Newsgroups:, alt.slack

Subject: The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer

From: (Albert Pimiento)


Thus spake April:


>How abot this:


>Goffman, in his studies on stigmas, found that we engage in

>"management of identities" in any given social setting. That

>identity management differs based on the evidentness of the stigma.

>For example, someone who is missing an arm or something have to

>"manage" their own feelings in order to put everyone else at ease

>(they may joke about a dog biting it off, etc).


Golfman, in his studies on enigmas, found that we engage in

"management of handicaps" on any given course. That club selection

differs based on the evidentness (this is not, in fact, a word but

WTF) of the enigma. For example, someone who is bleeding from the

head or something may have to "launch" their own feelings about it in

order to put everyone else in the proper frame of mind for the

ceremonies (make a joke about Arnold Palmer, etc.)


>However, if the stigma is not visible (for example, being gay),

>then the person has to "manage" the information about themselves

>through a variety of techniques.


However, if the enigma is not visible (for example, as in the bleeding

rectum of Arnold Palmer), then the person has to "launch" the

information about themselves through a variety of techniques.


Suppression of this information is common--a golfer suffering from a

bleeding rectum may engage in systematic repression of asterisks,

these presumably resembling the asshole far to much for comfort. In

fact, this helps explain the salty language often heard on golf

courses. Self-censorship in this manner, necessitating at least the

implication of asterisks, would in fact be more traumatic than letting

loose a simple and healthy "fuck". Hemmhorroid creams are also common

among thse afflicted with the Bleeding Rectum of Arnold Palmer, and

represent by far the most obvious attempt to ignore the information

instead of "launching" itthrough advanced SubGenius mind control

techniques. In fact, the application of hemmhorroid creams while on

the golf course is one of the most dangerous activities possible

within the context of the ceremonies--a person bringing "unlaunched"

information to a sacred gathering such as golf is a time bomb waiting

to go off.


You see, there are two crimes in SubGenius (and to a lesser degree, I

suppose, Human) ritual: Not taking the ritual seriously enough, and

not being able to laugh. By not taking the ritual seriously enough,

the participant often comes unprepared to the headlaunching, which is

Sacred Space in its purest form. By trifling with Sacred Space, you

not only risk damage to yourself, you put everyoneinvolved in the

ritual at risk. This is why the "clearing" rituals associated with

headlaunching, such as the extensive series of electric shocks to the

nipples and the ingestion of 'frop are so crucial.


Laughter is the last and best defense of the SubGenius against a world

in the hands of the Conspiracy. It is the rawest Yetu defense

mechanism to let out hugh whooping guffaws when faced with something

too horrible to comprehend. And, at the same time, a sense of levity

about any given thing prevents dogmatism and enslavement to ideas.

This is the single biggest problem facing any practitioner of the Sacred.

If you become too closely linked to any one facet of religious

practice, your identity suffers as a result. Laughter is the single

strongest "break-mind" tool of the Zen Masters, and as such is

regarded with fear and trepidation by Normal religions everywhere, who

mistakenly catagorize it as an enemy of faith. However, the

stockpiling of transcedent experiences within SubGenius ritual is

increasing evidence for a resounding "yes" answer to the immortal

question "Does Humor Belong in Religion?" When you stop being able to

laugh at anything--ANYTHING--you will die.


This, then, is the key to preparation for ritual: THERE ARE NO

ENIGMAS IN SACRED SPACE. Personal enigmas, whether visible or

invisible, immanent or transcendent, must be thouroughly "launched" in

the presence of Elder Gods before focus can shift to the task at

hand. This explains the "break-mind" mantra practiced at Head





The Bleeding Head is the enigma rendered visible and tangible. The

Healed Head is closed and unreceptive.


>Can Goffman's theory be applied to social interaction on the



Can Golfman's theory be applied to sacred interaction an alt.slack?


>My theory is that people respond the same way people with "hidden"

>stigmas respond to a social setting: Through management of

>information. I mean, now you have a social setting in which people

>don't know anything about you, can't see you, and are never likely

>to meet you. You don't have to try to put anyone at ease because

>they don't see that you are missing an arm. Rather, you decide not to

>tell anyone that you are missing an arm.


My theory is that people respond the same way people with "hidden"

enigmas respond to a sacred setting: through "launching" of

information. I mean, now you have a sacred setting in which people

don't know anything about you, can't see you, and are likely to meet

you on the saucers. You have to try to put everyone at ease because

they don't see you're missing an arm. You can try to pretend that

you're not missing an arm, but it won't work. The SubGenii can

"whiffread" the pstench, even through the ether, and can detect to

varying degrees the damage done to the MWOWM project through



The difficulty arises in "launching" information through an audience

of skeptics who may not particularly want to be "launched", and for

whom "launching" is not a de facto requirement. Typical

stultification techniques, which are perfect for rending Humans into a

state of complete nothingness comparable to the puny developmental

state of their Nental Ifes, are not effective or tolerated on

SubGenii. The SubGenius wishing to "launch" information about

participants must rely on a combination of the remaining effective

cult indoctrination techniques and a blatant appeal to self-interest.


While appeals to direct authority NEVER work on the SubGenius, owing

to a certain Mr. Dobbs, "loading" of the vocabulary is heavily

practiced in SubGenius circles. This cunning technique, practiced by

none other than Jesus Christ himself, who admitted to his followers

that he used parables to confuse and bewilder those not devoted to his

cause, has a long and fabled history. It is unlikely that the

outsider to the SubGenius cult will be able to comprehend the meanings

of terms such as "launching", "Nental Ife", "third nostril", "foot

gland", "Slack", "Pink", and even "SubGenius" itself. Thus the

SubGenius, who, like Faust, desires nothing so much as KNOWLEDGE--all

the better to deride the supposedly erudite with--finds herself forced

to delve into the SubGenius worldview for explanation.


Another hallowed SubGenius technique is agressive cultivation of the

self. While other cults offer followers a chance to submerge their

identities to a self-styled leader, the SubGenius cult operates

through a series of outright demands on the initiate to directly

challenge SubGenius hegemony with their own worldview. The newcomer

to alt.slack will find herself flamed mercilessly and apparently

without cause, and it is not until the initiate performs the twin

"launching" rituals of unleashing her hate, whether in rant form or

otherwise, and unleashing her $30 to the Foundation that one becomes

fully accepted in SubGenius circles. While other newsgroups demand

silence, patience, and obeisance, all of these things are disposable

for the SubGenius--providing that she can demonstrate competence in

the generation of Slack.


Thus we see that, despite the inherent difficulties in "thought

control" and the invocation of the occult in such an open and

uncontrillable, even anonymous, environment (see: "alt.slack sucks",

nearly every poster, one time or another), by following the edicts of

Golfman the SubGenius surprisingly often achieves identity exegesis

and preliminary bonding with "MWOWM".


>What does anyone else think?


Who cares what anyone else thinks?


I hate you. You are an idiot. Die.