From Mon Aug 24 18:27:17 1998

Newsgroups: alt.anger,alt.slack

Subject: Butthead Parents

From: (MegaLiz)

Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 01:27:17 GMT (axel heyst) wrote:




Shucks. Not to, like, agree too heartily, but a good mom is hard to

find. I'm sure my brood will find plenty to complain about, especially

since I'm dipso facto spread too thin. There will be the times I

failed to notice that I was doing something exactly wrong, I've

probably failed to notice plenty of instances of that already. This in

itself makes me inch toward generosity with other Butthead Parents. I

am NOT a good mother. I aspire to be among the thin ranks of the

good-enough mothers.


There is a little something that Butthead Parents routinely forget to

keep firmly in mind, and while I hesitate to post what sucks or

doesn't suck about MY parents, I can say that whatever ELSE they did

wrong they kept their mouths SHUT at nearly all the right moments. So



See, Butthead Parents pass judgement on any little thing that they

observe in their, uh, coital fruits. The only problem with THAT is

that they also forget that their pronouncements, which any real adult

would brush off like so much cigar ash, burn into their kids like no

one else's ever can. Kiddie memories are SELECTIVE too, much more so

than ours are, since the neurology is still settling into place.


How would you like to live with the knowledge that saying, "You are

making my life hell!" (spoken to someone else!) may be the ONE

vocalization of the YEAR that your child retains? Maybe they'll only

remember the aberrant behaviors until some wise therapist tells them

that their early memories are somehow representative of their




What are YOUR earliest memories? I remember crying for my father until

someone left me in the dark to scream and scream, BUT! BUT! I also

remember my first birthday party. Which one of THESE represents my

entire childhood?



I wouldn't ever want to trivialize someone else's childhood horror, I

had some of that later for which there are WITNESSES. Most people take

on children without any evil intent, but whatever evil crawls under

their skin is relentlessly exposed by both the close study of their

little pupils and the brutal crucible that we like to call parenthood.


Anyone who ever honestly tells you that having children is some sort

of cuddly, yum-yum experience is either just getting started or

INSANE. They ALSO deeply believe that the Tooth Fairy is going to

visit them in the nursing home to fork over cash for their missing

adult teeth. Betcha. These people are so estranged from reality that

they will look with PITY on people who haven't bred.


Not that there isn't something to pity, of course. They haven't had

the marvelous experience of doing their best for someone who won't

understand or appreciate it for decades, if ever. They may not have

had the daily affirmation that they will NEVER be truly adequate to

the biggest responsibility of their lives. They can't be part of the

secret Parents' Club, where all members agree not to take any

commentary from the childless seriously. They can't know what it is to

watch someone who is almost thoroughly incompetent walk out into the

world with their heart in a child-sized pocket.


At times like that, we should pity the child AND the world, but we

pity ourselves because we're BUTTHEAD PARENTS.




Emancipate a comma! Evict mental ergonomics!