Subject: Re: request: Story of ICEKNIFE

Date: Thu, 01 Jan 199811:45:33 -0800

From: truwe@miNd.net Organization: The Group Home for the Easily Amused

Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.fan.ICEKNIFE, alt.slack.devo References: 1

 

kevbob wrote: > > if anyone knows the story of ICEKNIFE, please send it to me.

 

ICEKNIFE: Insane killer by day, psychotic murderer by night!

 

From just beyond the edge of light, from the deeper darkness where no

living being has ever walked, comes the terror of those who have given

their souls to the Devil. This is the story of one such creature.

 

He is an engine. His mother was imagination, his father molten metal. In

him is power. Turning power. Churning power. Burning power. In eight

busy, breathing cylinders, 162 horses are racing inside ICEKNIFE, each one

a stallion of power! He covers ground straight, fast, steady. Distance

is his challenge, his glory. ICEKNIFE eats miles, not gasoline.

Mountains melt, hills hide when they see him coming. He's a highway

spanner, seven league boots that span a continent. Power, that's what he

sings out. Performance, that's what he sells. Power! Performance! This

is ICEKNIFE's story! *

 

Well, not exactly his story. That's classified. All you and I can know

for certain is that ICEKNIFE slouched out of the frozen north with one

thing on his mind: horrible vengeance. And as sure as you are kevbob in

lc, he is ICEKNIFE in caps; to type it any other way is to incur his

inhuman and merciless wrath. Here are some quick facts that I copied off

the ICEKNIFE trading cards (a good investment, I have all of the

holographic ones and will trade you my spare #38--Big Rocks for any of the

limited edition sticker-backs):

 

-->ICEKNIFE lives in the forest with a few score of good fellows who have

everything in life save spiritual guidance.

 

-->ICEKNIFE is the first black female Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.

 

-->In the land of pain, ICEKNIFE sits on a throne of skulls and torments

the souls of the damned.

 

-->On behalf of the moon, ICEKNIFE will right wrongs and triumph over

evil, and that means you!

 

-->ICEKNIFE is totally in favor of using federally supported municipal

bonds to bus Chinese communists into your home to kill your fuzzy little

puppies.

 

-->Doctor's orders are that ICEKNIFE must have a lot of money, otherwise

he becomes dull, listless, and has trouble with his complexion.

 

-->Though ICEKNIFE is perfect, and all that is not perfect must be

sterilized, he is NOT voiced by "Scotty" from Star Trek.

 

-->ICEKNIFE brings a cleansing rain will wash away all the scum and push

Starship America through the Gates of Purity.

 

-->ICEKNIFE is the whippoorwill that cries so sweetly in the night and the

gentle breeze that caresses your soft face in the morn.

 

-->If you show yourselves now, ICEKNIFE promises you a quick, painless

death!

 

-->ICEKNIFE saves sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes!

 

-->ICEKNIFE is considerably faster than a tall building, larger than a

speeding bullet and smarter than a locomotive.

 

-->ICEKNIFE has the power to move the masses much as Ch and Malcolm X did,

and he often wonders if they were bed-wetters, too.

 

-->Cowards imply; ICEKNIFE commands!

 

-->ICEKNIFE would be sincerely saddened to see his neighbor's children

eaten by wolves.

 

-->ICEKNIFE is never wrong. If ICEKNIFE were wrong, the sky would grow

dark and we'd all be showered in locusts and toads.

 

QUICK QUIZ: Who'd win in a wrestling match, ICEKNIFE or God? [scroll

down for answer]

 

-->Those who have experienced an ICEKNIFE sighting describe him as "[a]

cross between a ferris wheel and a werewolf."

 

-->ICEKNIFE has been a supreme court justice, playwright, railroader, flew

a couple of Apollo flights and designed the first coal-fired nuclear sub.

 

-->ICEKNIFE was kicked out of World War II for being "too mean to the

Nazis."

 

-->ICEKNIFE has destroyed more minds than syphilis and pinball combined!

 

-->What you see is real. What you smell is unfortunate. What's done is

done and what ICEKNIFE did is right.

 

-->In his underground lair below Mt. Shasta, ICEKNIFE sleeps peacefully

through the day on his vibrating leopard skin waterbed in the shape of a

Fender Stratocaster.

 

-->ICEKNIFE does not bargain with mortals, he destroys them!

 

You cannot see him. ICEKNIFE is a phantom, a specter. Truth awaits in

the freezing darkness; are you ready for it?

 

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnna -- <truwe@mind.net> | Ben, Shelley, Matie and/or

Anna **** 113 Earls! | 38 Daves | Just ignore alt.slack.devo--> There's

no one in here, Mr. Balowski! We're all holograms! -- yet another YOUNG

ONES quote ***| Top Secret Email: Annna@earthling.net -- for touchy

subjects only. |

-------------------------------------------------------------------- *This

paragraph answers the question: "Exactly _how_ good were the notes Annna

took in Drivers' Ed?"

 

QUIZ ANSWER: It's a TRICK question! ICEKNIFE _is_ God!