Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 05:52:45 -0500
From: "Rev. Random the Other" <email@example.com>
Organization: Gription Clench
January 22 - RALEIGH, NC
Of course the pro-lifer's were out in force, emoting floridly and
chanting, programming the schoolkids. There was a anti-pro-lifer
demonstration going on as well, but they were every bit as
humorless as the much larger oposition. I didn't realize
that it was Roe Day until a few days earlier; I had stumbled into
the annual rally the year before, unprepared, and promised myself
that I would join the festivities this year.
Actually, last year I guess I made an impression as well. Pam and
I had a plant physiology class on Saturday morning at the
Natural History museum, which is right next to the rally
concourse; there was a portable stage with a roof. It was raining.
As I had just gotten off work at 6am and the class was not until
9:30, I told Pam that I was going to catch a few hours sleep near
the museum, that she should find me and wake me before the class.
The covered stage was twenty feet outside the museum door, so I
crashed there. It was nearly nine when a police officer woke me;
fifty or sixty people were milling around, a half-hour late in
starting their prayers, all afraid to approach the scary looking
biker drug addict passed out on their stage. If I would have known
there were going to be news cameras...
There is a copy shop twenty minutes from home that will print
tee-shirts (Pammy has a GnFnR's St Louis Sucks tour shirt that I
designed myself from the place,) and they are willing to take
rush orders. I had a tee shirt made, simple block printing, that
says "I've performed 123 Abortions" on the front and "It's as
easy as 123" on the back. It also says F. Jones Abortion
Studios, Raleigh, NC 919-856-4630 in smaller script on the front.
Sorry, Friday, I don't really know why...and the number is Jesse Helm's
I got a great idea at the last minute for a sign. It had been
warm here the last few days, and the mosquitoes are already back,
both the regular black squeeters that come out at dusk and the
new improved "Asian mosquitoes" with the white stripes on the
back legs that came in to the country via Baltimore Harbor a few
years back and have become the dominant species here; they are
active all day long. Anyhow, I swatted one on my arm, too late,
and suddenly found myself digging through stacks of old magazines
looking for "Bob" and Connie, wishing I had more time.
I found a photo of the two lounging by a pool. "Bob" had no pipe,
but I cut the table in the picture so that it left a stub that
COULD have been a pipestem. "Bob", Connie, Pool, Beachball. Then
I found a picture of an electric "BugZapper" from Sears and
pasted it above and center. I caught six mosquitoes one by one
in a jar, inverted the jar on my arm, let 'em juice up, then
smushed them on the posterboard creatively around the BugZapper.
I printed "FETAL ART" in 96 point, pasting it at the top, and
"Building a Bridge, pro-life / pro-choice, Former first trimester
fetii used as Art" across the bottom. I used a tobacco stake to
complete the sign.
There were lots and lots of signs, all seemingly designed by the
same hand. Mine stood out, having a color picture (I didn't see
ONE full-color abortion poster, they must have took some backlash;
those used to be popular). There were maybe two hundred people
there when I arrived. I waded into the crowd and simply stood
near the front. I didn't have to wait long. It was a woman who
read the shirt and asked if I was really an Abortionist. "Yeah,
I've only been doing it for few weeks (do the math), I was a
pediatrician for seven years before that." More people started
to read my poster. Another woman kinda smugly shrieked "And what
is THAT supposed to mean?" pointing at the poster. Several others
were trying to tell me that I was going to hell. I answered very
cheerfuly that I got a great idea of using real fetuses as art
and had opened a combination abortion clinic and art studio.
THIS piece was intended to respect the views of pro-lifers,
illustrating how relaxed and comfortable the pro-choice people
had become with abortion..."
"And those are suppposed to be real fetuses?" a man interjected.
(You could see the WINGS and LEGS if you looked closely. Sheesh.)
I had a gathering, so I spoke clearly: Oh yes, I think that I am
the first real Abortion Art Studio in the country. I find it a
powerful subject, and while I personally don't have a problem with
performing the abortions, I can respect that as Art the subject is
quite profound. Some people just want a momento; I have done
several fetii in Lucite. Usually just blocks, but one woman
commisioned a Lucite toilet seat with her fetus. Of course, it was
much further along than these..." I held my fingers about four inches
I was interrupted by a woman who tried to grab my poster. I yanked
back and held it higher, out of her reach, and she stalked off.
"That wasn't very polite," I said. Several people were saying
things to me, mostly accusations or gleeful promises of heavenly
punishment, some stomping away and then turning back as if against
their will to confront me some more. I ignored them and answered a
man who asked more rationally if the women who got abortions knew
how I was using their "babies". "Well, some women don't realize
that it is a real art studio. They think that it's just a front to
keep protesters and those nasty Operation Rescue people away. I
don't want to upset them. Others come to me for the art. There is
one woman who I swear gets pregnant just to add to her collection."
"How could you DO this?" burfled one indignant black woman. "Well,
most of the actual fetuses are only this size," gesturing to the
poster, "and once I vacuume the womb I just kinda dig around in the
cup until I find them. They're still really small at this stage..."
She started screaming and was joined by a few others; I couldn't
finish. I had a gathering, and more people were jostling closer to
read the poster and my shirt.
"Yes, I was just scraping by," I said loudly to no one in
particular, "and now my art is selling in New York. People LIKE
this. I'm not just a doctor, I'm an ARTIST."
It was then that I got pushed, hard. The indignant Black woman
managed to tear my poster, and maybe a dozen others tried to take
it away from me. I held it up, ripped and flapping, my banner, but
there were too many hands grasping and it was torn from my Gription.
I yelled "I'm trying to build a bridge!" Someone replied "It takes
a Village" which I smiled at, not thinking it was a clever comeback
but from silently adding "To Satisfy My Husband." For just a bit it
became an opportunity for loving people to take the Lord's name in
vain and to whap me ineffectually, and then I left them to
self-congratulations and empty promises of violence and, of course,
I was not bummed so much because they destroyed my poster but because
I hadn't the forsight to make several of 'em. I expected that it
would get trashed, but somehow I thought it would last longer. I
thought to spend the day agitating, maybe getting on the News and
mentioning J.R's name. As it was, anything else would have been
anticlimactic. I had had my fun, I decided, and headed home. I
stopped at the copy shop on my way home, and ended up giving the
shirt to Ray, who had built it for me on short notice. I'm gonna
get him to do another next year, in full color with a picture, and
I'm gonna make at least a dozen posters. I have a year to come up
with a fakey-but-just-real-enough fetus in Lucite, as well.
Rev. Random the Other
"Filet of Soul, with Fries and a Shake - $380"