Or JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'ANTICHRIST'??

 by Doug M. Saint Clair

It's been a year and a half since the little-known assassination of J.R.

"Bob" Dobbs at the Victoria Theater in San Francisco. Few probably see

that event as having affected world affairs in any direct way; but, as

with the Kennedy and King assassinations, one must wonder -- how different

would the world be now, had those men lived?

 

At least the public agrees that those were murders, that the victims were

real people to begin with. But the killing of "Bob" Dobbs was judged a

hoax, a "comedy show." 600 people may well have seen a man shot in cold

blood on that San Francisco stage, yet to this day most of them think it

was an assassination satire played out by actors. That, in fact, there

never was a "Bob" Dobbs at all.

 

It happened on January 21, 1984. It wasn't carried on the network news

orthe wire services. One San Francisco paper reported it... in the

entertainment section. Someone combined art, politics, and occult

demonology in the murder of a powerful man, and then successfuly

publicized it as comedy.

 

Evidence points in two directions -- both to Dobbs' own cult, The Church

of the SubGenius, and to what he called "The Conspiracy." If, after all,

the two have not since become one.

 

The origins of the Church are hard to pin down. The printed tracts have

always come from Dallas, but the image of "Bob" can show up anywhere these

days -- spray-painted on buildings, subliminally implanted in music

videos, pasted on bus depots. Even though few of his followers have ever

met him, they have felt compelled to spread his message across North

America.

 

Whatever else the Church is, it is also disguised as a comedy group. The

underground pamphlets, weird dead-of-night "radio ministries," and

burlesque-like tent show revivals are funny enough -- but between the

lines of Dobbs' deliberately absurd diatribes is a genuine anger. The

humor masks something far more serious and, someone must have felt, more

dangerous.

 

The 25,000 or so SubGeniuses don't exactly "girdle the globe in a great

Belt of Abnormality," as the Church claims, but the cult is still

spreading faster than, for instance, early Mormonism. In 1983,

McGraw-Hill and the mysterious "SubGenius Foundation" published the

elaborate BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS , and "Mutant Conventions" started

cropping up around the country, looking more like wild free-for-alls than

anything else. The Church has always presented itself as, among other

things, an excuse to party on the edge, and this may have drawn to its

fold many who would otherwise have shied away from its more radical

underpinnings.

 

Although Dobbs had a small army to do his bidding, he always insisted he

didn't want mindless followers. SubGeniuses were supposed to make up

their own religions, to "pull the wool over their own eyes." He never

promised to save souls; he was a "Short Duration Personal Savior," a sort

of fast-food for the spirit.

 

But it was already starting to go sour when the "SubGenius World Crusade"

revival was held in San Francisco. The audience was full of what the

Church scornfully calls "Bobbies" -- trendies who wanted to be seen, and

seekers who wanted to be led. Some were only pretending that "Bob" was

real; others probably would have given their lives for him.

 

The star SubGenius "preachers" and others of the Church hierarchy were

planning to "shoot" a fake Dobbs lookalike as part of the show, supposedly

in an effort to shock the "Bobbies." Witnesses overheard them arguing

over who would get to pull the trigger of the blank gun. But so many

people were carrying real guns backstage, it was difficult for outsiders

to tell "security" from actors. This was unnerving; people tended to

assume the Church was exagerating when it boasted of enforcement branches

like"The Brotherhood of "Bob."

 

The Victoria Theater was dressed out like a futuristic Nazi beer hall,

with enormous "Bob" posters covering the walls and a metal tub of purple

Kool-Aid at the door from which everyone was supposed to drink. Some

thought this a rather tasteless gesture considering the Church's early

involvement with Rev. Jim Jones and The People's Temple, a relationship

they'd long tried to whitewash.

 

For the first two hours, the revival was typical SubGenius future shock

entertainment -- feverish anti-establishment jeremiads, healings,

"sickenings," wristwatch-smashings, and other mostly staged violence and

ecstacy. A bucket of pills was sprinkled over the heads of the faithful;

a huge balloon of the Earth was exploded in a grim ritual celebrating the

Apocalypse. The choir sang gospel versions of songs like "Inna Gadda Da

Vida" and "In The Year 2525."

