Subject: Arby's

Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 04:53:54 -0500

From: "Rev. Random the Other" <>

Organization: Gription Clench

Newsgroups: alt.slack


** Warning: Long and True. No moral. Not funny. Life. Cope. **



I went to Arby's yesterday with dinner orders for my guys at work.

This is a verbatim transcript, I swear it. Arby's has a slimline

computer screen lookin piece of gear where they touch the screen

itself to enter the order.


Random: Hi, yeah I have six separate orders and I need to pay for

each separately. Sorry to be a pain. Ok, the first two orders are

the same. Barry wants two roast beef sandwiches...


Arbyguy: Um, um, hmmm, I don't see that on the screen. (He is

obviously not kidding.)


Random: Uh, roast beef sandwiches. Arbys. You sell them, really.


Arbyguy: Yeah, but I don't know where it is here. I gotta get the

manager. Hey Ralph, could you come here a minute.


ArbyManager: I'm busy. (I'm can see him, and he is busy eating

curlyfries. Forty seconds later I pointedly drum my fingers at him,

and he wanders over.)


Arbyguy: Where is the roast beef sandwichs on this thing?


(Arbymanager reaches over and stabs the screen.)


Arbyguy: Thanks. (Arbymanager wanders off)


Random: Um, I need two. (He taps the screen)


Random: One large order of potato cakes.


Arbyguy: Um, hmmmm, um...damn. I don't see those.


Random: Err, it's on the menu (points to the overhead prices)


Arbyguy: I have to get the manager again. Ralph! Could you come

here again?


(Arbymanager wanders over, stabs the screen. The display flashes

SM POT CAKE 89 <hey, my keyboard doesn't have a cents symbol!>


Random: I need a large order.


(Both look perplexed, and after fifteen seconds the Arbymanager taps

the screen again. Manager wanders off. I am the only customer in

the place. It's seven thirty)


Random: OK, and one large order of Stuffed Jalapenos.


Arbyguy: I can see the small jalapenos. Would you like small?


Random: Err, no, I need a large. (Points to the menu again)


Arbyguy: OK, here it is. That will be $9.35.


(Random gives him $10, gets change)


Random: now the next order is exactly the same. Two roast beef



Arbyguy: Um, damn. I don't see those anymore.

(And he just looks at me as if, well, they don't have those



Random: (leaning across the counter) LCD screen. I can't see the

screen from here, so I guess I can't help you.


Arbyguy: So, what do you want?


Random: Oh, two roast beef sandwiches.


Arbyguy: I have to ask the boss. Ralph! Could you come over here?

Yeah, I need two more roast beefs. (wrinkled brows, frowns, then

tap tap wander)


Random: And one large potato cake.


Arbyguy: Um, um....


(I swear I am not making this up; probably everyone reading this

is laughing, not at the story but at me for not having

experienced this daily, not being used to this. I don't frequent

fast food places much.)


Arbyguy: Man, I don't see those anymore. I gotta get my boss.


(Arbyguy leaves, goes into a small room, and I am alone in the

store for a minute at least. Arbymanager comes out wiping his

chin with a napkin, throws it in the trash, then is joined by

Arbyguy at the screen. Neither can find the potato cakes for

another thirty seconds, then *tap*. Wander.)


Random: And one large Stuffed Jalapenos.


Arbyguy: Oh man, I see the small. Where did the large one go?

Oh, here! OK, that will be $9.55.


Random: Um, the last order was $9.35. It should be the same.


Arbyguy: Uh, it say's it's $9.55.


Random: It's the same order as before. It shouldn't cost more.


Arbyguy: Um, well, I probably didn't charge enough on the first

one. I musta just charged you for a small or something.


Random: Fuckit. (hand's over $10, shakes head)


Arbyguy: Is that all?


Random: No, there are four more orders. All large Stuffed

Jalapenos, but I gotta pay for them separately.


Arbyguy: Can't you just pay for them all at once.


Random: Nope. It's for work, and I gotta keep track of each

person's change.


Arbyguy: Oh man. OK then. One Jalapeno. Um....


Random: A large.






(Arbyguy asks how many nuggets in a large order of Stuffed

Jalapenos, Ralph says "TEN" and the guy counts out ten Jalapeno

eggs into a basket and lowers them into the fryer. Bossman

actually wanders out without being summoned, and asks Arbyguy

what he needs.)


Arbyguy: Two roast beef sandwiches. And some potato cakes, I was

gonna get the potato cakes next.


Random: I need FOUR sandwiches.


Arbyguy: What?


Random: I need FOUR sandwiches, two large orders of potato cakes,

and SIX large orders of Stuffed Jalapenos.


Arbymanager: You only put in six jalapenos. He needs six orders.

You need to put in a whole bag full, at least. Here, I'll get

these, you get the sandwiches.


Random: (notes that Ralph cannot count the ten nuggets in the

basket, decides not to say anything, then decides to be

pro-active) I need two large orders of potato cakes, too.


Arbymanager: OK. Potato cakes.


(After thirty seconds, two sandwiches slide out into the holding

chute, one wrapped in silver, one gold. I hope they're right but

am kinda past caring)


(Arbymanager lays out boxes and starts fishing nuggets out of the

basket. One here, one here, one here, one here, one here...)


(Arbyguy come back around front, puts the two sandwiches in a

bag, and walks over to the boss and starts watching.)


Random: Um, I need FOUR sandwiches, right?


Arbyguy: What?


Random: I need FOUR sandwiches. (Arbyguy turns to look at a

little monitor mounted under the menu that I hadn't noticed. It

looks like the orders are all displayed. The manager comes over

and they both stare at the screen for thirty seconds making Hmmm

noises. Are they calling me a liar?)


Arbymanager: There. Four sandwiches.


Arbyguy: Oh. Ok, I'll get them.


(As two more sandwiches, both silver wrapped, slide down the

chute, the manager starts packing boxes into a large bag, then

takes them back out, opens each, and gets a stack of...jelly(?)

and Arbyguy helps him put a jelly(?) into each box. The boxes are

stuffed into two large bags, the other sandwiches are stuffed

into bags, and placed in front of me.)


Random: Potato cakes?


Arbymanager: Oh yeah.


(Random counts four sandwiches, two large potato cakes, and

eyeballs the jalapenos, two stacks, then loads up on horseysauce

and napkins.)


Random: OK, thanks!


(I loved this next part)


Arbymanager: All the boxes might not have the same number of

jalapenos in them.


Random: What?


Arbymanager: There might be a more Jalapenos in some of the

boxes. Everyone won't get the same number of Jalapenos.


Random: OK, we'll share. Bye!


(Random gets back to work, unpacks four sandwiches, two large

potato cakes, and SEVEN boxes of Jalapenos.


Barry: Damn, Random, we just needed six of these. Can't you count?


Rev. Random the Other

Crawling back into my cave, thank you.