Subject: Helpful Hints for Times of Strife

Date: Thu, 19 Mar 1998 00:55:47 GMT

From: (Dave Lynch)

Organization: The Amnerican Forever, Etc.

Newsgroups: alt.slack


So, we find ourselves in the middle of another fairly nasty bout of

internecine squabbling. Yes, even more petty and mean-spirited than

"Holocaustals Vs. Evangelicals" or even "Cat Slack Vs. Dog Slack", this

latest bout of flamewars finds sudden eruptions of violence for absolutely

no reason whatsoever. Sign of the End Times, or the End Church? Whatever

the reason, BE PREPARED.


Kill "Bob" before he kills you. Often, the best course for the SubGenius

faced with unpleasant truths is to deny ever being a SubGenius. You can

found your new religion on any beliefs you find convenient- the best thing

about Dobbs is that he's a totally platform-independent deity- the beliefs

you formerly wasted on "Bob" can be lavished on any number of alternate

"saviors"- a TV show, a political party, even a cheap plastic trinket can

be your new key to eternal happiness! Subsitute confusing "Slack" for far

more easily explicable "faith", "spirituality", "orgasm", or

"transcendence". Customization is the key. Even if the Church isn't going

down like a ton of bricks (or a lead balloon), "Bob" will thank you for it

later, and maybe even suck your dick. The most important think is to keep

on living your life as if nothing really had happened- it hasn't. Remember

this Zen aphorism: Life before enlightenment: Chopping wood, cooking food.

Life after enlightenment: Chopping wood, cooking food. Unlike other,

lesser religions, which encourage you to maintain belief to utterly

ridiculous lengths, if you don't leave after a certain amount of time, we

KICK YOU OUT! The Church of the Subgenius is not a life goal in and of

itself, but a "school" for religious charlatans. Those of us who have

"graduated" hang around for the same reasons pedophiles hang around at

elementary schools.



| _ _ | Nasi bianchi come Fruit of the Loom, che |

| | \/ | | diventano piu' rossi di un livello di DOOM |

| | | | Dave Lynch heeft geschreven mit keine "whats" |

| | Mug by Frankie HINRG MC-Quelli Che Ben Pensano |