Subject: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 12 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.slack

 

 

Yes. It's tragic. I am at a LOSS FOR WORDS. Now that I am chemically

disimproved, I cannot meaningfully string a word series for

effectiveness of the maximal sort. Approximately half the time I open

my mouth half-wide all that issues forth is "AAAAAAFFFFFFFFFF" or some

other sort of "OOK-OOK" noise.

 

Here's the deal: I want to be armed and ready for the likelihood that

some very pink and very UNWELCOME visitors will be doing what visitors

do. I have an EXTREMITY OF PREJUDICE IN ABUNDANCE FOR THESE HUMAN

WASTE PRODUCTIONS. I mean: I'm mad a lot at THEM.

 

I cannot kill them much until they sign some papers, alas and truly. I

would RILLY LOVE to be ready to say a thing that will implode their

brains gradually upon contemplation, while making it clear that not

only are they not permitted to enter my house, but they don't want to

enter my house as much as they have EVER wanted to not do anything.

 

If I just said, "Fuck off" it would never do. It must be sufficiently

unrepeatable that it would embarrass them to realize that they lacked

the ability to explain it to a gossipily receptive ear.

 

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS. That's the disgusting part. So: what

incantation would I use if I were me?

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

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Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 12 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: "Myrkury" <myrk@voicenet.com>

Organization: Steel Toad Clench

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1

 

MegaLiz <1Ol01O@radix.net> wrote:

 

> Here's the deal: I want to be armed and ready for the likelihood that

> some very pink and very UNWELCOME visitors will be doing what visitors

> do. I have an EXTREMITY OF PREJUDICE IN ABUNDANCE FOR THESE HUMAN

> WASTE PRODUCTIONS. I mean: I'm mad a lot at THEM.

>

> I cannot kill them much until they sign some papers, alas and truly. I

> would RILLY LOVE to be ready to say a thing that will implode their

> brains gradually upon contemplation, while making it clear that not

> only are they not permitted to enter my house, but they don't want to

> enter my house as much as they have EVER wanted to not do anything.

 

This is easy, ask them if they'd like a snack and when they reply in the

positive go to the kitchen and get a bag of Fritos and two bowls. Go back

to your guests, put the two bowls on a table (it must be a sturdy table),

empty the bag of Fritos into one bowl and place the other bowl in the

center of the table. Climb up on top of the table drop your drawers and

shit in the bowl. Clamber down from the table and announce "SHIT DIP FOR

DIP SHITS!"

 

Myrkury

 

BTW: I'm really curious, what are these papers that need signing? Selling

your soul or somethin? "BOB" won't be pleased.

 

Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 13 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2

 

 

"Myrkury" <myrk@voicenet.com> wrote:

 

: This is easy, ask them if they'd like a snack and when they reply in the

: positive go to the kitchen and get a bag of Fritos and two bowls. Go back

: to your guests, put the two bowls on a table (it must be a sturdy table),

: empty the bag of Fritos into one bowl and place the other bowl in the

: center of the table. Climb up on top of the table drop your drawers and

: shit in the bowl. Clamber down from the table and announce "SHIT DIP FOR

: DIP SHITS!"

 

I LIKE IT. The only trouble with this plan is that I'd have to let

them IN to execute it. My best effort of the moment is to simply say,

"Whaddaya think this is, COWARD JOHNSON'S?!?" and slam the door

decisively. Somehow, I just lacks the fullness of true inspiration...

: BTW: I'm really curious, what are these papers that need signing? Selling

: your soul or somethin? "BOB" won't be pleased.

 

Umm...well...these would be papers that say they'll shut the fuck up

(for a price), so it's not necessarily a BAD thing.

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

* Asterisk of sounding serious, I may prefer to remain mysterious.

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Want to read about the S.P.E.R.M.? Leave a message with my firm.

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Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 12 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: clavis@ix.netcom.com(the Grand Clavister)

Organization: Netcom

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1

 

 

In <33262348.1329472495@news1.radix.net> 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)

writes:

>

>I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS. That's the disgusting part. So: what

>incantation would I use if I were me?

 

"Do you orgasm with your eyes open or closed?"

 

"Did anyone ever tell you you look like Bill Cosby's son?"

 

"Pizza pizza."

 

"The sun'll come out... tomorrow..." (sung dimly while focusing past

them as though they were not there)

 

"I just cleaned, so if you want to come in you're going to have to take

off your pants!"

 

Just open your mouth as wide as it can go and keep it pointed at them

no matter what they do, as though you were at the dentist.

 

 

It just goes on and on and on...

