The US Government has SEEN THE LIGHT and recently passed

a PRO-SubGenius LAW that will do more to spread the Wor

of "Bob" in the US than any bill short of the Controlled

Substance Act. While not actually mentioning "Bob", this

new law supports the INTENT of the Church dogma by promoting

the concept "Repent, Quit Your Job and Slack Off" as only

the federal government can.


Yes, they are still PINK, but their hearts are in the right

places on this one. Yes, they don't REALLY understand Slack,

but in their own special way they want to contribute to the

Cause, and encourage a segment of the population to experience

Slacking Off first hand. Of course, "Bob" will profit greatly.


The Law that I refer to, passed in both House and Senate and

signed into law by the president, is known as the Omnibus

Consolidated Appropriations Act and took effect on September 30,

1996. A typically massive spending bill with dozens of the

usual pork barrel projects, this bill contained a provision

ammending the 1968 Gun Control Act and made it illegal for

anyone convicted of a domestic violence crime to own firearms

or ammunition. No big deal there...but wait! The conviction

for domestic violence need only be a misdemeanor conviction to

qualify for loss of Second Ammendment right to own a weapon.


The law is also retroactive, and applies to any conviction any

time in the past no matter how long ago. Although it does not

spell out what constitutes domestic violence, it does specify

a $20,000 fine and ten years in prison. Oh yes, and the Law

does not exempt law enforcement or military personnel, several

of whom have been dismissed from their jobs and must turn over

their private rifles and shotguns and ammo. BATF has been

sending around a letter to all law agencies encouraging them to

"confiscate weapons and arrest anyone who is now become ineligible

to own a weapon."


The Church benefits. Where do you think all those confiscated

guns and ammo - and not just handguns - will end up? In Church

coffers, of course. "Bob" promoted this idea at the highest

levels, forseeing the need to stock up for X-day. "Bob" knows

that only guns, and not just some piece of Constitution, will

protect those SubGenii left behind, unable to muster the $30

dollars needed for Salvation due to excessive taxes, or perhaps

just unwilling to believe, based on previous experience, that

Freedom COULD be theirs. And we can ALL use the extra ammo

on that fateful day, as I believe that we ALL underestimate the

firepower that we, in our exuberance, will desire once the

celebration begins.


And all the new converts who will be Slacking Off without jobs,

or in prisons, having their EYES OPENED to the possibilities of

a NEW LIFE, joining the Church when they see that "Bob" has

provided the very Slack they now revel in - YEAH! - these new

recruits shall more than offset any inconvience this new Law may

bring in the little time we have left.


And although not a gun owner myself (none that I've REGISTERED,

anyway) and CERTAINLY not a person to entertain the notion of

domestic violence (Sister Pammy would KICK MY ASS) and being a

person who does not trivialize the VERY REAL problems of domestic

violence in this country, I still cannot get over how "Bob" is

firmly IN CHARGE, how if anyone can protect us from the Pinkness

in High Places it is "Bob". Or how much TRUST I place in "Bob".


And also how often "Bob" places some innocuous piece of Pink

Trash, such as the Gun Nut Magazine with the truly humorous name

of American Survival Guide (the Magazine of Self Reliance,

March 97) in such circumstances that I not only FIND it, but

KNOW that it was for me TO FIND.



Rev. Random the Other

"First they came for the ASSHOLES,

but I didn't complain because I'm not an ASSHOLE.

Then they came for the 'Frop.

So I had to kill them."