Subject: ROE

Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 05:52:45 -0500

From: "Rev. Random the Other" <>

Organization: Gription Clench

Newsgroups: alt.slack


January 22 - RALEIGH, NC

Of course the pro-lifer's were out in force, emoting floridly and

chanting, programming the schoolkids. There was a anti-pro-lifer

demonstration going on as well, but they were every bit as

humorless as the much larger oposition. I didn't realize

that it was Roe Day until a few days earlier; I had stumbled into

the annual rally the year before, unprepared, and promised myself

that I would join the festivities this year.


Actually, last year I guess I made an impression as well. Pam and

I had a plant physiology class on Saturday morning at the

Natural History museum, which is right next to the rally

concourse; there was a portable stage with a roof. It was raining.

As I had just gotten off work at 6am and the class was not until

9:30, I told Pam that I was going to catch a few hours sleep near

the museum, that she should find me and wake me before the class.

The covered stage was twenty feet outside the museum door, so I

crashed there. It was nearly nine when a police officer woke me;

fifty or sixty people were milling around, a half-hour late in

starting their prayers, all afraid to approach the scary looking

biker drug addict passed out on their stage. If I would have known

there were going to be news cameras...


There is a copy shop twenty minutes from home that will print

tee-shirts (Pammy has a GnFnR's St Louis Sucks tour shirt that I

designed myself from the place,) and they are willing to take

rush orders. I had a tee shirt made, simple block printing, that

says "I've performed 123 Abortions" on the front and "It's as

easy as 123" on the back. It also says F. Jones Abortion

Studios, Raleigh, NC 919-856-4630 in smaller script on the front.

Sorry, Friday, I don't really know why...and the number is Jesse Helm's

district phone.


I got a great idea at the last minute for a sign. It had been

warm here the last few days, and the mosquitoes are already back,

both the regular black squeeters that come out at dusk and the

new improved "Asian mosquitoes" with the white stripes on the

back legs that came in to the country via Baltimore Harbor a few

years back and have become the dominant species here; they are

active all day long. Anyhow, I swatted one on my arm, too late,

and suddenly found myself digging through stacks of old magazines

looking for "Bob" and Connie, wishing I had more time.


I found a photo of the two lounging by a pool. "Bob" had no pipe,

but I cut the table in the picture so that it left a stub that

COULD have been a pipestem. "Bob", Connie, Pool, Beachball. Then

I found a picture of an electric "BugZapper" from Sears and

pasted it above and center. I caught six mosquitoes one by one

in a jar, inverted the jar on my arm, let 'em juice up, then

smushed them on the posterboard creatively around the BugZapper.


I printed "FETAL ART" in 96 point, pasting it at the top, and

"Building a Bridge, pro-life / pro-choice, Former first trimester

fetii used as Art" across the bottom. I used a tobacco stake to

complete the sign.


There were lots and lots of signs, all seemingly designed by the

same hand. Mine stood out, having a color picture (I didn't see

ONE full-color abortion poster, they must have took some backlash;

those used to be popular). There were maybe two hundred people

there when I arrived. I waded into the crowd and simply stood

near the front. I didn't have to wait long. It was a woman who

read the shirt and asked if I was really an Abortionist. "Yeah,

I've only been doing it for few weeks (do the math), I was a

pediatrician for seven years before that." More people started

to read my poster. Another woman kinda smugly shrieked "And what

is THAT supposed to mean?" pointing at the poster. Several others

were trying to tell me that I was going to hell. I answered very

cheerfuly that I got a great idea of using real fetuses as art

and had opened a combination abortion clinic and art studio.

THIS piece was intended to respect the views of pro-lifers,

illustrating how relaxed and comfortable the pro-choice people

had become with abortion..."


"And those are suppposed to be real fetuses?" a man interjected.

(You could see the WINGS and LEGS if you looked closely. Sheesh.)

I had a gathering, so I spoke clearly: Oh yes, I think that I am

the first real Abortion Art Studio in the country. I find it a

powerful subject, and while I personally don't have a problem with

performing the abortions, I can respect that as Art the subject is

quite profound. Some people just want a momento; I have done

several fetii in Lucite. Usually just blocks, but one woman

commisioned a Lucite toilet seat with her fetus. Of course, it was

much further along than these..." I held my fingers about four inches



I was interrupted by a woman who tried to grab my poster. I yanked

back and held it higher, out of her reach, and she stalked off.

"That wasn't very polite," I said. Several people were saying

things to me, mostly accusations or gleeful promises of heavenly

punishment, some stomping away and then turning back as if against

their will to confront me some more. I ignored them and answered a

man who asked more rationally if the women who got abortions knew

how I was using their "babies". "Well, some women don't realize

that it is a real art studio. They think that it's just a front to

keep protesters and those nasty Operation Rescue people away. I

don't want to upset them. Others come to me for the art. There is

one woman who I swear gets pregnant just to add to her collection."


"How could you DO this?" burfled one indignant black woman. "Well,

most of the actual fetuses are only this size," gesturing to the

poster, "and once I vacuume the womb I just kinda dig around in the

cup until I find them. They're still really small at this stage..."

She started screaming and was joined by a few others; I couldn't

finish. I had a gathering, and more people were jostling closer to

read the poster and my shirt.


"Yes, I was just scraping by," I said loudly to no one in

particular, "and now my art is selling in New York. People LIKE

this. I'm not just a doctor, I'm an ARTIST."


It was then that I got pushed, hard. The indignant Black woman

managed to tear my poster, and maybe a dozen others tried to take

it away from me. I held it up, ripped and flapping, my banner, but

there were too many hands grasping and it was torn from my Gription.

I yelled "I'm trying to build a bridge!" Someone replied "It takes

a Village" which I smiled at, not thinking it was a clever comeback

but from silently adding "To Satisfy My Husband." For just a bit it

became an opportunity for loving people to take the Lord's name in

vain and to whap me ineffectually, and then I left them to

self-congratulations and empty promises of violence and, of course,



I was not bummed so much because they destroyed my poster but because

I hadn't the forsight to make several of 'em. I expected that it

would get trashed, but somehow I thought it would last longer. I

thought to spend the day agitating, maybe getting on the News and

mentioning J.R's name. As it was, anything else would have been

anticlimactic. I had had my fun, I decided, and headed home. I

stopped at the copy shop on my way home, and ended up giving the

shirt to Ray, who had built it for me on short notice. I'm gonna

get him to do another next year, in full color with a picture, and

I'm gonna make at least a dozen posters. I have a year to come up

with a fakey-but-just-real-enough fetus in Lucite, as well.



Rev. Random the Other

"Filet of Soul, with Fries and a Shake - $380"