Subject: Stable Manners
Date: 20 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (Mumthra)
Organization: RadixNet Internet Services
An unexpected benefit of breeding is the responses you get when you
lovingly deal the plates onto the dinner table. I have made an effort
to impress upon the little loves that "YUCK!" is not the word I want
to hear. I have told them countless times that no matter how
disgusting the glop on the plate looks, their tasks are:
To say, "Thank you for cooking";
To taste it (discrete and silent nose-holding is permissable);
To avoid the things that they don't want to eat without comment or
scraping or flinging motions.
Usually, they remember at least two of these things at any given meal,
but occasionally they energetically trespass over all three.
During a flare-up of my long term insanity, I served them tacos. It
was a mean thing to do, really, but most kids like tacos, I think.
Certainly mexican children ingest an awful lot of corn tortillas in
various forms, so why shouldn't mine?
I put lots of filling options on the table and gave them plates with
the tortillas. "GROSS!" was the cry. (Only the baby was enthusiastic,
but she's still in the phase where anything that fits in her mouth
must be food). The girls both pushed their plates away and had
accusations and suggestions of other things they would rather be
eating. Trying to persuade them that it would be like eating
cheeseburgers and chips, I dished up the meat and cheese amid their
theatrical gagging noises.
After they pushed the plates away again, the Rev offered them buttered
bread. They insisted that they wanted ANOTHER dinner, but he
cheerfully pointed out that they had rejected a perfectly good dinner
and there wasn't a back-up dinner at the ready.
In response to the whining he said, "You know, you are really rude."
Spunky belched explosively. "Who's rude?"
He considered her for a minute and then he sat at the table and began
the most disgusting performance of openned-mouth chewing that I have
ever witnessed. I followed his lead and dropped my face into my plate
and slurped at the dropped bits of tomato. The degeneration continued
from there. We all abandoned conversation for the sake of putting our
feet on the table, snorting, scratching our butts and gargling with
Bo grinned under the cheese in her bangs. She finally recognized us as