Subject: Re: Important News

Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1998 01:20:35 GMT

From: (Jahweh Lynch)

Organization: The Amnerican Forever, Etc.

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 


Thus spake nu-monet:


>It's kind of hard to be a good hero without a *really* nasty villain,

>too, so maybe you should ask the devil to do something really impressive,

>like a naked Mathilda May vampire in "Lifeforce"; then all you would have to

>do is make him stop and everyone would think it was really cool.


Hitler. Hitler is more evil than Satan. Bring back Hitler and have Jesus

kill him, and then he'd get a lot of followers.


>Help the poor? Hah! Would it ever cross your mind that the *great majority*

>of the poor remain so because of self-inflicted stupidity? Can you heal

>stupidity? What are you going to do, overturn the rule of nature that says,

>"If you are to *damn dumb* you suffer n' die?"


Who the hell do you think Christianity is supposed to appeal to? The LOSERS!

The people who NEED a savior to cope with the inadequacy of their own lives!

No, what Jesus needs is a new beatitude: "Blessed are the dumbshits." Don't

even bother to give them the promise in the second half, that's all they need:

"Blessed are the dumbshits." Sure, if you're too damn dumb you suffer and

die, but even if you're not dumb you suffer and die. And what Jesus is all

about is saying that THAT'S OK. Which people want to hear anyway.


>Here's an idea: prohibit all Christian religions from practicing their

>faith indoors! Before you hear Prayer #1, they got to sell off all their

>worldly goods, including their shoes. Whip 'em into shape. "My way or

>the HELL way!" Scare the snot out of them. Then, just before you leave,

>say, "Just Kiiidddiiinnnnggg!", then *poof!*, yer gone.


Sell? What's this sell stuff? Back in the day, Jesus would go around saying

"OK, leave behind everything you own and FOLLOW ME." That was his big thing.

Family? Forget it. Job? Repent! Quit your job!


>The worst thing you could do is what a Jewish Messiah is supposed to do--

>create an empire out of Israel that would rule the world. Yecch. I think

>that even most Jews realize how shitty an idea that would be.


Only if Fran Drescher was involved.



"Marry a rat or a dog late in life. Avoid monkeys."

- My Chinese Fortune

Jahweh "Dave" Lynch- Asexual Crispin Glover Wannabe At Large