Subject: It may not last, but IT'S MINE NOW

Date: 09 Jun 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: megeliz@radix.net (MegEliz)

Organization: Gene Wolfe Library and Family Restaurant, East Wing

Newsgroups: alt.slack, alt.foot.fat-free

 

 

 

 

That's right. Following the excellent recent example of Ms. Nuku Nuku,

I'm declaring alt.foot.fat-free...

 

MINE ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Any and all foot, foot gland, and fat related posts are welcome.

 

Do you suppose I'll have time to work up a FAQ before it disappears?

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My sig is not under construction. It's dead. megeliz@radix.net

But MY NEWSGROUP alt.foot.fat-free LIVES!

Hear the pitter-patter! Thrill to the podiatry! While it lasts!

 

 

 

Subject: Alt.Foot.Fat-Free FAQ (was Re: Fat-Free gift baskets)

Date: 11 Jul 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: megeliz@radix.net (MegEliz)

Organization: Gene Wolfe Library and Family Restaurant, East Wing

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free

References: 1 , 2 , 3

 

 

 

 

Kenneth Norton <kennethn@cnet.com> wrote:

 

: Michelle Klein-Hass wrote:

: >

: > I suppose this guy doesn't have a clue as to what alt.foot.fat-free really is...

: >

: > The Highly Irreverend APC Catgirl Nuku Nuku

:

: And what exactly is it?

 

: Kenneth Norton <kennethn@cnet.com>

 

Ken! So glad you ASKED!

 

Frequently Asked Questions about alt.foot.fat-free

Updated: June 30, 1996

=================================================================

Have you been subjected to Frequently Asked Questions and/or

Fundamentally Assinine Queries? If so mail me your questions and

replies and we'll try to squeeze them in the next fat-free update.

=================================================================

 

What are the best shoes for the extra-wide and/or extra-long footed

female?----------------------------------------------------------

After painful investigation, we have one suggestion for the most

comfortable, economical and slimming shoe currently available, though

we here at the manse acknowledge that some of you girls and boys will

insist on forcing your pods into a pump no matter what we say.

STEPSISTERS!

 

The shoe in question is made by AEROSOLES and the style is called

"Thanks Given". They are available in bone, black, navy and tan, and

can be had for a mere $32US. I am telling you, those Sri Lankans know

more about shoes than my momma knows about hose clamps. These things

have ELASTIC. You will bounce sideways and snug your feet into them

for no reason other than that they feel good.

 

 

What can I do to protect my feet from lightning strikes?----------

Simply don't, no matter what the temptation and lack of cotton balls

may lead you to, DON'T put foil between your toes while you paint your

nails. It'll itch at the very least.

 

 

======= the former FAQ follows in these footsteps forever amen ====

 

 

MegEliz, I have read several of your posts and couldn't help but

notice that you seem angry.---------------------------------------

To the naked pink eye I seem vicious in print. Frequent mentions of

limb removal should be taken in the loving spirit in which they were

intended. If I were angry, you'd be SURE to recognize it.

 

MegEliz, Are you on any prescription medications?------------------

None of your fucking business, pink boy. Wanna know my BRA SIZE,

dontcha?

 

Who made this newsgroup?------------------------------------------

The latest theory here at the Manse of the Pupal Uberfemme is that

alt.foot.fat-free was created by someone who couldn't type. A sample

message from our beloved founder would look something like this:

 

Hey Dutes! I just mate a newsgroup! Come on over ant give id a dry!

 

 

What is this newsgroup about?-------------------------------------

This newsgroup is devoted to the discussion of feet, foot glands and

related SubGenius lore, and occasionally discussion of measurement by

devotees of American units. Oh. And anything to do with fat is fine.

 

What exactly is bumblefoot?---------------------------------------

We hear at the Manse have no idea, but this is what we've heard about

it:

Wire bottoms on cages have been known to cause bumblefoot in some

rats, though the swollen foot may be from injury from getting a foot

caught, though more often bumblefoot is caused by infection. It is

however, easier for a rat to injure there feet by catching them in the

wire floors and breaking or spraining feet or legs even.

 

Am I goofy footed?------------------------------------------------

There's no good answer to this, but here's the test:

The "linoleum" test: in stocking feet, run towards your kitchen and

skid across the linoleum floor. Observe which foot goes forward. This

test can also be administered hillside by directing the student to the

nearest icy sidewalk.

 

Unlike other tests (shoving, jumping, kicking, baseball batting,

cartwheels, etc.) this one *directly* tests you for your preferred

stance in a balance sport (balance sport: something where you stand

sideways on a deck, e.g. snowboarding, skateboarding, surfing, etc.).

 

Gymnastics would not be considered a "balance sport"?-------------

This is one of those smart-ass FAQs. We don't answer those the same

way every time.

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My sig is not under construction. It's dead. megeliz@radix.net

But MY NEWSGROUP alt.foot.fat-free LIVES!

Hear the pitter-patter! Thrill to the podiatry! While it lasts!