Subject: Eggzellent Driver
Date: 21 Dec 1997 00:00:00 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
Mrs. Benedict was thrilled to find that eggs were on sale. She needed
them for her journey, and she felt uncomfortable poaching them from
the neighbors THIS time. She could put minor theft over easy, but it
was hardly necessary when the eggs could be bought for 66 cents a
dozen. She eggspected to travel FAR on a dozen.
She folded her arthritic self into her car and patted her beloved
quicheond before setting up for the drive. The dog scrambled happily
back into the rear seat, ignoring her pedal preparations.
The Cadillac leapt into traffic, meringulously avoiding collision; she
was nearly blinded from eggnog abuse. A harried traffic cop leapt out
of her path while she whistled to herself and ignored his huevos of
indignation. She tisked when she heard the cracking noise, although
she wasn't too concerned. Looking on the sunny side, she still had
The dog panted with delight and forced his nose past the souffle of
her hairdo to take in the smells. She reached for a new egg.
The police were waiting for her and in spite of the warnings were
still appalled at the sight of the driverless pink car swerving slowly
downhill toward them. It wasn't eggzactly driverless, but they refused
to accept that the DOG was driving it. They'd been told to watch for
an erratic Caddy with tags "HPY2BME." This would have to be the one.
She straightened up to resume steering and delicately pressed on the
eggcelerator. The egg rolled unexpectedly. NUTS! She'd done it again.
Confidently, she flipped the carton open and made her next selection,
then stretched out of sight again to make the replacement.
When they finally pulled her over, the police were annoyed in the
eggstream and their manner was hardboiled. She patiently eggsplained
her misunderstood technique: the driving teacher had told her to put
an egg under her pedals mentally. She'd tried and tried and couldn't
WILL the eggs to appear there, so she'd done the next best thing.
"Sorry, ma'am, but don't think omeletting you off easy. We'll have to
take you into custardy, and your little dog too. And yes you DO have
egg on your face."
Spunky: "Lookit all the foot prints! Lotsa people were here!"
Sparky: "OR it was ONE THING with a jillion feet."
* alt.foot.fat-free: where you can collect yummy cheese!