Subject: Re: The Importance Of Marketing
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 1997 08:41:20 +1000
From: John Cook <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Organization: Fast Access Network
Doktor D wrote:
> this Church is ever going to become a financial reality on the scale
> of Scientology we should take all the tips we can from them. Plus,
> it's fucking hilarious.
I am writing to you because I sense that you are in need of
something, something that I help you get. But before you make up your
mind about this, let me tell you some of the exciting news.
My friends and I have been very busy here in Gorman, California.
Ever since Mr. Mike Palatkin began spreading the word of El Físico
Nuclear, dozens have enjoyed the peace and tranquility that comes from
knowing that El Físico is watching over your dreams, sending his psychic
energy forth to help them come true! For we all know that El Físico
watches over his Chosen, and not even a dust mote falls without that
he know of it. Truly, those who choose to join his flock and are chosen
in turn are among the blessed of the cosmos!
That is why we have chosen you, friend, to join the Nucleares.
As a member of this exclusive group, you will be keyed into the
extensive MindWebTM of El Físico Nuclear himself! He will be able to
know your deepest thoughts and wishes at any moment, and will try to
make them come true. There are no risks, no gambles here--when
El Físico wills that your wish come true, it will! We all know that
El Físico has a power beyond explanation, a power that cannot be hindered
by the realities of time-space and the cynicism of modern science.
For he practices a science so advanced that it has gone back to the
very roots of knowledge, when a seeker after Truth needed nothing more
than a mind open to exploration and new experiences, besides a magnetic
compass, dice, and sundial or mirror. Thus did the will-to-knowledge
become the will-to-power! These are the principles that are upheld by
El Físico Nuclear even today, and his SuperScienceTM is as valid now
as it was aeons ago.
But we know that he is not merely a scientist. We know that he
cares for the human species as no other can, and that is why I am
writing to you, friend, to ask you to join us. We can help you, and
perhaps you can even help us a little. We all know that the world is in
distress, that the icecaps are either melting or shifting at a rapid
pace, that invisible deadly rays are piercing the ozone layer, that
alien abduction is up 300%!! that teens are listening to rock which
glorifies not groovy Nuclear love but death and yomping, that all the
promises of the 19th century--capitalism, Marxism, psychoanalysis and
scientific rationalism--have fallen flat on their faces and can't get
out of the mud. Indeed, there they stay, throwing mudballs at one
another, rather than getting out, cleaning themselves off, and setting
out to complete the task at hand together.
This is what El Físico Nuclear can do for you, and the great
thing is, that while he helps you, you help him and the rest of the
world as well! for we all know that El Físico Nuclear is currently
trapped beneath the ice at the North Pole, and though he can wish you
fortune, health, fame, love, and felicity, he cannot wish himself out
of his perilous condition without your help! We are in daily contact with
him, and send on the wishes of the Nucleares. He can make them come true!
but he needs your help, too. The expedition to the North Pole to dig him
out of his watery prison cannot happen without your contribution! Anything
you can contribute would be of the greatest service not only to El
Físico, but to bring about another Golden Age where men and women enjoy each
other indiscriminately, where time reverses itself and we all live in
Paradise! where the temperature everywhere is a comfortable 72 and the
nights are warm and balmy and full of animal and vegetable passions.
All of this awaits those who join us now! Our ice-breaker is literally
waiting for nothing more than fuel to get underway on its trip to the
top of the world! Never has this matter been so urgent as it is now.
And it's not like you won't be helping yourself. Join us now, and become
part of the solution, not a mass of inert matter waiting to be scooped
up into the dross heap come the End Times!
Yes! I want to be a part of the coming Apocalypse! I can contribute:
___$1000 Purple Chamber Keyholder
___$500 Order of the Incarnated Muon
___$250 Seeker of the Maroon Shower
___$125 El Físico's Heartlight
___$62.50 Ice-Breaker's Club
___$15.68 Squared Circular
Please send your credit card unmber and expiration date to: John
Whiteside Parson, S.A. de Cv., email@example.com, to help the universe be restored to its natural balance, and to make all your wildest dreams come true! Let El Fisico help you help yourself by
P.S. As I write this, I just read that as of today, murders are up 2.5%
since February, and that there has been an increase in the mean sea
level in San Francisco Bay. So join now and you get, at no additional
cost, an El Físico Nuclear Signal Badge, just like the one featured in
the June/July 1995 issue of The Físico Nuclear Experience. Don't
delay--join NOW! The fate of the world may well hang in the balance!
John Whiteside Parsons firstname.lastname@example.org
µµµµµ AN ETERNAL ARCHIVE OF THE EL FíSICO NUCLEAR PROJECT µµµµµ
John, Tui, Jesse & Rhea Cook
A is A - Aristotle
Reality is Hard & Beautiful - Me