Tired of the hypocrisy and PINKNESS of a world without Slack?
Become a Licensed Minister and get ALL of the hypocrisy with NONE of the PINKNESS. Once your Third Nostril is opened you will find yourself in a new WORLD of potential where NONE before existed. Suddenly you will KNOW thousands of Latent Yetisyn by their pstench. These Others, YOUR KIND, yet Unsaved and still in CONSPIRACY CHAINS, await only YOUR BEST EFFORTS to open their wallets to "Bob". And once those wallets are opened, well, HELP YOURSELF--after all, you ARE a Licensed Minister.

Too busy, too rushed, too harried to read all the crap on this page? That's OK! We understand. The JOB, the kids, the spouse, all those others that made PLANS for you and now you're STUCK and even though you aren't really ENJOYING your JOB or your kids or your spouse or your LIFE, you gotta at least put the BEST POSSIBLE FACE on it, or what would people THINK? Maybe you promised someone you'd check this page out, and now it seems only ONE MORE OBLIGATION, one more thing that sombody else wants you to do when you'd rather be, well, Slacking Off--but of course THAT never happens. Hey, have we got a bargain for YOU! Here is a HANDY SUMMARY of the whole page, so you can pretend that you read it all, and still catch some quality numbtime in front of the tube before you have to go do MORE of whatever they ask.

Or maybe you've heard that the Church of the SubGenius is run by criminals who lie, scam, and even kill and would like to read a story that is ALL TOO TRUE about someone who thought so too but CHANGED HIS MIND.

But we suggest that you ignore all this