Subject: Trepan

Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1998 02:21:04 -0400

From: "Rev. Random the Other" <>

Organization: Gription Clench

Newsgroups: alt.slack


I've taken to mentioning to the various groups that come to visit

the garden and nurseryette that we actually DO have time to pursue

other activities. "Pam leads an a cappella group, and I do

trepaning, and we also do a lot of music at home". I have yet to

be asked what trepaning is. Damn. I have a little rap ready, oh

YES, I'm VERY involved in ITAG - the International Trepanation

Advocacy Group - and I often assist, usually Wednesday nights. We

have DOZENS of people involved now, and seminars and books and an

internet bulletin board and live IRC chats. Do you ever get on

the internet? Etc. Without getting too specific. We are hoping

to expand into the public schools and get the younger people

involved - they really need something meaningful to participate in

to steer them away from drugs and strange religions. And the kids

are all into body piercing these days.


It is amusing how a little enthusiasm is kinda contagious. Use

the right tone of voice and pretty soon people are saying "Really?

That's SO WONDERFUL! I'm sure that you are really GOOD at it,

given how much you seem to ENJOY it" even though they have no

foggy clue what the actual topic is. In this case, the topic

involves using a power drill to bore a hole through your skull.

For health. And for that "childlike" buzz that people who have

had traumatic accidents involving head injuries often report, an

inadvertent side effect that has convinced more than one person

that the Ancient Wisdom of providing a cranial exit for demons or

evil spirits has a solid basis in SCIENCE. For information, see


For those honest enough to admit that they don't care to read

about it, they just want to see pictures of some fool drilling a

hole in their head, go to:


In the first article I read on this, the guy had mounted a drill

on the ceiling of his bathroom and stood up into the revolving

bit, describing how the bit was actually SMOKING as it bore

through the bone. I'm laughing my ass off. He must have used a

very dull drill bit, probably a 79 cent special. Was he too cheap

to buy a good bit? He said that he was straining against the

smoking whirring steel with all his might, and when the bit

finally punched through, his head went flying upwards and a huge

gout of blood spouted forth, and he thought, "Oh god, I think I

hit an artery." But then the peaceful childlike calm acesended

(through the hole from the outer realm? NO! From the brain

finally being able to pulsate, naturally, as a infant's brain does

when the skull is still soft) and I'm lauging again, thinking

s-h-o-c-k. I bet his pupils dilated, "the brain now able to take

in so much more."


On the one hand, I'm thinking: Invite 'em to Xday2 (XX) for an

on-stage demo. This was inspired by my favorite post-X-day

comment - Legume, who had his lips sewed together for X-day,

writing in Citizen Ken, "I used to mutilate myself with razor

blades." The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Maybe NEXT year he'll...


On the other hand, why not JOIN the ITAG, and advocate the next

level. No, no, not the cutting off of dicks (if I may digress,

there is a great FAQ out there that details this procedure for the

do-it-to-yourselfer, how to first place a catheter, why the member

will NOT look real great in a jar on the shelf afterwards,

comments on the frying and eating of said member, how to pee

afterwards, etc. I learned that many auto-penalyzers work up to

the big event by FIRST castrating themselves, and have reported

that when frying or boiling yer own gonads the consistency of the

dish is influenced by whether or not one has made a habit of

sticking needles through said 'nads during sexual play. I guess

that this could be just a joke FAQ, but sincerely I do not believe

this. The world is a big big place and I expect that there ARE

enough people who fantasize about cutting off and eating their own

genitals that these questions are frequently asked. And that's OK

with me. They're not advocating that every guy should stop

hangin', or that humanity would be more IN TOUCH without dicks;

simply, there are people who's sexual fantasies involve needling

and chopping, who derive their peak excitement in this way and BY

DOBBS I say they have been repressed by the Normal sexual mores

long enough! Eat the HELL out of that Nadburger! The FAQ might

be found by searching on *penis amputation* and is possibly in the

Eunuch Archives; the new NetNanny here won't let me verify this.)


I was thinking more along the lines of a sharp-stick-in-the-eye.

Trepanation utilizing a shoehorn to remove the eyeball, and a

dixie cup glued to the forehead to hold the dangling eye. Then

the sharp stick is placed firmly against the back of the eye

socket and a hammer used to drive the stick through the bone into

the cranium. The diameter of the sharp stick should be less than

the diameter of the eyeball to prevent the eye from rolling back

in the head when replaced. The way the Ancients used to do it.

Pure. Clean. Discrete. Easier to pass that job interview

without having to resort to artificial puttys and makeup. And the

slight pulsation of the eye with each heartbeat could be as useful

as a Mason's Handshake for identifying other 'paners.


Marlon Brando was trepaned. And Mikhail Gorbachev. And Reagan.

I'm pretty sure. Jim Brady. It must be quite popular with women

in India judging from the pictures I've seen, holes proudly

displayed in the center of the forehead. If we could get one of

these folks to wear a "Bob" t-shirt and then FILM them drilling,

the publicity would surpass that of blood wrestling. Close up's,

slow-mo's, continuous loops in and out and in and out. Yummy.

Or better yet, If we could get a volunteer for the

sharp-stick-in-the-eye method to allow Janor to drive the stick

home with a GOLF CLUB...


"Ooooops. Shoulda used a CRUCIFIX so it wouldn'ta gone so DEEP."




Rev. Random the Other

Gription Clench


Ok, More - For some reason I tend to be far more sympathetic to

the self-mutilators who are passionate in their reasons for the

act, be it obsessive-sexual, HATE driven, or politically extreme

like Eric Rudolph's brother, who cut off his right hand with a

circular saw and videotaped the act as his response to the FBI who

wanted him to help find his brother. Dumbasses who hear some New

Age pseudocrap and so decide to BELIEVE are just dumbasses. The

Citizen Ken post was in the top five most intensely sincere posts

I've read here, and Dobbs knows that I know ALL TOO WELL the

intensity of the passion that nearly killed (for real) Legume.

Unfortunately, that passion is exactly the force that makes life

among the Living Dead completely unbearable, which is just what

the CON wants: to turn your greatest strengths against you, to

make passion itself your enemy. Praise the CotSG for identifying

the REAL enemy. And although Legume may get teased for that post,

the fact that he GOT IT *ALL* comes through so clearly that it is

one of the most INSPIRATIONAL posts I've read. Ghod, it's so good

to see the good guys WIN for a change. I salute your intensity,

your achievements, and your success Dr. Legume. Welcome back.

Still ain't gonna sew my lips shut, tho.