Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1998 02:21:04 -0400
From: "Rev. Random the Other" <email@example.com>
Organization: Gription Clench
I've taken to mentioning to the various groups that come to visit
the garden and nurseryette that we actually DO have time to pursue
other activities. "Pam leads an a cappella group, and I do
trepaning, and we also do a lot of music at home". I have yet to
be asked what trepaning is. Damn. I have a little rap ready, oh
YES, I'm VERY involved in ITAG - the International Trepanation
Advocacy Group - and I often assist, usually Wednesday nights. We
have DOZENS of people involved now, and seminars and books and an
internet bulletin board and live IRC chats. Do you ever get on
the internet? Etc. Without getting too specific. We are hoping
to expand into the public schools and get the younger people
involved - they really need something meaningful to participate in
to steer them away from drugs and strange religions. And the kids
are all into body piercing these days.
It is amusing how a little enthusiasm is kinda contagious. Use
the right tone of voice and pretty soon people are saying "Really?
That's SO WONDERFUL! I'm sure that you are really GOOD at it,
given how much you seem to ENJOY it" even though they have no
foggy clue what the actual topic is. In this case, the topic
involves using a power drill to bore a hole through your skull.
For health. And for that "childlike" buzz that people who have
had traumatic accidents involving head injuries often report, an
inadvertent side effect that has convinced more than one person
that the Ancient Wisdom of providing a cranial exit for demons or
evil spirits has a solid basis in SCIENCE. For information, see
For those honest enough to admit that they don't care to read
about it, they just want to see pictures of some fool drilling a
hole in their head, go to:
In the first article I read on this, the guy had mounted a drill
on the ceiling of his bathroom and stood up into the revolving
bit, describing how the bit was actually SMOKING as it bore
through the bone. I'm laughing my ass off. He must have used a
very dull drill bit, probably a 79 cent special. Was he too cheap
to buy a good bit? He said that he was straining against the
smoking whirring steel with all his might, and when the bit
finally punched through, his head went flying upwards and a huge
gout of blood spouted forth, and he thought, "Oh god, I think I
hit an artery." But then the peaceful childlike calm acesended
(through the hole from the outer realm? NO! From the brain
finally being able to pulsate, naturally, as a infant's brain does
when the skull is still soft) and I'm lauging again, thinking
s-h-o-c-k. I bet his pupils dilated, "the brain now able to take
in so much more."
On the one hand, I'm thinking: Invite 'em to Xday2 (XX) for an
on-stage demo. This was inspired by my favorite post-X-day
comment - Legume, who had his lips sewed together for X-day,
writing in Citizen Ken, "I used to mutilate myself with razor
blades." The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Maybe NEXT year he'll...
On the other hand, why not JOIN the ITAG, and advocate the next
level. No, no, not the cutting off of dicks (if I may digress,
there is a great FAQ out there that details this procedure for the
do-it-to-yourselfer, how to first place a catheter, why the member
will NOT look real great in a jar on the shelf afterwards,
comments on the frying and eating of said member, how to pee
afterwards, etc. I learned that many auto-penalyzers work up to
the big event by FIRST castrating themselves, and have reported
that when frying or boiling yer own gonads the consistency of the
dish is influenced by whether or not one has made a habit of
sticking needles through said 'nads during sexual play. I guess
that this could be just a joke FAQ, but sincerely I do not believe
this. The world is a big big place and I expect that there ARE
enough people who fantasize about cutting off and eating their own
genitals that these questions are frequently asked. And that's OK
with me. They're not advocating that every guy should stop
hangin', or that humanity would be more IN TOUCH without dicks;
simply, there are people who's sexual fantasies involve needling
and chopping, who derive their peak excitement in this way and BY
DOBBS I say they have been repressed by the Normal sexual mores
long enough! Eat the HELL out of that Nadburger! The FAQ might
be found by searching on *penis amputation* and is possibly in the
Eunuch Archives; the new NetNanny here won't let me verify this.)
I was thinking more along the lines of a sharp-stick-in-the-eye.
Trepanation utilizing a shoehorn to remove the eyeball, and a
dixie cup glued to the forehead to hold the dangling eye. Then
the sharp stick is placed firmly against the back of the eye
socket and a hammer used to drive the stick through the bone into
the cranium. The diameter of the sharp stick should be less than
the diameter of the eyeball to prevent the eye from rolling back
in the head when replaced. The way the Ancients used to do it.
Pure. Clean. Discrete. Easier to pass that job interview
without having to resort to artificial puttys and makeup. And the
slight pulsation of the eye with each heartbeat could be as useful
as a Mason's Handshake for identifying other 'paners.
Marlon Brando was trepaned. And Mikhail Gorbachev. And Reagan.
I'm pretty sure. Jim Brady. It must be quite popular with women
in India judging from the pictures I've seen, holes proudly
displayed in the center of the forehead. If we could get one of
these folks to wear a "Bob" t-shirt and then FILM them drilling,
the publicity would surpass that of blood wrestling. Close up's,
slow-mo's, continuous loops in and out and in and out. Yummy.
Or better yet, If we could get a volunteer for the
sharp-stick-in-the-eye method to allow Janor to drive the stick
home with a GOLF CLUB...
"Ooooops. Shoulda used a CRUCIFIX so it wouldn'ta gone so DEEP."
Rev. Random the Other
Ok, More - For some reason I tend to be far more sympathetic to
the self-mutilators who are passionate in their reasons for the
act, be it obsessive-sexual, HATE driven, or politically extreme
like Eric Rudolph's brother, who cut off his right hand with a
circular saw and videotaped the act as his response to the FBI who
wanted him to help find his brother. Dumbasses who hear some New
Age pseudocrap and so decide to BELIEVE are just dumbasses. The
Citizen Ken post was in the top five most intensely sincere posts
I've read here, and Dobbs knows that I know ALL TOO WELL the
intensity of the passion that nearly killed (for real) Legume.
Unfortunately, that passion is exactly the force that makes life
among the Living Dead completely unbearable, which is just what
the CON wants: to turn your greatest strengths against you, to
make passion itself your enemy. Praise the CotSG for identifying
the REAL enemy. And although Legume may get teased for that post,
the fact that he GOT IT *ALL* comes through so clearly that it is
one of the most INSPIRATIONAL posts I've read. Ghod, it's so good
to see the good guys WIN for a change. I salute your intensity,
your achievements, and your success Dr. Legume. Welcome back.
Still ain't gonna sew my lips shut, tho.