Subject: Low-Budget Collegiate Slack Tour Update
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 22:51:47 GMT
From: email@example.com (Max Sendq)
Organization: Zippo News Service [http://www.zippo.com]
Newsgroups: alt.slack, alt.discordia, alt.religion.subgenius, alt.brother-jed
Hi ya, folks! Update time! First off, I've had a tremendous positive
response from all over, and a lot of excellent suggestions. Thanks to
everybody for their support.
I haven't, as yet, found the one thing this venture is most
desperately in need of- namely, a co-conspirator with a steely
desperate will and also a car. This could be the difference between
life and death for the ENTIRE WORLD, or at least you personally. For
those Subgenii, I'd like to remind you that the days until X-day are
numbered- 169, to be exact- and that the success or failure of "Bob"'s
plan depends on YOUR actions right here and now. There has never been
and never will be a better time for a venture like this. Sodom and
Gomorrah fell for want of five good people. I'm not even THAT
demanding- I'm seeking only one person, just ONE PERSON, with the
strength of character to join me. And also a car. Do you want the
whole of the PLANET EARTH to suffer the same fate?
For you profligate scoffers who deny the inevitable truth of "Bob"'s
word, I would like to remind you that each day you live brings you
closer to your last breath. How are you living your life now? Are
you working at some shitty no-account dead-end job in a town full of
morons you hate? Are you trying to justify your existence by inching
your way towards a diploma with bullshit classes you could just as
easily take NEXT semester? Are you perhaps an embittered retired man
with nothing to do and noplace to go but the dreaded "home"? Whatever
your circumstances, I want you to ask yourself: What's the risk of
taking just six months of your time as opposed to just living your
humdrum existence? And what's the reward?
Ah, yes, the reward. Sure, you might not get rich. But you'll have a
chance to see the country, to meet people of all walks of life, to
make contacts among the future rulers of the world that could serve
you well. Yes, you stand to gain adventure, friendship, and- hell,
let's be blunt here- PUSSY. Inveterate lechers, you have the WORLD to
gain here! Colleges are just PACKED with fine, fine looking chicks,
many of whom could REALLY go for an outspoken and forceful bohemian
presence. And that presence will be YOU, sir. Am I making any
inroads here? Hello? Pastor Craig? Someone?
Or how about you hippies? Is Phish on tour on the time frame I'm
talking about it? Can somebody tell me if this is an avenue worth
investigating? I'm thinking it might be a bust on account of the fact
that I don't want pot involved, but if someone can tell me different,
please do. I certainly don't want to "spam" anyone, but OTOH, I don't
want to leave ANY stone unturned. If you know newsgroups that you
think would be receptive, let me know. And if you tell me
rec.org.mensa, I'll slap yo' honky ass.
Well, OK. Polemic mode OFF. IF that doesn't work out- and it's still
the preferred option- a fine young fellow by the name of Northern
Mystic has come up with an idea so perfect in its elegant simplicity
that I NEVER would have thought of it. IF you cannot spare the time
to ferry around the country- and face it, most of you can't- I would
benefit profoundly by simply having rudimentary lodging (I'm not
picky; I'd sleep in a closet or barn if I had to), grub, and transport
between gigs (again, I can cover gas costs). Thus, if you want me
appearing at a school in your area, PLEASE let me know as far as
lodging and transport is concerned. It would also be VERY helpful to
know the college's policy on itinerant preachers- I'd like this to be
as stress-free as possible. There WILL probably be some tricky
stretches- Iowa comes to mind immediately- but if I can get this
reasonably well sorted out, it might be worth doing.
The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show. But at
the same time, it's NOT very tightly-plotted, so if you have a
desperately improbable yet cool stunt you've been dying to pull off
for a while but haven't had the opportunity- and I KNOW plenty of you
do- I can quite definitely accomodate. At the same time, if you'd
just like some nice, personable, helpful (as established, not much
money, but if you like, I could clean your bathrooms or do your dishes
or something), and I generally wouldn't even bother saying this
because it's so overwhelmingly self-evident, but anyone embarking on
an enterprise of this nature is due to get some funny looks,
CERTIFIABLY SANE company, please deluge me with offers!
I'll say that again: PLEASE DELUGE ME WITH OFFERS!
General time/place schematics:
I'd like to hit the South first, while it's still frozen up north and
warm down South. Similarly, I'd like to hit the West Coast in March.
Everything else is up in the air.
Two other things I would find very profoundly useful- (1) portable
tape-recording equipment. I'd like to capture as much of my
performances as I can on tape, as well as be able to make journal
notes between gigs (I can't write for shit, or indeed very fast. A
tape deck, however shitty, to dictate notes into would be an immense
aid). (2) Coffee. Lots and lots of it. I'm not generally one for
chemical motivators, but not only does this WORK, it's legal, and with
what I may be getting into, I figure I'll need all the help I can get.
One other thing. If anyone has Rev. Fast Eddie's email address, could
they please send it to me? Thanks.
Remove "whats" from my email address to mail me!