|About six months ago I received the enclosed post in

|letter form. I ignored it. I received about five more of

|the same letter within the next two weeks. I ignored them

|also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and

|dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it was just

|another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong!

|About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a

|local bulletin board in Sydney. I liked the idea of

|giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect much

|because I figured, if other people were as sceptical as I,

|they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis. But,

|I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing

|to show for it but ticket stubs. This week I decided to

|look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the

|envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis in each as directed.

|Two weeks went by and I didn't receive anything in the mail.

|The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what

|happened! I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was

|definitely well over 35,000! For the first time in all my

|years, I was adequately endowed. It was great. Of course, it

|didn't take me long to feel inadequate again so I am using

|this excellent penis enlargement opportunity once again. Follow the

|instructions and get ready to enjoy.

|

| Please send a copy of this letter along with the

|enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are

|sceptical that it really works!

|

| Good Luck,

| (Your name)

|

|

|INSTRUCTIONS

|

|Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you

|will have received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours.

|This program has remained successful because of the inadequacy

|and vanity of the participants. Please continue its

|success by carefully adhering to the instructions.

|

|Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement! This little business

|is a little different than most cosmetic surgery. Your product

|is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service. You are in

|the business of extending penii. Many small of

|endowment are happy to pay big bucks for this service.

| (The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the

| income which is made from people like yourself requesting

| that they be included in that list.)

|

| 1) Immediately cut off your penis at the base.

|

| 2) Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.

|

| 3) Take the remaining mid-section of your penis, and cut it

| into 5 pieces of equal length.

|

| 4) Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed

| below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send penis only

| please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each

| piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list."

| (This is a legitimate service that you

| are requesting and you are paying your penis

| for this service).

|

| 2) Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list.

| Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will

| become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.)

| Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10

| position.

|

| 3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10

| position into 10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the

| message base or to the file section, call the file,

| MAKE.PENIS.FAST.

|

| 4) Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of

| PENIS. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can

| use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement.

| As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically

| in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis

| to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to

| a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow

| Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become

| more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is

| perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18,

| Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.

|

| NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent

| to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not

| discard the names and notes they send you. This is

| PROOF that you are truly providing a service and

| should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency

| question you, you can provide them with this proof!

|

| Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions

| carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for

| their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis

| each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that

| when your name reaches the number five position you will be

| receiving thousands of inches in penis.

|

| 1. Daniel J. Karnes 6394-B Tawney Bloom

| Mogi Donuts, MD

| 21045

|

| 2. Emil T. Chuck 6394-A Tawney Bloom

| Mogi Donuts, MD

| 21045

|

| 3. Charles Whealton 7690 Karnesville Road

| Phobic, MI

| 48348

|

| 4. William Davenant 8295 Hiding Closet Rd

| Clarkston, MI

| 48348

|

| 5. Peter Ruckman 14805 Rivercrest

| Sterling Hts., MI

| 48312

|

| 6. Steven Crisp 3718 Kings Point

| Troy, MI

| 48083

|

| 7. Mark Gengler 5748 Patterson

| Troy, MI

| 48098

|

| 8. Pat Robertson 666 God's Little Homophobe Road

| Anti-Christ Hills, VA

| 48307

|

| 9. Fred Phelps 14-U Our Saviour of the Closet Lane

| Orchard Lake, MI

| 48323

|

| 10. Jesse Helms 20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street

| Lung Cancer Hacks., VA

| 48038

|

|

|

|"Michael Wilson" <wilsonm@foxtel.com.au> wrote all this in rec.humor....

|

| Rev. Random the Other

| Gription Clench

On-line Mini-Steer-ial Services