Subject: Nipped Off!

Date: 01 Sep 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack





[This is another of those banal posts. Nothing more than a whiff of

insanity in a place I should know better than to visit.]


I did go back. I'm not sure why I thought that this time would be

different. Maybe I didn't think it through, didn't realize that it'll

never be any different. Ever.


Today I went to KMart again. I skidded the van to a halt in front and

swaggered toward it, my list of school supplies snug in my hip pocket.

I didn't flinch at the crowd of purposeful porkers, grimly pushing and

tugging and grinding their way thorough the narrow shutes between the

shit. I was going to get Sparky's stuff and make a clean getaway. That

was the plan.


I wrestled and finally obtained the optimum position in the proper

aisle, congratulating myself on NOT having any babies to juggle while

I scanned and planned my strategy. The goods were pretty well picked

over and naturally the last item was elusive: I needed a pair of

stubby scissors. As soon as I spied it, I pounced nimbly on the last

pair of scissors without injuring anyone who didn't deserve it. Then I

zipped into the short line before the other mothers could catch me. It

was beautiful. A 10 for execution and 11 for artistic interpretation.


Everything was still proceeding nicely when I began to scan the

impulse rack. The last time I was disturbed by the "emergency ponchos"

displayed there but still felt compelled to look at the rack again

this time.


What I saw there caused a bit of a ruckus.


There were several packages of catnip hanging next to my right

shoulder. Under a TRULY GOOFY carton label was the thing itself: a toy

sack with a bell and a mysterious red pom-pom. Stamped on the sack:


Sack of




(Actually I can't FIND the stupid thing, because, yeah I bought it,

and Sally Cat has predictably spirited it off to her secret kitty

orgasm parlor. Anyway, that's a pretty close quote).


I laughed out loud. People stared. I laughed MORE and people began to

move out of my armreach radius. I laughed until I CRIED and people

checked their facial hair for gooey bits and so on. I tried to stifle

it at first, but then I just let her rip. Hysteria is just too

precious to staunch.


All that for $1.29 and a side trip to a place where women can wear

white nylons and think it covers those nasty veins, if only for a

brief shining moment. Anything is possible at KMart.


[the label is currently on alt.binaries.slack]


My sig is not under construction. It's deader than dead.

But MY NEWSGROUP alt.foot.fat-free LIVES!

Hear the pitter-patter! Thrill to the podiatry! While it lasts!