The US Government has SEEN THE LIGHT and recently passed
a PRO-SubGenius LAW that will do more to spread the Wor
of "Bob" in the US than any bill short of the Controlled
Substance Act. While not actually mentioning "Bob", this
new law supports the INTENT of the Church dogma by promoting
the concept "Repent, Quit Your Job and Slack Off" as only
the federal government can.
Yes, they are still PINK, but their hearts are in the right
places on this one. Yes, they don't REALLY understand Slack,
but in their own special way they want to contribute to the
Cause, and encourage a segment of the population to experience
Slacking Off first hand. Of course, "Bob" will profit greatly.
The Law that I refer to, passed in both House and Senate and
signed into law by the president, is known as the Omnibus
Consolidated Appropriations Act and took effect on September 30,
1996. A typically massive spending bill with dozens of the
usual pork barrel projects, this bill contained a provision
ammending the 1968 Gun Control Act and made it illegal for
anyone convicted of a domestic violence crime to own firearms
or ammunition. No big deal there...but wait! The conviction
for domestic violence need only be a misdemeanor conviction to
qualify for loss of Second Ammendment right to own a weapon.
The law is also retroactive, and applies to any conviction any
time in the past no matter how long ago. Although it does not
spell out what constitutes domestic violence, it does specify
a $20,000 fine and ten years in prison. Oh yes, and the Law
does not exempt law enforcement or military personnel, several
of whom have been dismissed from their jobs and must turn over
their private rifles and shotguns and ammo. BATF has been
sending around a letter to all law agencies encouraging them to
"confiscate weapons and arrest anyone who is now become ineligible
to own a weapon."
The Church benefits. Where do you think all those confiscated
guns and ammo - and not just handguns - will end up? In Church
coffers, of course. "Bob" promoted this idea at the highest
levels, forseeing the need to stock up for X-day. "Bob" knows
that only guns, and not just some piece of Constitution, will
protect those SubGenii left behind, unable to muster the $30
dollars needed for Salvation due to excessive taxes, or perhaps
just unwilling to believe, based on previous experience, that
Freedom COULD be theirs. And we can ALL use the extra ammo
on that fateful day, as I believe that we ALL underestimate the
firepower that we, in our exuberance, will desire once the
And all the new converts who will be Slacking Off without jobs,
or in prisons, having their EYES OPENED to the possibilities of
a NEW LIFE, joining the Church when they see that "Bob" has
provided the very Slack they now revel in - YEAH! - these new
recruits shall more than offset any inconvience this new Law may
bring in the little time we have left.
And although not a gun owner myself (none that I've REGISTERED,
anyway) and CERTAINLY not a person to entertain the notion of
domestic violence (Sister Pammy would KICK MY ASS) and being a
person who does not trivialize the VERY REAL problems of domestic
violence in this country, I still cannot get over how "Bob" is
firmly IN CHARGE, how if anyone can protect us from the Pinkness
in High Places it is "Bob". Or how much TRUST I place in "Bob".
And also how often "Bob" places some innocuous piece of Pink
Trash, such as the Gun Nut Magazine with the truly humorous name
of American Survival Guide (the Magazine of Self Reliance,
March 97) in such circumstances that I not only FIND it, but
KNOW that it was for me TO FIND.
Rev. Random the Other
"First they came for the ASSHOLES,
but I didn't complain because I'm not an ASSHOLE.
Then they came for the 'Frop.
So I had to kill them."