Subject: Re: Lurch wondered what we do...even if it was boring
Date: 13 Aug 1997 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.slack, alt.foot.fat-free
References: 1 , 2
Sven Svandor Svengali QPMN <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
: Those of us who lead totally illucid lives may step up to the plate and
: take over the whole universe. I went to Chicago today and got ripped off
: by street punks who all wanted to kiss me when I had money. I put
: wormwood in their buttocks. Then they mohawked my poor little pony
: moondancer. She will get well on Sunday. Also drunk stoned driving over
: the speed limit through red lights and stopp signs with my eyes half
: closed zoning out to a very horrifyingly ARCHCHARCH ngtvld album with a
: vanity plate of PIXY-LED sliding its way in between the fittings in my
: car. Has anyone seen my JPEG? I will drive my car right into your house.
What do I do every day? Lots of nauseatingly NORMAL stuff. I am a food
source, a hygiene technician, a preschool teacher ("Here! Let's see
what you can do with some BIG ROCKS!"), AND I talk A LOT. I don't know
what I talk about, really, it's the act itsownself that counts around
In order to maintain a proper imbalance, I also cook THINGS and
research the Lemmy Quotient. It's a very active force, and I've fallen
behind in reporting on it.
In local news recently a widespread search was organized for a missing
two-year-old. I whiffed a Lemmy right from the start. The search was
especially horrible because the little dude had wandered off just
before an extremely hot weekend. Hence there were so many volunteers
and so much bad ozone, that they had to call the search off at least
How did this Lemmy get loose? He'd been picked up by his mom and dad
at about 3:00am on Friday. They'd been having a much better time than
he had with the babysitter, and he was PISSED OFF. He refused to sleep
when they got home, so Dad plugged him into a DISNEY movie and then
passed out next to Mom upstairs. Lemmy was properly outraged at the
Seven Dwarf Treatment, so he unlocked the front door and TOOK OFF.
Naturally, after 24 hours, things looked grim. This Lemmy was
predicted to be cooked somewhere or drowned somewhere else. Of course,
I knew better, but I hadn't heard of any local hijacking incidents
that would offer any decent clues.
After 48 hours, this Lemmy reappeared at his home as suddenly as he
had vanished. He couldn't talk clearly (I say he WOULDN'T, being that
he was fully able to communicate clearly with the Lemmy Collective),
so no one was really sure for another day or so what exactly had
happened to our li'l hero.
Soon, all was revealed when their neighbors returned from the beach.
Lemmy had walked out of his house and entered RIGHT NEXT DOOR. The
home was unlocked for the cat-sitter, you see, so his lack of tools
didn't matter a bit. He had feasted on the extra cat food, drawn
hugely on all the walls with crayon and shaving cream (and possibly
OTHER MATTER - I'm betting he was NOT potty compliant). He'd
rearranged the furniture to suit him, enjoyed lots of questionable
television, and "used" all the toys he found. Apparently, he also hid
whenever the cat-sitter appeared, so she never noticed that the house
was being invaded.
The cat has not been heard from to date.
Temporary Identity Crisis Pacifier:
just call me NANA MEGSKOURI DRACHMA-DRACHMA
It won't help you remember my email address and it
will not fatten your feets, so what's the HARM?!?*