Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.friday,alt.foot.fat-free

Subject: NENSLO Sighting

From: nospamum@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 00:37:07 GMT

 

Sketchy Albedo <revjack@radix.net> wrote:

: ObNENSLO: Meg saw NENSLO in Starbuck's today. Ask her about THAT.

 

So glad you did!

 

Now, the LAST time I was in Starbucks, I got such a huge case of the

creeps that I didn't NEED to go back until today. Last time, it was

crowded with underemployed mommies who were juicing up before their

manicures, probably just to use the jitters to aggravate those poor,

conscientious beauticians.

 

The woman behind me in line, who was my unbidden entertainment for a

LONG coupla whiles, kept shouting at newcomers to the store.

Apparently she recognized all of them, because this is another segment

in their mysterious pink rhythm--a congregation way station in the

race to see who can waste money faster and uglier. ANYWAY, no matter

WHAT her latest victim tried to say to her, she managed to insert her

message. "Yes, I missed the church flea market. I've been so busy

getting ready for my trip to Vail...Hi Marge! I was going to call you!

I found the PERFECT mittens for you while I was shopping for my trip

to Vail...I was so sorry to hear about your Mom, Sue. Would you like

me to sprinkle her ashes at Vail?"

 

Today I was in luck. I OWNED the place. When I walked in, it was just

me and the adorable "Barristers" or whateverthefuck they call them

there. I ordered two GRANDAY LAHTAYS, and was chirped at by the

Espressomachine Barrister that she would be a few extra minutes

heating fresh milk just for me.

 

I had plenty of time to browse the wares and gasp in artificial

delight at the discounted two-dollar mugs that are now marked down to

$13.99. A boyish man approached the Espresso Barrister. I must have

missed his entrance while I tisked at the Oprah Book Club shelf.

Apparently he had ordered hot chocolate, but the counter cutie was

having a terrible time getting the whipped cream to shoot out of the

jug. He suggested that she just needed to "encourage it" and reached

over to pet her jug and mutter some soothing words.

 

It worked. She creamed his chocolate and then handed me the first

LAHTAY. I moved away, feeling trapped and sleepy.

 

Looking around yet again, I tried to imagine a time when the studied

casualness of the neighborhood Starbucks will be every bit as QUAINT

as flower power decor or art deco ballrooms. I think the time is NOW,

actually. I've seen enough squiggly, touch-me wrought iron to last a

VERY LONG time.

 

I thought of NENSLO and his tea shop horror and THERE HE WAS.

 

 

It was SO FUCKING CREEPY. There was this VOICE, and I turned around to

see a Nenslotic Double bellying up to what I think of as the pick-up

toadstool.

 

Just a bit querulously, he started in on the Moneytaking Barrister, "I

want a cup of regular coffee. Do you have regular coffee?" She nodded.

"I do not want some THING that you call coffee that will cost me six

bucks. I do not want something with a weird name that just has coffee

in it. Okay?" She backed up. "Do you have regular coffee? Seven Eleven

type coffee?" She nodded again. "Okay," he said slapping a couple of

dollars on the toadstool, "that's what I want."

 

I wondered how they were going to tell him without blowing the sale:

he was at the WRONG toadstool. He was trying to give his money to the

wrong Barrister. He was getting entirely too close to the guy who was

so hot for hot chocolate.

 

My second LAHTAY appeared and I hurried away before I had to witness

any more petting of the obstinate.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

"I found this entire scene extremely gratifying, at once a

metonymy of the process and evidence of a new and refreshing

relaxation of out-moded shibboleths." --Damien Broderick

--

"Boy-howdy, them vocabularies make me wheeze shibboleths!"

--MegaLiz

--

"Metonymy is a term popularized, if that's the term, by Roman

Jakobson--linguist and guiding light to many post-modern thinkers,

such as Levi-Strauss--you can be fairly sure that someone

using it is not really sure of what it means." -- My dad

--

"I found this entire scene extremely gratifying, at once a

metonymy of the prostate and evidence of a new and refreshing

relaxation of the sphincter."-- Dave Lynch as Damien Broderick

--

"1) Levi-Strauss was not a postmodernist; 2) Roman Jakobson has

little influence on postmodernists; 3) some of us actually do

know what metonymy means -- we're just not telling."--Dan Clore

--

"Meg's sig, as of her last post, exceeds the average limp

schmenke's length" -- axel heyst

--

"It's not nice to make up words named after towns in Maine,

you know."-- Mutha Naycha P-Lil

--

"sorry for the lack of caps - i've just had surgery on my

damien broderick." -- MegaLiz as little d damien