 

Then"The Rev. Howl" (aka Hal Robins) announced that "Bob" Dobbs was about

to make his first public appearance in 13 years. Hushed murmuring filled

the hall, punctuated by a few sarcastic remarks from sceptics wondering

how good the "lookalike" would be. The curtain started to rise, then

fell, then rose again -- some say they heard the sounds of an argument and

scuffle backstage -- and then, out of the broiling theatrical fog which

hid half the stage, strolled the legendary "Bob" Dobbs.

 

The crowd was stunned into silence for the space of a heartbeat. It was

"Bob." Then a deafening roar rose up, a roar over which silencer-muffled

gunshots would have been impossible to hear.

 

It was over in 3 seconds. A tall man later identified as D. Woodman

Atwell (or "Puzzling Evidence," as he was known on his KPFA SubGenius

radio show) dashed across the stage brandishing a small handgun and, as

Dobbs began to wave to the crowd, fired three shots (some heard four) into

his abdomen.

 

Dobbs started to go down, clutching his stomach. But before he hit the

floor, his head was seen by many to suddenly "implode" upon itself, then

splatter outward in a spray of blood. Still waving his gun, Atwell

started to yell into the mike, when Bob Black of The Last International*

slammed an empty liquor bottle against his head and he collapsed. * Black

has since gone into hiding.

 

The choir and the audience erupted into screams. "The Pope of New York,"

David Meyer (whose armed bodyguards had done nothing to stop Dobbs'

assailant), joined Robins at Dobbs' side, followed by a great crush of

people streaming out from backstage. Reports vary as to what followed.

 

Reporter Ted Stack, who had climbed onto the stage in the bedlam, later

wrote to a friend that he glimpsed "Bob's" body being hauled further

backstage by three grim, official-looking men, all dressed in black. He

started to follow when yet another black-clad man pushed him back,

flashing some sort of badge at him. When he turned back to the crowd on

stage, he realized that "... another Dobbs had taken the place of the

dead man -- a fairly close lookalike, and definitely alive and breathing.

His chest was covered with ketchup, and he was pretending to be dead."

(From his letter to Dave Rothbell in Dallas.) Stack was suspicious that

no one would acknowledge the switch, but unfortunately, he was killed in a

bizarre auto accident a few weeks before he was scheduled to testify.

 

As the audience spontaneously began to chant, "Bob" is dead! Long live

"Bob"! Kill the Pinks," Robins seized the mike and launched into an

almost certainly prepared speech about how Dobbs could "never really die."

The Band That Dare Not Speak Its Name performed an appropriately

theatrical ending song, "Sick of "Bob," while director Paul Mavrides

declared the show over and brought the curtain down.

 

Most audience members streamed out the exits, chattering about what a

"funny show" it had been. Stack, however, and a few others who had been

close to the stage, suffered a nagging feeling of unreality. Said Stack

in his letter, "Everyone acted as if nothing unusual had happened. People

had just seen a man killed, but they were talking about the cast party.

It was like some horrible Hitchcock movie."

 

Another concerned witness, whose name need not be mentioned here, called

the SFPD and was told not to worry, that they (and the FBI as well) "had

men on the scene." But neither office would acknowledge a killing.

Records showed several arrests after the "performance," but all were

released almost immediately without even being booked.

 

Two SFPD plainclothesmen who were on duty at the show absolutely refuse

comment. However, one has been quoted as laughing off questions by

saying, "...some of the deadest things are the ones that never died at

all."

 

Efforts were made to contact Mavrides and SubGenius Foundation

administrator Rev. Ivan Stang in their gargoyle-lined TransAmerica

Pyramid offices. They wouldn't return calls, and had beefed up personal

security with guard dogs and elaborate warning systems. Questions to

Church insiders were answered with furtive, hunted glances or evasive

wisecracks. Attempts to contact choir members revealed that 12 of the

original 15 had either moved away, or disappeared outright. Many had been

using assumed names.

