Subject: Re: Pastor Craig's ugly secret
Date: 11 Dec 1996 00:00:00 GMT
From: 1Ol01O@radix.net (MegaLiz"""")
Organization: RadixNet Internet Services
Newsgroups: alt.slack, alt.foot.fat-free
firstname.lastname@example.org (Pastor Craig) wrote:
:If I COULD figure out how to turn my ugliness to
:my advantage, I would be posting about it, would I?
:>Ain't NOTHING that can't be turned to good account. Get
:>smart, get desparate or get used to going without.
:In the face of this snug platitude, it looks like I'm
:stuck with the third choice.
Ack! CRAIGORY! Let's be systematic.
How'd you manage to get married the FIRST TIME?
Was she/he/it blind?
Did you purchase your bride wholesale? Retail?
Did she sweep you up saying, "Come with me, my uglyboy! I weel feed you
EXSCHRUDEL until you FEEL PRETTY-PRETTY!"???
I am highly skeptical (I won't even BOTHER to point out that you are NOT
UGLY, although I gotta confess, I seem to remember you had hideous feets.
Sorry. Maybe that was Nickie?).
In any case, you need to steam yourself. No one else will steam you if you
have no self-steam. If your LOOKS worry you (as opposed to humorsense, etc.)
Beat your chest several times a day and shout, "I AM FABIO! ROMANTIC ICON
AND MARGARINE PITCHBOY!" Practice smouldering looks at women in restaurants,
while imagining that your very glance wets their pants. Eventually IT WILL
BE THUS, and so you must be patient and kind to yourself in the MEANtime.