Subject: Low-Budget Collegiate Slack Tour Update

Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 22:51:47 GMT

From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Max Sendq)

Organization: Zippo News Service [http://www.zippo.com]

Newsgroups: alt.slack, alt.discordia, alt.religion.subgenius, alt.brother-jed

 Hi ya, folks! Update time! First off, I've had a tremendous positive

response from all over, and a lot of excellent suggestions. Thanks to

everybody for their support.

 

I haven't, as yet, found the one thing this venture is most

desperately in need of- namely, a co-conspirator with a steely

desperate will and also a car. This could be the difference between

life and death for the ENTIRE WORLD, or at least you personally. For

those Subgenii, I'd like to remind you that the days until X-day are

numbered- 169, to be exact- and that the success or failure of "Bob"'s

plan depends on YOUR actions right here and now. There has never been

and never will be a better time for a venture like this. Sodom and

Gomorrah fell for want of five good people. I'm not even THAT

demanding- I'm seeking only one person, just ONE PERSON, with the

strength of character to join me. And also a car. Do you want the

whole of the PLANET EARTH to suffer the same fate?

 

For you profligate scoffers who deny the inevitable truth of "Bob"'s

word, I would like to remind you that each day you live brings you

closer to your last breath. How are you living your life now? Are

you working at some shitty no-account dead-end job in a town full of

morons you hate? Are you trying to justify your existence by inching

your way towards a diploma with bullshit classes you could just as

easily take NEXT semester? Are you perhaps an embittered retired man

with nothing to do and noplace to go but the dreaded "home"? Whatever

your circumstances, I want you to ask yourself: What's the risk of

taking just six months of your time as opposed to just living your

humdrum existence? And what's the reward?

 

Ah, yes, the reward. Sure, you might not get rich. But you'll have a

chance to see the country, to meet people of all walks of life, to

make contacts among the future rulers of the world that could serve

you well. Yes, you stand to gain adventure, friendship, and- hell,

let's be blunt here- PUSSY. Inveterate lechers, you have the WORLD to

gain here! Colleges are just PACKED with fine, fine looking chicks,

many of whom could REALLY go for an outspoken and forceful bohemian

presence. And that presence will be YOU, sir. Am I making any

inroads here? Hello? Pastor Craig? Someone?

 

Or how about you hippies? Is Phish on tour on the time frame I'm

talking about it? Can somebody tell me if this is an avenue worth

investigating? I'm thinking it might be a bust on account of the fact

that I don't want pot involved, but if someone can tell me different,

please do. I certainly don't want to "spam" anyone, but OTOH, I don't

want to leave ANY stone unturned. If you know newsgroups that you

think would be receptive, let me know. And if you tell me

rec.org.mensa, I'll slap yo' honky ass.

 

Well, OK. Polemic mode OFF. IF that doesn't work out- and it's still

the preferred option- a fine young fellow by the name of Northern

Mystic has come up with an idea so perfect in its elegant simplicity

that I NEVER would have thought of it. IF you cannot spare the time

to ferry around the country- and face it, most of you can't- I would

benefit profoundly by simply having rudimentary lodging (I'm not

picky; I'd sleep in a closet or barn if I had to), grub, and transport

between gigs (again, I can cover gas costs). Thus, if you want me

appearing at a school in your area, PLEASE let me know as far as

lodging and transport is concerned. It would also be VERY helpful to

know the college's policy on itinerant preachers- I'd like this to be

as stress-free as possible. There WILL probably be some tricky

stretches- Iowa comes to mind immediately- but if I can get this

reasonably well sorted out, it might be worth doing.

 

The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show. But at

the same time, it's NOT very tightly-plotted, so if you have a

desperately improbable yet cool stunt you've been dying to pull off

for a while but haven't had the opportunity- and I KNOW plenty of you

do- I can quite definitely accomodate. At the same time, if you'd

just like some nice, personable, helpful (as established, not much

money, but if you like, I could clean your bathrooms or do your dishes

or something), and I generally wouldn't even bother saying this

because it's so overwhelmingly self-evident, but anyone embarking on

an enterprise of this nature is due to get some funny looks,

CERTIFIABLY SANE company, please deluge me with offers!

 

I'll say that again: PLEASE DELUGE ME WITH OFFERS!

 

Thank you.

 

General time/place schematics:

I'd like to hit the South first, while it's still frozen up north and

warm down South. Similarly, I'd like to hit the West Coast in March.

Everything else is up in the air.

 

Two other things I would find very profoundly useful- (1) portable

tape-recording equipment. I'd like to capture as much of my

performances as I can on tape, as well as be able to make journal

notes between gigs (I can't write for shit, or indeed very fast. A

tape deck, however shitty, to dictate notes into would be an immense

aid). (2) Coffee. Lots and lots of it. I'm not generally one for

chemical motivators, but not only does this WORK, it's legal, and with

what I may be getting into, I figure I'll need all the help I can get.

 

One other thing. If anyone has Rev. Fast Eddie's email address, could

they please send it to me? Thanks.

 

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