Subject: Manse Diaries: Minty Fresh Death

Date: 14 Feb 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: nospamum@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free

A few years ago, Grandpa decided to start sending books for the little

ones. The favorites by far are by Yagyu: "The Gas We Pass" and "The

Holes in Your Nose." In their original Japanese, they may be perfect

beginning reading books, but I doubt it. In English, they manage to be

goofy and surreal and pretty gross. There's some cross-over of subject

matter, too:

When the holes in your nose get stuffed up, you can't smell

anything.

"Wed the holes in my dose are sdubbed ub, I candt

sbell id eved wed I fart."

(This page depicts a little girl and a cat running away from a

oozey-nosed little boy with "BRRROMMM!" coming out of his butt).

It explains the different functions of the nose, the all important

formation of boogers, nosebleeds and most importantly advises that

"The holes in your nose are not pockets." This is my favorite page,

you can tell that the girl would never dream of stuffing pebbles up

her nose, but the little piggie looks like he's considering it.

Spunky has finally learned some protectiveness of those holes in her

nose, I do believe. In the car today, as we circled and looked for a

place to park, Spunky began to shriek, "HEP! HEP! HEP MEEEE!"

I should back up to explain that I go to some trouble to find candies

that the kids hate, so that they won't steal them from me. One of

these is peppermint TicTacs. NOBODY but me likes to eat peppermints,

although Spunky has been known to steal them, suck the overcoating of

sugar off them and then spit them into the windshield when she hits

the "spicy" layer.

Today she'd had an even BETTER idea, as if lobbing miniature slime

missiles at the inside of the windshield wasn't COOL enough. Today she

had pushed a TicTac into one of those precious holes in her nose and

then tried to scratch it out with her fingernails. When I pulled over

and looked at her she was bloody and hysterical. "GED ID OOWWWWWWWT!"

she insisted, all the while sticking her bloody fingers in after it so

that I couldn't see how far in it was. "ID SCHTINGS!" she cried. I

explained that that was probably because she'd reached the peppermint

layer. She calmed down pretty quickly, but not before I imagined a

trip to the emergency room, because I couldn't persuade her to BLOW

her nose in her terror-stricken condition. "I DOAN WANNOO!" she

explained.

We got it out, but her nose is REALLY sore.

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"I would say DUH! when you say that, except that you told me

that's rude. So can I just whisper "duh" instead? Really quietly?

Would that be okay?" -Sparky

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