Subject: Manse Diaries: Six O'Clock
Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 02:30:29 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
What was happening here at 6:00...
I finished making a bowl of baby slop for Bobo, who is still somewhat
restricted in her diet by virtue of having only one tooth. She was
using her new gimme-gimme screech, which is really best appreciated
through six inches of concrete. At close range, it tends to make the
eardrums vibrate in sympathetic rhythm with an increased heart rate,
so that if you could hear your heart you would be convinced that it
had been stopped by the sound. She is our secret weapon.
My waffle-iron was at the ready, so I slopped a ladle-full of batter
into it and told Bobo to OPEN WIDE. I did not feed her the batter, but
nudged several spoonfuls of cream of wheat into her while we sat on
the kitchen floor. She sneezed. I was splattered. It was one of her
Spunky chased Sparky into the kitchen, then out of the kitchen, then
back in, until Sparky implemented a brilliant strategy: she would hide
under the kitchen table while Spunky watched and brandished her water
balloon. I said several things at the same time like, NOGIMMETHATNO
GETOUTTATHERENOGOGOGO!! I restored the quiet for about 10 seconds.
I unlocked the front door for the Rev, while making various unheard
threats to my alleged children. Sparky approached quickly and with
tears. The water balloon business was all forgotten, but now she had a
real emergency: her butt itched. I've never seen anyone who could get
as much mileage as she can out of an itch. "It just WON'T STOP!" she
said. I advised her to try to forget about it and then stubbed my toe
badly in my hurry to discover that I had just burned the waffle.
Another Dog Waffle into the dish. Happy dog.
I gamely slopped another load of batter into the iron and resumed
feeding the Bobo. All I could think is that I was VERY VERY GLAD that
MY butt didn't itch.
The neighbors decided that this would be a good time to inspect their
gutters. The ladder, the neighbors and the flashlights were in plain
sight of our dining room, so naturally the dog went INSANE. I didn't
think it was possible to bark that much with a mouthful of waffle. I
will have to try this myself.
The Rev came in to a hero's welcome. Spunky got to tell him that she'd
made herself a water balloon and painted on chicken pox, and Sparky
got to talk about her butt some more.
The phone rang. At this wholly inconvenient time of evening it's
ALWAYS a sales call, so I said, "Hello! You are one more thing on the
They hung up.
No more dog waffles were had, and YES, her butt still itches.
Bobo: "GWICK! Em beh-BWAH-DA!"
Translation: My! That was unpleasant! Please help me keep the
spoon away from the back of my throat next time!
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