Subject: What happens when I press Lemmy to the keyboard...
Date: 08 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT
From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
...or what happens when Lemmy wants a MILKSHAKE...
This just in...beloved local clerkboy Beanu ("Twitchy") Reeves is
being evaluated at the Hospital Center this evening after a bizarre
incident at the Wawa. Reeves is under the surveillance of the State
Police, and is expected to be discharged into custody for additional
questioning upon his release from the hospital.
Police officials have confirmed the sketchy details of the events at
the Wawa, although they say that for the moment, Mr. Reeves is only
able to produce wailing noises. "Actually, he is blowing spit
bubbles," said our medical source.
"Twitchy seemed perfectly normal when I stopped in to buy the new
Pent... um... pack of GUM around ten o'clock," tearfully reported the
shopping center's security guard, as he was consoled by a group of
off-duty guards in turquoise bowling uniforms.
State Patrols were called in to investigate damage to the lottery
machine when Reeves was discovered, unconscious. The store was found
in a state of disarray, although the cash register appeared to be in
order and a precarious, nearby chip display was unrumpled. Police
believe that there was no struggle, although Reeves may have been
taken by surprise.
"He always used to bang his head on things when he was confused as a
child," said Mrs. Reeves, Beanu's mother. "We were always buying
drywall, you know? I think something truly weird went on in that
place, and he just conked himself on that Lotto machine. He's my baby,
but he..." unable to continue, Mrs. Reeves was lead away by a small
group of friends in lavendar bowling uniforms.
State officials reported that some PowerBall tickets were indeed
inexplicably missing from the bloodied machine. They were, however,
unable to explain this.
"The surveillance camera recorded nothing but Twitchy looking kinda
alarmed," stated the store's manager, Binky Boone.
A trail of bloody fluid was found leading to the dairy section, and a
blender was missing from it's usual station next to the slushie
machine. "We didn't need it much, anyway," said Mr. Boone, "but I'm
feeling curious about what anyone would want it for...and I have to
wonder about the wheel tracks, don't you?" Wheel marks on the floor
were determined to be too small and closely spaced for a wheelchair,
but could have been made by a wagon or a miniature car, bystanders
"We don't allow wagons in here," Mr. Boone stated emphatically. "Not
that I have any personal grudge or anything like that, I mean, I had a
wagon once myself. We just don't want anyone to be injured or run over
or anything." He shrugged. "I'm not saying that this is Twitchy's
fault, but he shouldn't have let a wagon in here. It was tragedy
waiting to happen, I guess."
* Asterisk of sounding serious, I may prefer to remain mysterious.
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