 

 

the Grand Clavister

[Cockle doodle doo.]

--

argle argle argle help me

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BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK, NY 10163. YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

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Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 13 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1

 

1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz) wrote:

 

<snip>

>I cannot kill them much until they sign some papers, alas and truly. I

>would RILLY LOVE to be ready to say a thing that will implode their

>brains gradually upon contemplation, while making it clear that not

>only are they not permitted to enter my house, but they don't want to

>enter my house as much as they have EVER wanted to not do anything.

 

"It's times like these that make me believe we ARE descended from

monkeys."

 

"'Round here, we EAT the stupid and venal....Jack, get the hatchet."

 

just start singing the Pink Panther tune "dead aunt, dead aunt, dead

aunteadauntdeadauntdeadaunt, dead aaaaauuuuuunt!"

 

 

if words fail, you can always pee on their leg.

 

 

Tarla

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.

 

Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 13 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2

 

bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) wrote:

 

: just start singing the Pink Panther tune "dead aunt, dead aunt, dead

: aunteadauntdeadauntdeadaunt, dead aaaaauuuuuunt!"

 

THANKS! I must still be pretty pissed off, considering that this one

and "you look just like Bill Cosby's son" (That's just CLAVILUS!) both

made me pee backwards.

 

SNIFF! You're beautiful!

 

Now I'll have a menu of BOMMOS! I told Jack this morning that I

perhaps I will say NOTHING AT ALL, and then if they try to get in I'll

just turn and softly say, "Now Spunky, yer daddy said not to play with

that shotgun."

 

PPM (Housewifery has been dangerous since NOW)

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

* Asterisk of sounding serious, I may prefer to remain mysterious.

Fat-free Feet: Not just a tasty breakfast treat.

Want to read about the S.P.E.R.M.? Leave a message with my firm.

If most of this is clear to you, know then what you must not do.

 

Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 13 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3

 

 

1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz) wrote:

 

>bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) wrote:

 

>: just start singing the Pink Panther tune "dead aunt, dead aunt, dead

>: aunteadauntdeadauntdeadaunt, dead aaaaauuuuuunt!"

 

>THANKS! I must still be pretty pissed off, considering that this one

>and "you look just like Bill Cosby's son" (That's just CLAVILUS!) both

>made me pee backwards.

 

>SNIFF! You're beautiful!

 

>Now I'll have a menu of BOMMOS! I told Jack this morning that I

>perhaps I will say NOTHING AT ALL, and then if they try to get in I'll

>just turn and softly say, "Now Spunky, yer daddy said not to play with

>that shotgun."

 

Jesus this is scary, Jack and I are still thinking with the same mind,

and I gotta tell you...I don't like it. I eliminated one of my

suggestions because it involved the girls and target practice and sure

enough, Jack slips it back in somehow. Make him stop, Meg, please?

 

 

Tarla

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.

 

Subject: Re: HEP! AH NEED A BOMMO!

Date: 15 Mar 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5

 

 

 

 

revjack@radix.net (RevJack) wrote:

 

>Previously, TarlaStar at Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

>wrote:

 

>: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz) wrote:

>:

>: >bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) wrote:

>:

>: >: just start singing the Pink Panther tune "dead aunt, dead aunt, dead

>: >: aunteadauntdeadauntdeadaunt, dead aaaaauuuuuunt!"

>:

>: >THANKS! I must still be pretty pissed off, considering that this one

>: >and "you look just like Bill Cosby's son" (That's just CLAVILUS!) both

>: >made me pee backwards.

>:

>: >SNIFF! You're beautiful!

>:

>: >Now I'll have a menu of BOMMOS! I told Jack this morning that I

>: >perhaps I will say NOTHING AT ALL, and then if they try to get in I'll

>: >just turn and softly say, "Now Spunky, yer daddy said not to play with

>: >that shotgun."

>:

>: Jesus this is scary, Jack and I are still thinking with the same mind,

>: and I gotta tell you...I don't like it. I eliminated one of my

>: suggestions because it involved the girls and target practice and sure

>: enough, Jack slips it back in somehow. Make him stop, Meg, please?

 

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels push-up bra bagels bagels

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels

>bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels bagels

 

Jack, this isn't funny....I woke up screaming this morning from a

dream wherein I was an elderly jewish baker in my Victoria's Secret

Wonderbra. The worst part was...I was out of eggs.

 

 

oy vey,

Tarla

*** Reverend Mutha Tarla Star***

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the

beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire

shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, it is by caffeine

alone I set my mind in motion.--HToMC

//www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html