Subject: Ways to reduce stress and boost your OOPTIMISM
Date: 18 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT
From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
One of the many privileges of being a fully-fledged housefrau is the
opportunity to collect and shred "women's magazines." If you want to
economize, only buy the ones without cleavage on the cover. Cleavage
generally runs about two to three dollars extra, so the frugal
approach is to buy the cheap magazines and then smoosh your boobs
together in the mirror when you get home. Don't forget to scowl and/or
pout and pay yourself a coupla bucks.
ANYWAY, I would like to submit some additions to the latest $2 "FIRST"
tips on reducing stress in seven days...
1. Clear out the clutter by sorting and boxing the "junk" in your
clutter spots OR invite Myrk and Dyna for tea and give them lotsa
matches and smelly chemicals.
2. Make a family calendar and keep a stock of greeting cards handy OR
make a FAMILY calendar and send treacly, unsigned cards to
incarcerated mobsters on SPECIAL days, Valentine's and Mother's Day in
3. Banish morning madness by packing lunches at night OR just lean
against the wall muttering, "How the fuck should *I* know," while
everyone ELSE runs amok in the a.m.
4. Update the bathroom by discarding out-of-date prescriptions and
cosmetics OR fantasize about how thoroughly you'll disgust the autopsy
technicians when they examine your stomach contents if you die today.
5. Simplify sewing by stocking up and squirreling your sewing kit in a
convenient place OR distribute free needles in the park for the
6. Sort your photos and throw out the headless red-eyed pictures OR
7. Make time for friends by planning when to chat and setting lunch
dates OR allow your friends to freeload conveniently in your toolshed
until they run out of air.
* Asterisk of sounding serious, I may prefer to remain mysterious.
Fat-free Feet: Not just a tasty breakfast treat.
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If most of this is clear to you, know then what you must not do.