Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 04:53:54 -0500
From: "Rev. Random the Other" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Organization: Gription Clench
** Warning: Long and True. No moral. Not funny. Life. Cope. **
I went to Arby's yesterday with dinner orders for my guys at work.
This is a verbatim transcript, I swear it. Arby's has a slimline
computer screen lookin piece of gear where they touch the screen
itself to enter the order.
Random: Hi, yeah I have six separate orders and I need to pay for
each separately. Sorry to be a pain. Ok, the first two orders are
the same. Barry wants two roast beef sandwiches...
Arbyguy: Um, um, hmmm, I don't see that on the screen. (He is
obviously not kidding.)
Random: Uh, roast beef sandwiches. Arbys. You sell them, really.
Arbyguy: Yeah, but I don't know where it is here. I gotta get the
manager. Hey Ralph, could you come here a minute.
ArbyManager: I'm busy. (I'm can see him, and he is busy eating
curlyfries. Forty seconds later I pointedly drum my fingers at him,
and he wanders over.)
Arbyguy: Where is the roast beef sandwichs on this thing?
(Arbymanager reaches over and stabs the screen.)
Arbyguy: Thanks. (Arbymanager wanders off)
Random: Um, I need two. (He taps the screen)
Random: One large order of potato cakes.
Arbyguy: Um, hmmmm, um...damn. I don't see those.
Random: Err, it's on the menu (points to the overhead prices)
Arbyguy: I have to get the manager again. Ralph! Could you come
(Arbymanager wanders over, stabs the screen. The display flashes
SM POT CAKE 89 <hey, my keyboard doesn't have a cents symbol!>
Random: I need a large order.
(Both look perplexed, and after fifteen seconds the Arbymanager taps
the screen again. Manager wanders off. I am the only customer in
the place. It's seven thirty)
Random: OK, and one large order of Stuffed Jalapenos.
Arbyguy: I can see the small jalapenos. Would you like small?
Random: Err, no, I need a large. (Points to the menu again)
Arbyguy: OK, here it is. That will be $9.35.
(Random gives him $10, gets change)
Random: now the next order is exactly the same. Two roast beef
Arbyguy: Um, damn. Errrr...um. I don't see those anymore.
(And he just looks at me as if, well, they don't have those
Random: (leaning across the counter) LCD screen. I can't see the
screen from here, so I guess I can't help you.
Arbyguy: So, what do you want?
Random: Oh, two roast beef sandwiches.
Arbyguy: I have to ask the boss. Ralph! Could you come over here?
Yeah, I need two more roast beefs. (wrinkled brows, frowns, then
tap tap wander)
Random: And one large potato cake.
Arbyguy: Um, um....
(I swear I am not making this up; probably everyone reading this
is laughing, not at the story but at me for not having
experienced this daily, not being used to this. I don't frequent
fast food places much.)
Arbyguy: Man, I don't see those anymore. I gotta get my boss.
(Arbyguy leaves, goes into a small room, and I am alone in the
store for a minute at least. Arbymanager comes out wiping his
chin with a napkin, throws it in the trash, then is joined by
Arbyguy at the screen. Neither can find the potato cakes for
another thirty seconds, then *tap*. Wander.)
Random: And one large Stuffed Jalapenos.
Arbyguy: Oh man, I see the small. Where did the large one go?
Oh, here! OK, that will be $9.55.
Random: Um, the last order was $9.35. It should be the same.
Arbyguy: Uh, it say's it's $9.55.
Random: It's the same order as before. It shouldn't cost more.
Arbyguy: Um, well, I probably didn't charge enough on the first
one. I musta just charged you for a small or something.
Random: Fuckit. (hand's over $10, shakes head)
Arbyguy: Is that all?
Random: No, there are four more orders. All large Stuffed
Jalapenos, but I gotta pay for them separately.
Arbyguy: Can't you just pay for them all at once.
Random: Nope. It's for work, and I gotta keep track of each
Arbyguy: Oh man. OK then. One Jalapeno. Um....
Random: A large.
(Arbyguy asks how many nuggets in a large order of Stuffed
Jalapenos, Ralph says "TEN" and the guy counts out ten Jalapeno
eggs into a basket and lowers them into the fryer. Bossman
actually wanders out without being summoned, and asks Arbyguy
what he needs.)
Arbyguy: Two roast beef sandwiches. And some potato cakes, I was
gonna get the potato cakes next.
Random: I need FOUR sandwiches.
Random: I need FOUR sandwiches, two large orders of potato cakes,
and SIX large orders of Stuffed Jalapenos.
Arbymanager: You only put in six jalapenos. He needs six orders.
You need to put in a whole bag full, at least. Here, I'll get
these, you get the sandwiches.
Random: (notes that Ralph cannot count the ten nuggets in the
basket, decides not to say anything, then decides to be
pro-active) I need two large orders of potato cakes, too.
Arbymanager: OK. Potato cakes.
(After thirty seconds, two sandwiches slide out into the holding
chute, one wrapped in silver, one gold. I hope they're right but
am kinda past caring)
(Arbymanager lays out boxes and starts fishing nuggets out of the
basket. One here, one here, one here, one here, one here...)
(Arbyguy come back around front, puts the two sandwiches in a
bag, and walks over to the boss and starts watching.)
Random: Um, I need FOUR sandwiches, right?
Random: I need FOUR sandwiches. (Arbyguy turns to look at a
little monitor mounted under the menu that I hadn't noticed. It
looks like the orders are all displayed. The manager comes over
and they both stare at the screen for thirty seconds making Hmmm
noises. Are they calling me a liar?)
Arbymanager: There. Four sandwiches.
Arbyguy: Oh. Ok, I'll get them.
(As two more sandwiches, both silver wrapped, slide down the
chute, the manager starts packing boxes into a large bag, then
takes them back out, opens each, and gets a stack of...jelly(?)
and Arbyguy helps him put a jelly(?) into each box. The boxes are
stuffed into two large bags, the other sandwiches are stuffed
into bags, and placed in front of me.)
Random: Potato cakes?
Arbymanager: Oh yeah.
(Random counts four sandwiches, two large potato cakes, and
eyeballs the jalapenos, two stacks, then loads up on horseysauce
Random: OK, thanks!
(I loved this next part)
Arbymanager: All the boxes might not have the same number of
jalapenos in them.
Arbymanager: There might be a more Jalapenos in some of the
boxes. Everyone won't get the same number of Jalapenos.
Random: OK, we'll share. Bye!
(Random gets back to work, unpacks four sandwiches, two large
potato cakes, and SEVEN boxes of Jalapenos.
Barry: Damn, Random, we just needed six of these. Can't you count?
Rev. Random the Other
Crawling back into my cave, thank you.