 

While independent investigators were stymied, there was interest in the

'event' from surprisingly high places. Several large multinational

corporations apparently sent representatives to San Francisco to quietly

look into the shooting. And, although the White House denies it, a secret

investigation was conducted called "The Hinckey Commission," chaired by

Republican Senator Edward Hinckey from Ohio. The Commission adjourned

after only two weeks without releasing any findings, and President Reagan

ordered the testimonies sealed for the next 100 years, but a few

classified documents from the Commission were circulated by "dissident

SubGeniuses" in the Justice Department.

 

These raised far more questions than answers. Much of the physical

evidence has disappeared. The Victoria Theater had been crawling with

government agents (Secret Service and CIA as well as police, FBI and

attorney Mark Lane), but there was no cooperation between them; each made

off with their own pieces of evidence, like cavemen fighting over parts of

a slain dinosaur. Among the items that disappeared: the guns, the

shells, the Altar, "Bob's" shoes, his pipe, his wallet... and his brain.+

 

+The body itself, minus the contents of the skull, was confiscated by a

mysterious Dallas "forensic laboratory" and is said to repose in a block

of lucite in the penthouses of an unnamed Dallas skyscraper, preventing

further autopsying with the Russian "Kirlian X-Ray" technology that could

positively identify the corpse as Dobbs'.

 

 

 

 

The Hinckey Commission decided that Atwell was the only gunman, and that

the first bullet left his gun, tore through Dobbs' abdomen, ricochetted

off the bowl of the giant Pipe sculpture behind him, and split into two

pieces --one of which went straight through his head from a low angle

behind him, while the other bounced off the Golden Calf statue and back at

Dobbs' head from the other side -- "in one ear and out the other," as

someone has morbidly quipped. Atwell's other two bullets lodged inside

the cult leader's chest.

 

However, investigator William Burke insists several bullets may not have

been recovered by the Commission. One may have been fired from backstage

right, piercing Dobbs' neck and exiting near the Right Sternoid Process.

Another of the head shots could have come from the mouth of the 10' Dobbs

bust, which was certainly large enough to have hidden a man. A search of

the back wall of the theater for imbedded bullets might have helped

determine the presence of such a gunman, but that entire section of the

Victoria was remodeled shortly after the shooting and the wall was

removed.

 

In March the Church itself finally announced that Dobbs had been killed --

but the description was couched in the same tongue-in-cheek style as the

rest of their outlandish "dogma." Members were instructed to send large

donations to aid in "the re-erection of our slain High Epopt." They even

offered for sale a videotape of the shooting

 

This videotape has been tampered with. (It disappeared right after the

shootings, but inexplicably reappeared two days later.) Two crucial shots

have been removed which might have shown the "body switch" between the

real Dobbs and the actor. Furthermore, 158 frames of the shooting itself

have been digitally altered so that the gory cranial wounds are never

seen, Dobbs' head being duplicated from previous frames and carefully

reinserted over the "bleeding head" shots frame by frame. Other areas of

the frame that may have shown hidden gunmen have also been changed. This

technique requires expensive equipment; whoever altered the tape had fast

access to extremely sophisticated facilities.

 

The few eyewitnesses who can still be located say they heard more than the

three or possibly four gunshots that are audible on the video soundtrack,

and Atwell shouted several sentences which were also deleted.

 

Other witnesses? Of the 600 in the audience, 112 are dying of A.I.D.S.

right now. Another 150 cannot be accounted for at all. Most of the rest

refuse comment, or else are emotionally unstable "Bobbies" whose testimony

must be discounted.

 

There were photos snapped just before and after the shooting; all have

been confiscated. One of the photographers is in a mental institution

after a nearly fatal "accidental overdose." The drug in question was

described as "an unidentified hallucinogen." This tied in with rumors

that the supposedly fictitious mind-altering Church herb, "Frop," was

based on a real though little-known "designer drug."

