"Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the

crap." - Steve Antczak


"From now on, as of this moment, you can do whatever you want." - Rev.

Willie at Slack Attack Devival, Dallas


"The toad may stand in the rain day and night, but its skin will never be

smooth." - Malay proverb


"But after I lick that toad day and night, it'll sure as hell look smooth

to me." - Dobbstown initiation oath Rev. Wilds


"Give me Slack, or give me Apache helicopters, Sidewinder Missiles and

nuclear warheads." - Rev. Ivan Stang getting all worked up on Hour of

Slack radio broadcast


"How'd it be if J.R. "Bob" Dobbs gave you a molten lead enema as 'part of

the satire'?" - Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite to hostile debunker caller


"It's the bizarre idiots that act smart." - Rev. Capt. H. M. Smith


"I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast." - Charles Fort ("Bob's"

third cousin)


"The dicks you can't see are always longer." - Dobbs, 1957, in his cups

in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.


"Real sex is Fats Domino. Bad sex is... Pat Boone." - Rev. Bleepo



"The difference between Heaven and Hell is which end of the pitchfork

you're on." - Rev. Sheldon DeWehr


"So I says to him, I says: "Look. Either we all come from monkeys or

we're supposed to be like this, and I don't like it either way." And he

says, "Ich verstehe nicht." So I killed him. - Rev. Dr. Chris Gross


"You do not fuck with a doktor unless he offers you the vaseline

personally!" - G. Gordon Gordon


"I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed." - J.R.

"Bob" Dobbs


"I am a man who pisses largely and frequently. This, they say, is a sign

of great mental activity." - Henry Miller


"He's an asshole - but even assholes have dreams." - Sam Lowry in BRAZIL

"Mine certainly does." - "Bob"


"Learn to be a Connoisseur of the Obvious." - Clevecclesians 6:14


"What do you throw a Pink who's drowning in quicksand?" "His wife and

child." - Boxholder




"Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.*" - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs in

a new 1991(!) memo


* "But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because

you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the



"I'm not into SubGenius for the religious aspect so much. I see the

Church more as... genetic stuntmen." - St. Joe Riley


"I'm afraid I just got no use at all for any god that's little enough to

fit inside of some old PILL." - Nenslo 1990


"They'll take away my 'Frappy when they pry it out of my cold dead

fingers." - Rev. Ivan Stang




"Without 'Frop I would go mad with ambition. I would beat my wife and

kids. I believe in Salvation through 'Frop. If I 'Frop, it is so that

others may live." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs


"I can handle it - I know when to quit. - FASTER, NHEE GHEE, MORE

REEFERS!!!" - Billy Samuels


"There'll be no smoking in the gas chamber." - Jimi Hendrix


"I never leave until I bleed 'em out of house and Launch Pad." -

Anonymous note (could be Cleve)


"FREE THE DOBBSTOWN 2.71828!!!" - Batrix


"I think I'll just lie here and try to dream some more about the Planet of

the Beautiful Blind Women." - an anonymous lonely SubGenius boy with his

dick in his hand


"SubGenius is the link between revolution and evolution." - Batrix


(With pictures of confederate flag and US flag): My Pride Squirts White

Stuff - What Does Yours Do?


PEE WEE HERMAN FOR PRESIDENT "Give us back our Willies!" - RAW