Subject: Vacation Conflagration
Date: 03 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (Mumthra)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
Jack thinks he's going on vacation this week, but since he's not
going anywhere I just hope that taking off his shoes and wiggling his
toes in the sandbox does it for him. Mightily have I strived to
conquer my compulsion to give him Things To Do. I may have casually
pointed out that an industrious neighbor was mowing her lawn just
after dawn this morning, but it was probably just one of those
This may not be the bestest week to be home, but I'm not saying that
either. It IS prime time for PMS and other scary syndromes. Baby Bo is
having some sort of misery that causes her to crawl in circles and
scream. I thought it was just hunger that drove her to it this
morning, but when I tried to offer her a slice of pear during the
kitchen leg of the circuit, she screamed even louder as if the damned
pear was the cause of all the bad things that ever were. At the
grocery store she had another spell and I started to wonder if the
sight of frozen ducks was the real terror. It's pretty difficult to
diagnose someone who will be crowing at a loaf of French bread one
minute and then beating herself over the head with it the next. So far
she's not the weirdest of the trio, but she's undoubtedly the loudest
and the most inclined to breaded frenzy.
I spent a little time puzzling over a bottle of tea I bought today.
Buying bottled tea has always struck me as just plain wrong, but I had
limited choices. We were visiting an upscale, healthy hippie grocery
and if they sold soft drinks at all they hid them in brown paper
wrappers behind the manager's desk. This is a place that wants you to
feel freshness in your every step; they want you to feel good and
wholesome and have only naturally-occuring colors greet your blissful
lenses. All the other shoppers were rolling aimlessly and nearly
colliding with me in slow motion so relentlessly that I began to
wonder if all my navigational skill comes from additives and
The drink I bought is called Honest Tea, and it promised to be spiced
Indian black tea (Kashmiri Chai) that was "freshly brewed and barley
sweetened." This got my attention and I thought that discovering the
mysteries of barley sweetening would be worth taking a chance on some
touchy-feely bottled tea. It's not bad! It's pretty good, actually,
and the kids even tried it in spite of the floaty things that are
supposed to be spices.
While Jack drove, I read the label out loud:
We were thirsty. We searched for bottled tea that truly tasted
like tea but couldn't find any. So we decided to make our own.
Honest Teas are select black, green and herbal teas microbrewed
in spring water, finely filtered and just barely sweetened. Each
has a subtle, aromatic flavor and a sixth of the calories of the
super-sweet, tea-flavored drinks.
Seth + Barry
p.s. Great cold, hot, or with milk. And Barry likes it with
Our recipe is made with spring water, premium tea leaves from
India, crushed cardamom, cinnamon, orange peel, cloves, pepper,
ginger, malic acid and a touch of sugar cane juice.
Not a word about barley! What were these honest dweebs trying to pull?
I rotated the bottle. It said right on the front...barely sweetened.
Even so, I find the listing of sugar cane juice kind of disturbing.
Does that mean it's basically white sugar with water still in it and a
greater probability of bugs? Maybe they should call it We Think
There's No Bugs In This Tea. That would make the floaty things much
more exciting, I think.
ANYWAY, it's going to be an interesting week, especially for Jack. Not
only is there a bundle of screaming Bo to contend with, but it's
likely that I'll be moodswinging and nearly smokeless. I'm smoking so
little that I kind of forget to smoke for long stretches and finally
give in only when I recognize that I'm reading things backwards or
wandering into the street for no reason.
He'll probably have plenty of Things To Do.
Emancipate a comma! Evict mental ergonomics!