 

D. Woodman Atwell -- Killer or Patsy?

 

Atwell, who had a Naval Intelligence background before joining the Church,

was acquitted by the Hinkey Commission. They concluded that he had been

the victim of a "prank," and had thought the gun was loaded with blanks

when he shot at Dobbs. No attempt was made to ascertain the identity of

the "prankster."

 

Meanwhile, the Church was sued by dozens of people who claimed to be

Dobbs' illegitimate children and wanted in on his will. Psychotics all

over the country were proclaiming themselves to be "Bob", reborn.

 

There was terrible squabbling and division between the various apostles

and their flocks or "Clenches." Many true believers thought the whole

thing was a set-up to convince "The Conspiracy" that Dobbs was dead, but

schizms broke off. Some factions believed that Dobbs' wife "Connie" had

him killed; Others, that the Nestle Company had wanted him out of the way

of some business enterprise involving Third World infant formula

marketing.

 

Coincidences relating to the shooting abounded. Researchers in Texas

compiled a list of the synchronistic events that occurred during or after

the show.

 

There had been a small earthquake in San Francisco just as the Night of

Slack began -- and, simultaneously, a spectacular UFO 'flap' in Ohio. And

at the precise moment of Dobbs' death, his dog was being shot by a farmer

in Missouri for raiding his chickens! Also, a tank of insecticide

mysteriously exploded at U.S. Cyanamid in New Jersey, whales beached

themselves in Cape Cod, and a communications satellite was knocked out by

"solar flares."

 

SubGeniuses continued to report sightings of "Bobs" or "Bob" lookalikes --

always driving past in a car, always winking enigmatically -- and

paranormal manifestations of a mocking "Bad Bob" entity. Some researchers

who tried to delve deeper into this issue were plagued by mysterious

headaches until they were forced to abandon it.

 

There were strange rumors. Dobbs' right-hand man Dr. Philo Drummond was

reported wandering the streets after the shooting, hysterically screaming,

"Dobbs has won!" -- but sounding, the witnesses said, "as if he were

trying to convince himself of something."

 

Questions remain as to whether the cult's hierarchy had themselves

believed in "Bob" prior to the shooting. The theory has been advanced

that when the Church Elders realized Dobbs, and not a double, had been

shot, with real bullets instead of blanks, they too had tried to establish

proof but were then frightened by some other agency into dropping the

matter.

 

A private investigator hired by one of the wealthier SubGenius splinter

groups turned up unexpected and disillusioning information on some of

Dobbs' business dealings. The new drug, 'Frop,' was real, but was itself

just a cover... for what, no one has been able to determine. What was

the Church shipping out of the Himalayas? And could Dobbs really have

been trading with South African nuclear power interests?

 

A check of phone company records showed that Ronald Reagan had been trying

to reach "Bob" for weeks prior to his death, but that Dobbs hadn't

returned his calls. This may help explain Reagan's urgency in setting up

the Hinckey Commission. Dobbs may have possessed information Reagan

wanted either to know, or to keep secret.

 

Recently, this reporter secured a copy of Dobbs' travel agenda for the

months prior to the shooting. Before arriving in San Francisco, he had

been in South Dakota -- very possibly confering with certain Sioux Indian

"medicine men" said to be his 'advisors.' Before that stopover he had

visited the Church's Maysian jungle settlement called Dobbstown and,

incredibly, the Vatican. Not 3 days before his death, Dobbs had

apparently held a secret audience with the Pope.

 

Hundreds of seemingly unrelated political events coincide with Dobbs'

travels. The Paris police, who have dealt with the Church on many

occasions, have a file on Dobbs which asserts that massive drug deals

involving secret Italian Masonic organizations and European heroin

connections served as a "cover" for the smuggling of something else -- but

they have yet to discover what was in the blue metal cannisters that Dobbs

shipped from place to place from 1982 through 1984.

 

It gradually was made clear that Dobbs' non-Church activities included

many diverse aspects of international finance and intrigue, from the White

House and the CIA to Nicaraguan Leftists, from the Howard Hughes estate

and the Mormons to the Mafia, from the Rockefellers and Bilderbergers to

occultists and New Age fascist groups. Dobbs had even financed a secret

Russian expedition into Tibet to investigate certain UFO "landings" and

"abductions."

