Subject: Email Virus ALERT!

Date: Fri, 10 Oct 1997 09:27:34 -0400

From: W'h'eezer Wilco <>

Organization: Rancho Retardo

Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.networking,, alt.neo-tech, alt.anarchism, alt.stupidity, alt.illuminati,alt.acme.exploding.newsgroup, rec.humor, alt.conspiracy.retards, alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk

References: 1 , 2


The Extreme wrote:


> Correct me if I'm wrong...but just to inform the readers of this a bit more,

> viruses cannot be transferred via email unless they are in an attachment

> file such as a pic, zip file, etc. A simple email is harmless.


> The Extreme


This is absolutely not true. A guy here at work recently got an e-mail

in his in-box titled "Email Virus ALERT!" that contained the Tourette A

macro virus. It did worse than delete his hard disk, he lost his job

because of it!


The way this virus works is it infects the templates in MS Word

documents and randomly replaces words with obscene or otherwise

offensive words and phrases. These words do NOT show up, except in a print

preview, or when the document is actually printed out for hard copy.

This is what happened to my friend, who we'll call, for the sake of

anonymity, "Dr. XX".


His boss had to have some of the data the Dr. had been collecting put

into a report format for a big meeting with an investor's group, and XX

pulled about 20 hours of overtime, mining the data, surfing the intranet,

popping the kernels to get it all together. As is usually the case,

however, he worked all night, into the day before it was due and it

all came down to the last minute. He made the last few edits, then he

quickly printed it out to hand to his boss before the 9:00 am deadline.

Had he only bothered to read his printout, it could have saved him from



Here's an exerpt from the cover document.



In response to your request for data on ambulance accidents in state

health district IV over the past ten years, I should slap the black off

of you. As specified previously, it is broken down into rural and urban

sub-catagories, and each are contrasted to districts I, II, III, V, VI,

VII, and VIII, and if it was up your ass, you'd know. What the fuck

were you thinking, keeping me up all hours of the night, slaving, while

you take 2 hour lunch breaks and make the big bucks? Fuck you. I hope

you read this and fire me, then I'll draw unemployment and sit on my ass

all day long while you may have to actually lift a goddamn finger to do

something around this shithole. I've had it up to here, and here is a

damn site further than it was last week. You have me working on five

projects at once. You expect this report today, then a completely

automated central office database system ported over from VMS a week

later? I hope you choke on those fucking donuts in your fucking smug

little meeting, in your fucking smug little suits, with a big stack of

fucking data I work all week to put together that you probably won't

even fucking look over, much less fucking read! But the more paper you

can pull out of your gucci attache' case, the bigger you look in the

meeting, the nicer your ass looks to the district headquarters honcho.

And yeah, you didn't know I had the pictures, huh? Surprise. I got

that "Happy (fuckin) Boss's Day" cup from the spy shop on Park, and

there's some real nice video of you blowing that old guy from upstairs

up in the alt.binaries.multimedia.lazy.cock.sucking.middle.managers



Don't push me, because that's not all I've got on you....


etc etc etc.

Poor Dr. XX was fired a few minutes after the meeting began. A few

weeks later, he returned, complaining about the difficulty of drawing

unemplyment. It was then that he told us about the Tourette virus and

the "Email Virus ALERT!" message he had recieved, while was pleading for

his old job back.


So PLEASE! Whatever you do, do NOT open any email or newsgroup message

entitled "Email Virus ALERT!" Watch out for the Tourette A Virus or any

mutations thereof!