Subject: SF Booze Review

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 02:57:53 -0400

From: "Rev. Random the Other" <>

Organization: TOXIC COW

Newsgroups: alt.slack



Modern Star Trek is a pint of lager. Drunk by the young and

stupid in vast quantities and often by people who don't care

about the taste and just want to get pissed. Very little

flavour or substance, it has the appearance (and the appeal)

of recycled children's wee wee put under a soda-stream

and there is far too much of it about.



Vintage Star Trek is a pint of bitter. Not quite so foul as

it's modern cousin it has a sort of comfortable charm. If the

whole of Star Trek falls under the label of beer then is will

always be considered (by people who are te-total at least) more

beerish then any of it's mutant relatives, however it will

still always be something that people will order when they

can't think of anything to order as it is the first beverage

(Science fiction show) that leaps to mind.



Doctor who is a pint of Guinness. Rich, full bodied and

an aquired taste. People either love it or hate it, and

those who hate it only hate it because no-one has ever

taught them how to drink it properly by reaching under

the foul tasting froth on top to discover the dark,

rich and mysteriously beautiful liquid underneath. Only

enjoyed by people who really take their drinking (and

science fiction) seriously, this is what you might class

as 'hard core stuff'. Not for the faint hearted.



Hitch-Hiker is a glass of whisky. Another serious drink

but usually drunk by people with a sense of fun, and who

don't really care if they get totally blasted or not as

long as they have a good time doing it. It's served in

small amounts because of it's potency and the Hitch-Hiker

drinkers have similar eccentricities to the Doctor Who

drinkers but are nowhere near as serious or as caught up

in what they are doing, which is on the one side is good,

but on the downside, they are nowhere near as passionate.



Red Dwarf is a Gin and Tonic. Drunk by people who aren't

very serious and who are only out for a bit of fun. People

who drink Red Dwarf want to drink something alcoholic but

don't want to get out of control. The drink itself is fizzy,

enjoyable but slightly siluted but that's OK because the

drinker mainly wants to join in the fun and not get too

serious. If the science fiction in Red Dwarf was the

Gin, the comedy would be the tonic and in recent years

they have been putting less Tonic and more Gin into it

(but whether this makes it's followers more drunk is

anyone's guess). Everyone likes Gin and Tonic and are

very friendly towards people who drink it.



Quantum Leap is a glass of Red Wine. If sipped it can be

very good, with an impressive aftertaste but it'll make

you sick if you drink the whole bottle.



The X-Files is a dry Martini with an olive in it.

Drink by people who want to look interesting and

mysterious in order to attract the opposite sex,

it's main audience consists of people who belive in

UFO's (which is practically everyone nowadays)

rather than real science fiction drinkers. It needs

to be sampled in a darkened room to have the full

effect. More of a sex aid than a drink, people

who drink the X-files think it makes them cool,

but all it actually does is make them look silly.

We all want to be James Bond but not all of us

have got the looks, so it mainly attracts saddos who

aren't comfortable (and therefore wont admit to)

being saddos. Despite this though it tastes

surprisingly good.



Bayblon 5 is a pint of cider, very unpleasant

and sour to start with but gets better if you stick with

it. It tastes and looks similar to lager.



Blake's 7 is a glass of straght Vodka. It looks so

innocent, and can easily be passed of as

something as harmless as a glass of water yet it

is one of the most potent drinks around and it is

frighteningly easy to get drunk on without actually

noticing it happen. The drink itself is short lived

but always goes out with a bang. In appearance it's

nothing special, but neither is a stick of

plutonium. Often drunk by Doctor Who fans when

there's no Guinness about.



Star Wars is one of those expensive cocktails with

umbrellas and little glass monkeys on the

straw, wonderfully flamboyant, it tastes very nice

and would retain some style if it didn't have to

be updated with all the latest trimmings every five

minutes. Looks very expensive and frilly and

(unusually) actually has some substance underneath.

For some.