Subject: Top ten signs...

Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1998 17:35:20 -0500

From: "Mr. Moron" <>

Organization: Sprynet News Service

Newsgroups: rec.humor


I borrowed this from the website of some buddies of mine, but who cares...


The Top 18 Signs You've Hired The Wrong Clown For Your Child's Party


18. By the end of the Party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my

finger" trick.


17. Clown car must be started with a breathalyzer device.


16. Keeps screaming, "My name' not BO-zo, its bo-ZO!"


15. References to Kieregaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.


14. Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide- screen



13. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb", trick.


12. Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in New York.


11. Didn't bring balloons, but managed to twist your dachshund into other

animal shapes.


10. Prefaces each trick with, "here's something that I learned in the



9. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.


8. Wears a T-shirt that says, "Drug free since March!"


7. More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.


6. Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of

showing pie charts and complaining about the deficit.


5. A sad clown is one thing - a clown who spends the entire party with a gun

to his temple is another thing entirely.


4. Only Balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."


3. Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King"


2. Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world."


And the Number 1 Sign You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party:


1. All balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.