Subject: SF Booze Review
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 02:57:53 -0400
From: "Rev. Random the Other" <email@example.com>
Organization: TOXIC COW
STAR TREK: MODERN (TNG/DS9/VOYAGER)
Modern Star Trek is a pint of lager. Drunk by the young and
stupid in vast quantities and often by people who don't care
about the taste and just want to get pissed. Very little
flavour or substance, it has the appearance (and the appeal)
of recycled children's wee wee put under a soda-stream
and there is far too much of it about.
STAR TREK: VINTAGE
Vintage Star Trek is a pint of bitter. Not quite so foul as
it's modern cousin it has a sort of comfortable charm. If the
whole of Star Trek falls under the label of beer then is will
always be considered (by people who are te-total at least) more
beerish then any of it's mutant relatives, however it will
still always be something that people will order when they
can't think of anything to order as it is the first beverage
(Science fiction show) that leaps to mind.
Doctor who is a pint of Guinness. Rich, full bodied and
an aquired taste. People either love it or hate it, and
those who hate it only hate it because no-one has ever
taught them how to drink it properly by reaching under
the foul tasting froth on top to discover the dark,
rich and mysteriously beautiful liquid underneath. Only
enjoyed by people who really take their drinking (and
science fiction) seriously, this is what you might class
as 'hard core stuff'. Not for the faint hearted.
HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Hitch-Hiker is a glass of whisky. Another serious drink
but usually drunk by people with a sense of fun, and who
don't really care if they get totally blasted or not as
long as they have a good time doing it. It's served in
small amounts because of it's potency and the Hitch-Hiker
drinkers have similar eccentricities to the Doctor Who
drinkers but are nowhere near as serious or as caught up
in what they are doing, which is on the one side is good,
but on the downside, they are nowhere near as passionate.
Red Dwarf is a Gin and Tonic. Drunk by people who aren't
very serious and who are only out for a bit of fun. People
who drink Red Dwarf want to drink something alcoholic but
don't want to get out of control. The drink itself is fizzy,
enjoyable but slightly siluted but that's OK because the
drinker mainly wants to join in the fun and not get too
serious. If the science fiction in Red Dwarf was the
Gin, the comedy would be the tonic and in recent years
they have been putting less Tonic and more Gin into it
(but whether this makes it's followers more drunk is
anyone's guess). Everyone likes Gin and Tonic and are
very friendly towards people who drink it.
Quantum Leap is a glass of Red Wine. If sipped it can be
very good, with an impressive aftertaste but it'll make
you sick if you drink the whole bottle.
The X-Files is a dry Martini with an olive in it.
Drink by people who want to look interesting and
mysterious in order to attract the opposite sex,
it's main audience consists of people who belive in
UFO's (which is practically everyone nowadays)
rather than real science fiction drinkers. It needs
to be sampled in a darkened room to have the full
effect. More of a sex aid than a drink, people
who drink the X-files think it makes them cool,
but all it actually does is make them look silly.
We all want to be James Bond but not all of us
have got the looks, so it mainly attracts saddos who
aren't comfortable (and therefore wont admit to)
being saddos. Despite this though it tastes
Bayblon 5 is a pint of cider, very unpleasant
and sour to start with but gets better if you stick with
it. It tastes and looks similar to lager.
Blake's 7 is a glass of straght Vodka. It looks so
innocent, and can easily be passed of as
something as harmless as a glass of water yet it
is one of the most potent drinks around and it is
frighteningly easy to get drunk on without actually
noticing it happen. The drink itself is short lived
but always goes out with a bang. In appearance it's
nothing special, but neither is a stick of
plutonium. Often drunk by Doctor Who fans when
there's no Guinness about.
Star Wars is one of those expensive cocktails with
umbrellas and little glass monkeys on the
straw, wonderfully flamboyant, it tastes very nice
and would retain some style if it didn't have to
be updated with all the latest trimmings every five
minutes. Looks very expensive and frilly and
(unusually) actually has some substance underneath.