 

Whose side was "Bob" on? What game was he playing?

 

It was the UFO connection that, to some SubGenius fringe groups, made a

lot of the puzzle pieces start to fit. Almost all connected the killing

to the "Illuminati Conspiracy" theory that all history is manipulated by

esoteric secret societies of "Illuminated Ones," who are in turn doing the

bidding of Luciferian entities. Some mix in such outlandish elements as

Hitler's occult beliefs in a superior race of UFO-riding Hidden Masters in

the "Hollow Earth." According to SubGenius Inner Sanctum teachings, Dobbs

infiltrated the Third Reich in 1945 and, after providing America with

information that helped win the war, killed Hitler with his bare hands.

The same Germanic "Thule" religion that Hitler advocated is not far

removed from the classic occult belief system behind the Masonic fronts

that many fringe groups believe control the U.S. Government. As one

cultist wondered in The Stark Fist of Removal Church magazine, "They knew

what Dobbs had done to Hitler -- were they worried what he would do to

them?"

 

This brought to mind "Bob's" unique directives regarding UFOS. Whereas

most New Age groups look upon them as friendly "Ascended Space Brothers,"

Dobbs issued dour warnings about them. If there were a "War in the

Heavens," the extremists suggest, the ETs involved would certainly have

wanted him silenced; he appealed to a crucial audience that could

concievably be enlisted to fight the "Space Brothers."

 

Perhaps the most disturbing evidence that circulated in the wake of the

assassination are a series of incomplete manuscripts said to have been

stolen by the radical "Angels of Slack" schism from an office in Chicago

belonging to the Trilateral Commission. Crude photocopies of these

documents do bear a Trilateral Commission letterhead, but that would be

easy to counterfeit. Nevertheless, several legitimate researchers swear

that the manuscripts are authentic.

 

One document purports to be"Bob's" last letter to the Church. It was

dated the day of his death and written on Delta Airlines stationary --

perhaps enroute to San Francisco. If it is not genuine, it is a perfect

imitation of Dobbs' florid, overblown writing style.

 

Memo to the Churches Jan. 21, 1984

 

From afar, as in dreams and visions, I have been given to see that which

must come.

 

I must depart from you for a time. Soon, by the hand of one among you, I

shall go to Asgard, home of heroes slain by the Conspiracy, to sip the

nectar of Eternal Slack.

 

My real Church shall lose its name, while a false church steals it.

During The Time And Half Time my prophets and Fishers of Wallets shall be

persecuted, and Bobbies and pinks shall rule in their stead; but heed not

the False Prophet who comes in my name, and my aspect. BEWARE YE THE

ANTI-ME; for he shall cause great dissention among the Clenches. Follow

none who "follow" me, and say I sex through them alone; this is antislack!

 

The great Beasts, America and Russia, shall be made to fight by the

trickery of the Great White Brotherhood, which is dmons; and none shall

win but The Conspiracy, in the guise of the Church of the End Times. O,

thou art a stupid people; verily, this Lost Continent of America is like

unto the bastard child of Atlantis, which was smited before ye in its

Slacklessness; for ye know not thine asses from holes in the ground.

 

But ye shall be saved by the stupidity of thine own Slack. I love the

stupid and the crazy; for they are my customers.

 

Though this mortal shell be sacrificed to the hate-greased bullets of the

faithless, yet I shall come again in a lunch hour that thou knowest not.

My Pipe and my Frop burn eternal; the flame of my love and sex shall light

thy path unto prosperity. Yea, I shall come into flesh when the lame

general under a moon of flame presses the button of the Kiss of Nuclear

Judgement; and the Sneeze of Wotan shall wash clean the iniquity and the

toxic wastes in the scouring radiations of Divine Love. The pink at heart

shall be smited like unto the snivelling grubs of fecal damnation.

