Subject: Manse Diaries: Minty Fresh Death
Date: 14 Feb 1998 00:00:00 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
A few years ago, Grandpa decided to start sending books for the little
ones. The favorites by far are by Yagyu: "The Gas We Pass" and "The
Holes in Your Nose." In their original Japanese, they may be perfect
beginning reading books, but I doubt it. In English, they manage to be
goofy and surreal and pretty gross. There's some cross-over of subject
When the holes in your nose get stuffed up, you can't smell
"Wed the holes in my dose are sdubbed ub, I candt
sbell id eved wed I fart."
(This page depicts a little girl and a cat running away from a
oozey-nosed little boy with "BRRROMMM!" coming out of his butt).
It explains the different functions of the nose, the all important
formation of boogers, nosebleeds and most importantly advises that
"The holes in your nose are not pockets." This is my favorite page,
you can tell that the girl would never dream of stuffing pebbles up
her nose, but the little piggie looks like he's considering it.
Spunky has finally learned some protectiveness of those holes in her
nose, I do believe. In the car today, as we circled and looked for a
place to park, Spunky began to shriek, "HEP! HEP! HEP MEEEE!"
I should back up to explain that I go to some trouble to find candies
that the kids hate, so that they won't steal them from me. One of
these is peppermint TicTacs. NOBODY but me likes to eat peppermints,
although Spunky has been known to steal them, suck the overcoating of
sugar off them and then spit them into the windshield when she hits
the "spicy" layer.
Today she'd had an even BETTER idea, as if lobbing miniature slime
missiles at the inside of the windshield wasn't COOL enough. Today she
had pushed a TicTac into one of those precious holes in her nose and
then tried to scratch it out with her fingernails. When I pulled over
and looked at her she was bloody and hysterical. "GED ID OOWWWWWWWT!"
she insisted, all the while sticking her bloody fingers in after it so
that I couldn't see how far in it was. "ID SCHTINGS!" she cried. I
explained that that was probably because she'd reached the peppermint
layer. She calmed down pretty quickly, but not before I imagined a
trip to the emergency room, because I couldn't persuade her to BLOW
her nose in her terror-stricken condition. "I DOAN WANNOO!" she
We got it out, but her nose is REALLY sore.
"I would say DUH! when you say that, except that you told me
that's rude. So can I just whisper "duh" instead? Really quietly?
Would that be okay?" -Sparky
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