Subject: Nipped Off!
Date: 01 Sep 1996 00:00:00 GMT
From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
[This is another of those banal posts. Nothing more than a whiff of
insanity in a place I should know better than to visit.]
I did go back. I'm not sure why I thought that this time would be
different. Maybe I didn't think it through, didn't realize that it'll
never be any different. Ever.
Today I went to KMart again. I skidded the van to a halt in front and
swaggered toward it, my list of school supplies snug in my hip pocket.
I didn't flinch at the crowd of purposeful porkers, grimly pushing and
tugging and grinding their way thorough the narrow shutes between the
shit. I was going to get Sparky's stuff and make a clean getaway. That
was the plan.
I wrestled and finally obtained the optimum position in the proper
aisle, congratulating myself on NOT having any babies to juggle while
I scanned and planned my strategy. The goods were pretty well picked
over and naturally the last item was elusive: I needed a pair of
stubby scissors. As soon as I spied it, I pounced nimbly on the last
pair of scissors without injuring anyone who didn't deserve it. Then I
zipped into the short line before the other mothers could catch me. It
was beautiful. A 10 for execution and 11 for artistic interpretation.
Everything was still proceeding nicely when I began to scan the
impulse rack. The last time I was disturbed by the "emergency ponchos"
displayed there but still felt compelled to look at the rack again
What I saw there caused a bit of a ruckus.
There were several packages of catnip hanging next to my right
shoulder. Under a TRULY GOOFY carton label was the thing itself: a toy
sack with a bell and a mysterious red pom-pom. Stamped on the sack:
(Actually I can't FIND the stupid thing, because, yeah I bought it,
and Sally Cat has predictably spirited it off to her secret kitty
orgasm parlor. Anyway, that's a pretty close quote).
I laughed out loud. People stared. I laughed MORE and people began to
move out of my armreach radius. I laughed until I CRIED and people
checked their facial hair for gooey bits and so on. I tried to stifle
it at first, but then I just let her rip. Hysteria is just too
precious to staunch.
All that for $1.29 and a side trip to a place where women can wear
white nylons and think it covers those nasty veins, if only for a
brief shining moment. Anything is possible at KMart.
[the label is currently on alt.binaries.slack]
My sig is not under construction. It's deader than dead.
But MY NEWSGROUP alt.foot.fat-free LIVES!
Hear the pitter-patter! Thrill to the podiatry! While it lasts!