ARTICLES of TRUTH XII


More Rants, More Brags, More Bullshit

than ANY other Religion



Tired of the hypocrisy and PINKNESS of a world without Slack?
Become a Licensed Minister and get ALL of the hypocrisy with NONE of the PINKNESS. Once your Third Nostril is opened you will find yourself in a new WORLD of potential where NONE before existed. Suddenly you will KNOW thousands of Latent Yetisyn by their pstench. These Others, YOUR KIND, yet Unsaved and still in CONSPIRACY CHAINS, await only YOUR BEST EFFORTS to open their wallets to "Bob". And once those wallets are opened, well, HELP YOURSELF--after all, you ARE a Licensed Minister.

Too busy, too rushed, too harried to read all the crap on this page? That's OK! We understand. The JOB, the kids, the spouse, all those others that made PLANS for you and now you're STUCK and even though you aren't really ENJOYING your JOB or your kids or your spouse or your LIFE, you gotta at least put the BEST POSSIBLE FACE on it, or what would people THINK? Maybe you promised someone you'd check this page out, and now it seems only ONE MORE OBLIGATION, one more thing that sombody else wants you to do when you'd rather be, well, Slacking Off--but of course THAT never happens. Hey, have we got a bargain for YOU! Here is a HANDY SUMMARY of the whole page, so you can pretend that you read it all, and still catch some quality numbtime in front of the tube before you have to go do MORE of whatever they ask.

Or maybe you've heard that the Church of the SubGenius is run by criminals who lie, scam, and even kill and would like to read a story that is ALL TOO TRUE about someone who thought so too but CHANGED HIS MIND.

But we suggest that you ignore all this

and skip right to THE GOOD STUFF.

TESTIFICATION of the GODS
I HATE these people. These are HONOR STUDENTS.
THERE ARE NO ENIGMAS IN SACRED SPACE
Stoned. Immaculate.
Doug Smith has the customers he deserves
Sooner or later you catch yourself peeing while standing up
I will SPY on MYSELF!!!
Henceforth, my name will be
And you know where to find the best pills, don't you?
Everything you know is wrong
DuhhhDuhhhh!
NO YOU MAGGOT! GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
From just beyond the edge of light
Prepare to erase and terminate any feral AI over DEVlevel 295
Did you SIN too much today?
No moral. Not funny.
All he said was "I've got Slack."
There are thousands of avenues to take
Were YOU a real person? EVER?
This tireless intern's snatch
And why pick on cinder blocks?
He who dies earliest and bestest
I reached in and pulled his eager membrane
Human tire wedge
That's the way the pork wags, I say
Sex can just be sex
I don't even blame Disney
You will NEVER get what you want
How much power would Pit Slaves have
I do not see this as a room full of corpses
Pooh Goes Apeshit
Except Janor
Once I vacuume
Santa cut down two of them before they could realize their situation
My neighbors would have to use milk crates for furniture
Get stompin' woman!
Spokesdrone for the revolution
A very dull drill bit
We not only had money stolen from us
Certainly eight hours older
It was so much easier for her to be a bird
Not exactly the Pee Wee Herman imitation you were expecting
He was a scrawny calf
A bunch of weirdos with nothing in common
I just wanted to put up a Rant without putting in any effort
Personal Credibility
FAT GUYS
There have been five such major extinction events
You organometallic, anthropoid moron
Would you like to stuff a gerbil up my ass?
ANYTHING THAT MAKES IT HARDER TO PEE IS ANTISLACK
Dramatically up in the air
Mysterious Mysteries
Although Dobbs had a small army
The idea that everyone was "unique" was widely promoted
Terms like "Master" and "Slave" are not often used
In the box with the sleeping turkeys
I've never seen him sober except when he was in jail
Do I need my Rock & Roll
The world of rules was no longer enough for you
Well, I think the honor would go to would-be elitists
BLADDER-SUCKING MANIACS
Because there is no major market for human hides
Come to think of it, money would override even my hetrosexuality
Rent-An-Emaciated-Crack-Whore-Service
What IF the things you fear are TRUE
The world is full of people who ALMOST understand
Bring Hitler back and have Jesus kill him
He can have his "cleanup crew" come by and loot
The typical dichotomous states of the holiest SubGeniuses
they felt that I was stable enough for the work camp
The problem with walls built around yourself
With so many ways to kill "Bob"
Well, it works because its FIXED
Radio-controlled poon
RealFucking (tm) plug-in
A totally platform-independant diety
There is no way in hell you are going to tear down the walls
For you profligate scoffers who deny the inevitable truth of "Bob"'s word
Ordinarily, I wouldn't expect to get through it
I've been vaguely worried, in a soulless sort of way
Another Dog Waffle into the dish
I built COURTNEY LOVE out of SPARE PARTS
THEY SURE WERE PAYING THE PRICE
You thought this Church would protect you
But sometimes even sheep look up
At least places like alt.slack realize the existance
A dirty pile of women's panties
I explained the SAME THING to each seperate person I met
As for us, we's on a mission from "Bob"
At least now the struggle is mine
The plug for your Slack drain
Take NOTES, he is doing what WE should be doing
Blowing myself for all eternity
The dumber people think you are
It is not hard to separate people from their money
No individual raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood
A good screen door can be a blessing
This sentence makes the observation
Everything else changes
Even a little bit of Slack
We're not just a collective gathering of idiots and misfits
I will NEVER be a slave
Who the fuck says you can't breakdance to Corpus Delicti?
You can inspire even a Pink to greatness
We'll see who has the bigger body count
Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs
That's a faulty syllogism
Dave, Tony, and Jeff screamed. Forever.
Give me the Gas
Industrial saws are very in vogue
Who said don't look back?


Onward to ARTICLES Part 13
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Onward ARTICLES Part 15
Onward ARTICLES Part 16
Onward ARTICLES Part 17
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