Date: 06 Jun 1998 05:41:43 EDT

From: Pee Kitty <>

Organization: Dobbstown Sane Asylum

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2


Bishop187 <> spewed forth:

> Ok. Bishop187 here, over in alt.shenanigans. I've been following this thread,

> and I would like to ask people in alt.slack: exactly what *is* slack? (Please

> reply by email, to avoid posting stuff that people on one newsgroup know, and

> the people on the other either know or don't care. )


Waitasec...that's missing the whole POINT, m'man! We're not just a

collective gathering of idiots and misfits mentally masturbating at our

computers! We're a RELIGION full of idiots and misfits mentally

masturbating at our computers! We have to spread the I do this

out in the open rather than email, in the hopes that some small measure of

souls can be saved...


Slack is a very hard word to narrow down, as any good religous term should

be. It is something like happiness, but beyond it. Like luck, but beyond

it. Like sex and money and everything good, but beyond it. Slack is that

essential spark of LIFE that everyone was born with, but that the

Conspiracy of Normalcy (aka the Con) has worked hard to take away from us.

Most people nowadays have none of this spark left in them...their days are

filled with meaningless, repetitive work followed by meaningless

repetitive "fun". The Con keeps a wire wound up around their neck and

spine so tightly that they can't even think...they figure that this is the

way life is, that you get nothing for nothing, and they drudge through

their days sadly. What they need is a little Slack.


Slack is something for nothing. It's a sort of direct perception on life

combined with an influx of happiness and luck. Slack is truly Something

for Nothing. When you can walk into an empty in which no

normal human could find any special happiness, luck, or redeeming values,

and glean true Happiness, Luck, or any other Wonderful Thing out of it,

that's Slack. It's an attitude in some ways, a ethereal quality in others,

and something indescribable in most. It's easier to give examples of NOT

having Slack than of having it. When you're saying to yourself, "Oh, I'd

be happy if I only had <X>", where <X> could be anything from a blowjob to

a sandwich, but you can't be happy without's SLACK that you really

need. When you have Slack, you can get that sandwich or that blowjob or,

more importantly, whatever you REALLY need (whether you know it or not) to

be happy. It snowballs...a little luck turns into a tidal wave of it.

We're all questing for Total Slack, but that's hard to come by with the

Con in full force.


What's the Con? It's not some delusionary Illuminati group controlling the

world. We're cultists, but we're not MORONS. The Conspiracy is so

insidious and selfperpetuation because it does not REALIZE that it IS a

conspiracy! It's the subconscious agreement among the minds of the

majority of what is and is not "normal". Everyone KNOWS that you have to

have a job...anyone without a job can't live a normal life, right?

Everyone KNOWS that people can dress certain ways...anyone who dresses

against those ways isn't normal, right? You get the point. This Con has

been sucking away the Slack of the world for hundreds of hundreds of

years. Others have realized it, and been wiped out before they could cause

any change. Recently, a few decades ago, a man by the name of J. R. "Bob"

Dobbs experienced a divine emaculation in which he realized that this

Conspiracy of Normalcy existed...that IT was the reason the world was so

fucked up...and that it was nearly impossible to fight, because the

people being oppressed by it were the ones conspiring in it! He realized

that there was something being taken away, something that we all need and

all deserve to have, since it's unlimited and free...he called it Slack.


And we've been grabbing as much Slack as we could get ever since.




Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian



| "Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke is more than just a meaningless |

| slogan; it's actually a pretty serious statement, and one that I hold |

| true to, with a cream pie in one hand and a chainsaw in the other..." |

| -- Me |