Subject: Enlow charges filed

Date: 18 Sep 1997 14:40:24 GMT

From: (SubGStang1)

Organization: AOL

Newsgroups: alt.slack


Mike Enlow was shot Monday night after he attempted an extremely foolish

act; he followed Legume home from the airport. He apparently downloaded a

picture of Legume from Subsite, and knowing that Legume would be returning

from Dallas, waited at Philly airport with the intent of making a play for

Legume. Obviously his fabulous detective skills needed some polishing,

because as Legume himself said to me on the phone this morning, "I was on

to him before I left the airport". The funny thing is, Legume is completely

ignorant about who Enlow is. He thought Enlow was just some punk (which is

true) looking to rob him. What Enlow didn't know was that Legume keeps a

loaded 357 magnum in his glovebox. So Legume leads Enlow into a secluded

area, rolled out of the car on a curve and puumped three hollow point

bullets into Enlow's rent-a-car. Then Mikey got all pissed off and made his

last mistake...he drew what Legume called "a cheap-ass Mexican handgun" and

tried to shoot Legume! But the gun jammed, and Legume fired his three

remaining bullets at Enlow, hitting him in the gut, the shoulder, and

"tearing off his left ear". The cops came and took Legume to the station

for questioning, but after searching Enlows car they found his notebook

with pictures of Legume in it and a copy of Legume's flight itinerary. They

released Legume, and will probably charge Enlow if he ever gets out of

intensive care.

send card and flowers to:

Mike Enlow

Fitzgerald Mercy Hospital

Rm 9A icu

Phila, PA 19115

Rev. Ivan Stang

The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.




Subject: Re: Enlow charges filed

Date: Thu, 18 Sep 1997 14:50:10 -0700

From: "Dr. Ginsu" <>

Organization: Lippincott Library of the Wharton School

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6


Big Nasty wrote:


> "Dr. Ginsu" <> wrote:

> >Big Nasty wrote:

> >>

> >> "Dr. Ginsu" <> wrote:

> >> >Big Nasty wrote:

> >> >>

> >> >> using an Orca for bait-

> >> >>

> >> >> now that's original

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >Hey, pal...that address tacked at the end of the message is REAL.

> >> >

> >> >That 357 in Legume's glove compartment is REAL.

> >> >

> >> >I, for one, BELIEVE this Troll.

> >>

> >> -surviving 3 hits from 357 MAGNUM HOLLOWPOINT is about as believable as

> >> the altruism of Jerry Lewis.

> >> -or Enlow is ONE BAD MUFFUK

> >>

> >> I don't believe either Ginsu.

> >

> >

> >DUDE. Stang's post said QUITE EXPLICITLY (I feel like quoting scripture

> >here) that the CAR suffered three hits. Enlow suffered two hits and a

> >graze.


> Ginsu Ginsu Ginsu - what am I gonna do with ya


> I LIKE Legume but I don't LOVE him.


> He won my respect with the Troll of Trolls that said

> "I ain't got no use for worshippers, so don't love me."

> That's the mark of a man you can trust - not some Sickophant Seeking

> Rasputin. That's what I like about the C.of SubG.; no worshippers

> allowed.


> Wake up and smell the Gunpowder, Kid


You dumbass...Legume may have no use for followers...he has no use for

the internet for that very same reason. Sure he's been given a computer

and figured out how to use it, but that's because he commands the

conspiracy's toys before throwing them on the trash heap. And I happen

to know that he's probabally reading these words and laughing RIGHT NOW,

but I really don't care. Hello, Legume! Yeah, the mark of a man you

can trust. Absolutely right. You can trust him with your life. Go

ahead, trust him with your life! I did, and I'm still here. Enlow did,

and Enlow is still here. He doesn't love you. Like "Bob," he only

wants your money, which, also like "Bob," makes him terrible company

when all you have is your indomitable, unquenching faith in your



However, I have been put over by Legume more times than I can count.

Sad, but true. One more time is not going to kill me. And this time,

it just happens to sound believable, to me. Enlow is just psychopathic

enough. Legume is good enough with that pistol to take his ear off.

And besides, who would care if it weren't true? You, me, anybody?


Stang may be sick and he may have himself a lot of enemies, but you

gotta admit that pulling off a whopper like that one just isn't his

style. Inventing a religion that mocks religion, sure...starting a

business dedicated to driving him bankrupt, again likely...telling the

world that aliens are gonna land within 300 days' time, just so he can

get some slack, that sounds likely, too. But inventing some tall tale

about Mike Enlow and Legume, just so a roomfull of cyber-skeptics can do

what he expected them to do and go, "Aw, what a buncha shit," except

maybe Ginsu and a few other faithful nuts who will believe anything just

simply for the sheer EXCITEMENT of believing, because they find it so

god-dammned difficult to believe ANYTHING anymore, even the really

really BIG obvious things that you know won't hurt but help you in the

long run, and I think you know what those big big obvious truths are,

mister doubter over there. You wanna take away my ability to believe

whatever the hell I want to believe, NO MATTER HOW OUTRAGEOUS, and maybe

there's a hollow-point slug somewhere waiting for you, too.


Naaaah. Just kidding.


Keep IT Up,

Dr. Ginsu