Subject: Pack Animal
Date: 02 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (Mumthra)
Organization: RadixNet Internet Services
In the spirit of trying to remain flexible about whooshing off on
Spunky's field trip today, I went to the school early and hauled Bo in
a backpack. After about ten minutes of frantic xeroxing and stapling
and chatting with mommies who would help me figure out where things
are if they weren't so busy, I had to admit that I felt as if my
collarbone had been dislocated.
The backpack wasn't adjusted right AGAIN and I didn't notice it AGAIN,
much like driving for half an hour before I realize that the car's
mirrors are all pointing at the ground from my point of view. It had
been a Jackpack most recently, so that without a great deal of strap
tightening her weight was distributed ALL WRONG.
I was pretty relieved when the teacher said that she didn't need me to
drive, and Spunky was assigned to another nice mommy person for her
field trip. My work was done, as much as it ever is, and all I had to
do was wait for someone to tell me where things are so that I can do
more stuff and be sort of done again later.
Maybe I should invent a baby headpack. Any pack is fine for a
light-weight baby, but when they get heavy and obstinate, none of the
choices seem to work any better than them to my hip with both hands.
It doesn't matter how much padding is involved if they want to kick at
my kidneys. We also create a pretty large obstacle when she's on my
I think it might be the best alternative to strap her ankles together
in front of my neck and bind her middle to my head. That way, if she
starts to pull my hair too much, I can just pull a ripcord that will
let her dangle upside down until she's ready to be a polite passenger
again. It would strangle me a little, so I'd have incentive not to
leave her like that for a very long time.
I think I'll package it and sell it along with my Execumum Briefbag.
Free beanie baby noose to the first thousand customers!