Subject: A Gondola in the Slack Canal

Date: 16 Nov 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: nospamum@radix.net (Mumthra)

Organization: RadixNet Internet Services

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack

 

 

 

 

I have a tub full of water, a huge pot of water on the stove, a

loaded coffee maker, plus three extra gallons just in case. It's time

for Little Mum on the Prarie, once again.

 

The next time the Rev says, "I think we have a leak!" I'm going to

flush and fill first and THEN go in to check it out. As it was, Sunday

night was the perfect time for the hot water to fail. The little

simians had been bathed, the laundry was mostly done, and the dishes

were drying.

 

The ONLY thing that was really clamoring for clean was my body, but

that has proven to be a lucky thing. The final time the landlord tried

to persuade me that I might need to wait another day for hot water, I

just leaned in closer so that he could get a whiff of my clinging body

vapors. "AAAAAAAAGGGGG. Guess not," he said.

 

It's lovely to be free from verbal abuse. Free to stink my point

across.

 

At the moment, I have an earnest young man muttering at the water tank

under the stairs. He's pretty sure that following the landlord's

instructions and putting another plastic spigot on the heater is a

mistake. I know that, but I can't tell Mr. Landlord anything. After

all, he once taught plumbing to men in prison. He knows things about

stuff.

 

The really FUNNY part is that Mr. Landlord helped install the water

heater we have now and he helped install it backwards. That's why I

have a full tub and so forth. We had to shut off all the water,

because the shut-off for the water heater is on the outflow pipe and

the insulation is on the ingoing cold pipe. It's cute, it's wrong and

it's helping me smell bad into day two of the Great Leak Mystery.

 

Really, though, there is no mystery to it: we know what's broken. The

only question now is how many "let's just see" trips and how many

half-assed handiman measures they will try before we get a new water

heater. The real plumber already offered to do it in a jiffy, but I'll

have to watch the landlord and his landlackies piddle away fifty

dollars on just-might-do-its first.

 

I've been enjoying the drought, but that's just because I love a

crisis. Everyone has responded so helpfully. Nobody would be this much

help if we had an outbreak of Bad Opera Disease, but even the most

hard-hearted people know how to react compassionately to the pain of a

sudden drought. Spunky and her invisible penis have been away with

Lulu all day, and Gramma showed up promptly with a lifetime supply of

paper cups, plates, and things that appear to be paper bowls. Daddy

Two has offered to drop by and beat up the landlord if all else fails.

 

Today I feel more loved than stinky. Tomorrow I'll be more stinky than

loved. I'm pretty sure.

 

--

This was probably from Mumthra.