFICLY, UNIQUELY FUCKING *DUMB*. Dobbs have given you the
tools known previously only to certain tibetan holy folk, and the
Knights Shemplar: the Way of The SubGenius. We are like the mighty
grouse, with it's bright mating rill puffed out, or the frightened
cat, hair extended to it's full length - we can be as BIG as our own
DUMBNESS! The lesson is simple... there's way out going IN and
6.NOTHING is hip.
"Bob" is NOTHING.
"Bob" is hip... but only as hip as everyone... which ain't much.
7.From now on, if you get confused, re-read this and know how
incredibly hip *I* am.
Yeah, pretty hip!
That'll be $3.50 from EACH of you!!!
ICEKNIFE, last of the hip cool hipster hepcat dudes
MODERN STYLE GUIDEBOOK! SASE & $2 TO: PO.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214