Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998

From: Candy-Colored Clown<> Organization: Society To PromoteTooth Decay and General Uneasiness

Newsgroups:,chi.personals, alt.slack, alt.angst




Crazy Eddie, the nut who introduced the wildly successful

Rent-An-Emaciated-Crack-Whore service, is now delighted to announce that

he has expanded his line to offer an alternative for today's powerful,

high-profile man: Rent-A-Nubile-Nymphomaniac-Intern! That's right! Who

better to service America's ruling elite than a wild-and-willing,

fresh-faced, co-ed/glorified secretary who swallows more than just her

pride! Whether you're a frustrated high-ranking legislative official or a

bloated CEO seeking to have special needs and carnal desires attended to,

we'll match you up with the appropriate gal from Eddie's well-maintained

stable of dorm dames! All of Eddie's handpicked, medically screened girls

have been extensively road-tested and are guaranteed to arrive hot, fresh,

pre-lubricated and post-menstrual! Each girl has been raised in a

coddled, stress and trauma-controlled, free range environment, so you can

be sure you're receiving only the very highest quality intern! Eddie also

promises front-door delivery within 24 hours or your first intern is free!

Attention married men: Get ready to experience a forbidden lust so

powerful, mankind's future hinges on its outcome! The new Monica series

is specially equipped to lure you into compromising scenarios and

embarrassing situations in a frantic attempt to garner attention and

possibly alter the course of human history! So go ahead and get

"internal" with the handpicked intern of your dreams, but act now while

she's still hot; there's always a special prosecutor just around the

corner waiting to chill her out!


Dial 1-800-ES-COURT and ask for Vernon!


Crazy Eddie says: "I'm not a pimp, though I am willing to learn!"