Subject: Pack Animal

Date: 02 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: (Mumthra)

Organization: RadixNet Internet Services

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free





In the spirit of trying to remain flexible about whooshing off on

Spunky's field trip today, I went to the school early and hauled Bo in

a backpack. After about ten minutes of frantic xeroxing and stapling

and chatting with mommies who would help me figure out where things

are if they weren't so busy, I had to admit that I felt as if my

collarbone had been dislocated.


The backpack wasn't adjusted right AGAIN and I didn't notice it AGAIN,

much like driving for half an hour before I realize that the car's

mirrors are all pointing at the ground from my point of view. It had

been a Jackpack most recently, so that without a great deal of strap

tightening her weight was distributed ALL WRONG.


I was pretty relieved when the teacher said that she didn't need me to

drive, and Spunky was assigned to another nice mommy person for her

field trip. My work was done, as much as it ever is, and all I had to

do was wait for someone to tell me where things are so that I can do

more stuff and be sort of done again later.


Maybe I should invent a baby headpack. Any pack is fine for a

light-weight baby, but when they get heavy and obstinate, none of the

choices seem to work any better than them to my hip with both hands.

It doesn't matter how much padding is involved if they want to kick at

my kidneys. We also create a pretty large obstacle when she's on my



I think it might be the best alternative to strap her ankles together

in front of my neck and bind her middle to my head. That way, if she

starts to pull my hair too much, I can just pull a ripcord that will

let her dangle upside down until she's ready to be a polite passenger

again. It would strangle me a little, so I'd have incentive not to

leave her like that for a very long time.


I think I'll package it and sell it along with my Execumum Briefbag.

Free beanie baby noose to the first thousand customers!