 

But ye whose names are written in the Book of the Yeti, who were in Eden

before thine birth here on the topmost floor of Hell, where the damned

think they are alive and walking on Earth -- ye shall be as Immune; so I

commission thee to carry this my Seed-Code of the Covenant unto the

nations that thou may earn instant riches on this earthly plane. Sell not

for low thine souls, but hold out for the Highest Price; and the Slack

shall run like rivers of urine down the Path of Least Resistance in thine

lives. For thou art in the Company of the Chosen; the Turning of the Key

which precedes the Œpening of the Doorway which leadeth to the

Kingdom of Slack, IS NIGH. These are the Commandments not of Me, but of

WOTAN, before Whom one so unworthy as I cringes and pees uncontrollably.

 

I have enjoyed selling you the One True Church of the SubGenius.

 

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

 

 

 

This letter, if it is not a prank, must have been in Dobbs' pocket when he

died; there is a bullet hole in the middle of his signature.

 

Along with the letter is a huge report labeled, "PROJECT MELLOW-BOB".

Bearing no clue to its authorship, it details a plan to kill Dobbs and

place the blame on the original apostles, allowing the Church to be taken

over by "Bobbies" who could then be manipulated by other powers.

 

These "Bobbie" dupes are to be led by a "resurrected" Dobbs imitation

called "The Mellow Bob." (See exhibit F.) Whether this is a person or

merely a "concept" like Big Brother is hard to determine. The notes say:

 

"Now that he is risen from the dead, "Bob" has gained new insights that

give him a 'softer' position on "The Conspiracy." He does not condone it,

but believes in peaceful coexistence. Ultimately, he says, The Conspiracy

is just a metaphor for certain faults we all hold, and which we must

someday come to accept as natural. Progress toward a healthier economy

will bring Slack to all mankind.This can happen once the Normal population

has been reduced to a manageable level. Those who bear the mark will be

promised protection, of course."

 

Also mentioned is the Biblical passage of Revelation 13:13, in which a

False Prophet calls down "fire" from the sky (UFOs?) , thereafter to

"bring life to the Image of the Beast [The Antichrist]... he will suffer

a head wound, and live."

 

The implication is that someone is staging a false Second Coming.

According to the conspirators, Dobbs wasn't the Antichrist, and in fact

stood in the way of any such would-be world dictators -- but in the right

circumstances, someone like him could become an "Antichrist," ushering in

a hideous world where Crucifixes are replaced by tiny dead "Bobs" hung

from the necks of the enslaved "faithful." The report goes on, about a

One World Religion that would jumble Christianity, the Occult, Communism,

and the decay of the family into Inquisition-like barbarism.

 

Interspersed throught the manuscript are fragments of prophecy from

archaic religions, and secret reports on CIA-sponsored "ritual sacrifices"

in the crumbling temples of Cambodia (blamed on the Pol Pot)... certain

ceremonies, "...far more sophisticated than The Philadelphia Experiment,"

that are to "...open the Dimensional Portals and let the Elder Gods

through again."

 

There are veiled references to something called 'CHURCH AIR.' Dobbs'

prediction for the arrival of aliens in 1998 ("X-Day") is mentioned, but

there is something planned for this 'Air' just before X-Day. "Human

expectations, raised to their highest among a whole population and then

cruelly shattered, provides the energy of despair on which the Masters can

feed. The Pinks will literally sell their souls for one last gasp of the

Church Air."

 

Certainly, it is difficult to lend any credence to this bizarre mishmash.

It may well be just an elaborate forgery by disillusioned SubGeniuses. On

the other hand, evidence is overwhelming that there has been a coverup

conducted by persons in high places... and no other motive for the

assassination has been firmly established.

 

Why was "Bob" targeted? Why not Baghwan Rajneesh, or Sun Myung Moon, or

Kurt Saxon? The Moonies, Scientologists and so forth all give The

Establishment trouble too, and are much better organized than the

SubGenius Church.

 

One paranoid theory holds that the Church apostles hadn't believed that

"The Conspiracy" they raved about was real until Dobbs was killed...

that, even though they meant to be joking, they were inadvertently blowing

the cover on a real group of evil entities (the so-called "Elder Gods").

