Subject: Ways to reduce stress and boost your OOPTIMISM

Date: 18 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack

One of the many privileges of being a fully-fledged housefrau is the

opportunity to collect and shred "women's magazines." If you want to

economize, only buy the ones without cleavage on the cover. Cleavage

generally runs about two to three dollars extra, so the frugal

approach is to buy the cheap magazines and then smoosh your boobs

together in the mirror when you get home. Don't forget to scowl and/or

pout and pay yourself a coupla bucks.

ANYWAY, I would like to submit some additions to the latest $2 "FIRST"

tips on reducing stress in seven days...

1. Clear out the clutter by sorting and boxing the "junk" in your

clutter spots OR invite Myrk and Dyna for tea and give them lotsa

matches and smelly chemicals.

2. Make a family calendar and keep a stock of greeting cards handy OR

make a FAMILY calendar and send treacly, unsigned cards to

incarcerated mobsters on SPECIAL days, Valentine's and Mother's Day in

particular.

3. Banish morning madness by packing lunches at night OR just lean

against the wall muttering, "How the fuck should *I* know," while

everyone ELSE runs amok in the a.m.

4. Update the bathroom by discarding out-of-date prescriptions and

cosmetics OR fantasize about how thoroughly you'll disgust the autopsy

technicians when they examine your stomach contents if you die today.

5. Simplify sewing by stocking up and squirreling your sewing kit in a

convenient place OR distribute free needles in the park for the

squirrels.

6. Sort your photos and throw out the headless red-eyed pictures OR

NOT.

7. Make time for friends by planning when to chat and setting lunch

dates OR allow your friends to freeload conveniently in your toolshed

until they run out of air.

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