Subject: White House Pastry Chef Dies While Planning Her Ski Trip
Date: Sun, 11 Jan 1998 22:31:41 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
It's not your imagination, LOTS of "celebrities" are dying these days.
From Jimmy Stewart to That Guy Who Was in That Band, we'll be hearing
about ALL of them in ever increasing frequency. It's not some sort of
death epidemic, it's due to the fact that we all have WAY to much of
our memory banks loaded up with names of "famous" people. Just like
Truman Capote said, a star is born every fifteen minutes. Or
How about Marlo Thomas? Do you think she'll get airtime when the time
comes for her to meet her tree? OF COURSE. She was BATGIRL. Nevermind
that that was 30 years ago. They'll want to get footage of Phil's
tears--like we haven't seen THAT before.
Wayne Newton? He WILL die, the question really is: will he get a
museum that's bigger than Liberace's?
Lorraine Newman? SURE! She'll be among the cast of Saturday Night
Jud Nelson? Judd Hirsh? Judge Reingold? Quick--which one of them was
PULEEZ. I'm ASHAMED to know this many things about people I will never
and don't WANT to know.
Naturally the whole OTHER problem with the Death Coverage we're
getting is the false idol game. David Kennedy eats a tree and all the
news is about the TRAGEDY of his death, the IRONY that he and his wife
were reuniting, but there is very little mention of the case in which
he boffed the killer babysitter or any of his other shenannygans, at
first. Not to say that that EVER was NEWS, mind you. Made-public
lewdness that involved a KENNEDY has just GOT to stop being news
SOMETIME. BUT, having neglected to harp on that chapter of his life,
the newsies can come BACK to the story and say that there has been
"criticism" of the funeral coverage, that they have been criticized
for NOT dredging up all the details about "it." Perfect excuse to
re-undress the dead guy in full detail IN THE NAME OF FAIRNESS and for
the OPPORTUNITY to say OVER AND FUCKING OVER again that MAMA KENNEDY
IS NOT PLEASED WITH KATHIE LEE GIFFORD for mentioning it at the
funeral press conference.
They will do ANYTHING to stick it to our poor Kathie Lee. When SHE
dies the press will fall all over themselves trying to get their
copies of the tape that shows her final moment of smug surprise before
Ted Koppel smites her with his coffee mug.
That is to say, it's going to get WORSE and it's going to get more and
more public because they KNOW the end is ALMOST HERE, the GREAT
UNDERTAKING is AT HAND, and he who dies earliest and bestest gets the
RILLY BIG FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS for their swell DECAY SEND OFF PSEUDO
Spunky: "Lookit all the foot prints! Lotsa people were here!"
Sparky: "OR it was ONE THING with a jillion feet."
* alt.foot.fat-free: where you can collect yummy cheese!