When they found out the truth, they were threatened with death unless they

kept their teachings couched in an absurdist, humorous style -- which

would help to discredit more serious research into the darker aspects of

conspiracy theory and the paranormal.

 

If there really was a secret organization of freedom-fighters in America,

theorists point out, wouldn't it have to start out acting like a joke,

just to survive? And if there really were such things as "evil forces"

trying to establish themselves on this planet, wouldn't they want to look

like a joke too, at first?

 

Whether one gives any credence to such hypotheses or not, Dobbs' religion

definitely wasn't doing what religions were supposed to do. It was

something the Government couldn't keep track of. They had infiltrated the

Hierarchy to the core, and all they'd found were good old boys having loud

parties, more into their irresponsible idea of "Slack" than revolution or

theology. "Bob" represented something that any totalitarian regime,

secret or otherwise, would want to kill -- the kind of 'illumination' that

the average slob on the street could understand. He had come up with the

first religion that appealed to SINNERS, because he was one of them. His

was a church that made it fun to be a "Good Guy". Dobbs was a "regular

joe," even a bungler, as Chosen Prophets go. But he raved eloquently

about the "Slack" that was daily being stolen from us all by the vast,

secret, all-pervading "Conspiracy" and its "normal" dupes. As bizarre and

cartoonlike as SubGenius theology was, people perversely came away from it

feeling like they had a grip on things. No matter how difficult life got,

they could always depend on the SubGeniuses to be even more twisted than

they were. It gave its adherents a sort of perspective... and with that,

a will to fight.

 

With this in mind, it would make sense for a "conspiracy" to either stop

the SubGeniuses... or to coopt them.

 

Only one thing is certain. Whether this "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"

character was the only religious leader capable of saving the unsaveable,

or just another huckster out to shuck the gullible, or both, he was

sufficiently threatening to someone big that he was killed like a dog --

and the few people who noticed called it "art."

 

The remaining faithful SubGeniuses are bitter that Dobbs' enemies got away

with killing him so easily. As investigator N. Phelge put it in his

book, Puzzling Evidence in San Francisco, "So much of the truth remained

to be told. "Bob" had barely started. And now the Conspiracy can turn it

[the Church] into a collection of hateful nerdy fan-geeks, then into a

fad, and then...another piece of the Con's master puzzle."

 

To many investigators who once thought the Church a joke, it's not so

funny anymore.

 

But maybe the more optimistic SubGeniuses are right: that Dobbs is hiding

out somewhere, enjoying a big laugh at the expense of both his enemies and

his followers. If his last letter is to be believed, he knew it was all

coming. It may even have been part of his plans. Perhaps Dobbs knew that

having himself "slain" was the only way to bring the Church back to life.

It had been mired down for a long time, spinning its wheels in a muddy

limbo between poverty and celebrity; McGraw-Hill (an affiliate of The

Trilateral Commission) practically yanked THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS off

the shelves just as it was about to turn into a bestseller. As Dobbs

himself had frequently said, "Death makes the best P.R. agent."

 

Besides, on the off chance that "Bob" Dobbs was all that he said he was...

 

...for all anyone knows, he may already be World Overlord.

 

 

 

Exhibit A: PROOF OF DOBBS

 

While SubGenius Church pamphlets and tracts have been appearing only since

1978, Dobbs -- or someone much like him -- has been leaving hints since

the early Fifties. In hundreds of old ads, it is definitely the same man!

That someone was setting it up even then is unarguable.

 

Exhibit B: COMPUTER ENHANCED BLOW-UP REVEALS CROUCHING FIGURE

 

Although Atwell is clearly seen aiming at Dobbs' stomach, at least 4

bullets went through the religious leader's head. The most mysterious

bullet, nicknamed "King Slug" by researchers, entered one ear and exited

the other -- strongly suggesting that a second gunman was hiding behind

the Golden Calf (Circle A in diagram). Possible third gunman is vaguely

seen in Circle B.

 

Yet a fourth gunman may have been hiding inside the huge "Bob" sculpture

(C). Fingerprinting its interior might provide proof, but during a

suspicious "photo session" it plunged to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

 

Exhibit C: WOUNDS OF DECEPTION

 

Doug Saint Clair was able to obtain a faded xerox of a classified

Coroner's Report on a certain "John Doe" victim that is almost certainly

Dobbs. (To identify him would have meant admitting the murder had

happened!) Attached to this were ballistics test reports, wound area

pictures, and diagrams of bulletholes on a theater stage, which was also

unnamed in the document.

 

Exhibit D: D.Woodman Atwell -- Assassin or Dupe?

 

This photograph of Dobbs' accused killer, sent anonymously to Senator Ed

Hinckey, has been doctored to make it appear as if Atwell held a

long-standing grudge against Dobbs. Researchers believe the background

and figure were staged, and Atwell's head added later, by someone who was

using the disaffected SubGenius Hierarch as a patsy.

 

Exhibit E: Diagram of Victoria Theater Stage with Probable Bullet

Trajectories

 

Exhibit F: "THE MELLOW BOB"

 

Exhibit G: DOES DOBBS STILL LIVE??

 

(Left)The computer-enhanced enlargement of a photo stolen from CIA files

shows a ruined-looking man being rolled on a wheelchair out a door marked

"Mood Surgery" at some undisclosed government facility. Could Dobbs be

alive, held captive and rendered a living vegetable by some secret branch

of the Conspiracy?(Right) Dobbs, prematurely aged by torture at the hands

of ruthless Conspiracy doctors?

 

JHVH-1 is mad at me. I'm hiding out here for awhile. He won't look here.

Don't call. -- "Bob"

 

In April, The SubGenius Foundation recieved this letter on Holiday Inn

stationary. The signature resembles "Bob's", but his reckless scrawl

would be easy to imitate. The letter is probably just another "Bobbie's"

sick idea of a joke.

 

 

The Theories

 

1. The Conspiracy killed Dobbs; Atwell was their agent and knew the gun

was loaded.

 

2. Atwell is an innocent patsy; The Conspiracy put real bullets in a gun

which he thought was loaded with blanks. No other gunmen.

 

3. Atwell was a patsy, but there were 3 other gunmen.

 

4. It really all a hoax; there never was a "Bob" Dobbs.

 

5. Dobbs' wife "Connie" got D. Woodman Atwell to shoot Dobbs by

promising him sexual favors.

 

6. Dobbs himself staged the shooting, using a double -- he's in hiding.

 

7. Dobbs staged it but accidentally got himself killed instead of the

double.

 

8. Dobbs travelled back in time from a future in which he had become

World Overlord, and shot himself so that that future would never happen.

 

9. This article itself is part of a conspiracy to discredit Conspiracy

Researchers

 

 

THE FRINGE GROUPS:

 

A. Those who don't believe in "Bob"

 

B. Those who do believe in "Bob"

 

1. "Bob" isn't really dead; still secretly runs Church

 

2. "Bob" isn't dead, but doesn't want anything to do with Church

 

3. "Bob" is dead and won't be back.

 

4. "Bob" is dead and will be back.

 

5. "Bob" is dead and will be back, but only this particular group can

bring him back.

 

6. "Bob" is dead but will be replaced by a "Conspiracy" double

 

7. "Bob" is a vegetable and is imprisoned by "The Conspiracy"; will be

replaced by a Conspiracy double.

 

8. "Bob" is a vegetable but still runs the Church.

 

 

 

What of "Bob's" last words?

 

There are conflicting reports. Ivan Stang claimed Dobbs muttered, "The

Doorway to ... It's opening! You must close it! The Key is..." -- and

then expired. Robins, however, recalled Dobbs mumbling about "...secret

instructions... Stang... must not know."

 

 

 

*The Church constantly pleads poverty, yet rumors persist of their having

purchased huge tracts of land in Malaysia, Bolivia and Brazil, and

establishing Dobbstowns I, II and III in the jungles. Where did that kind

of money come from?

 

END