Subject: The Big Sleepless Rubber Cupcakes

Date: 24 Nov 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: nospamum@radix.net (Mumthra)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free

 

 

 

 

I started to watch "The Big Sleep" on Saturday night teevee, but all the stylish

smoking gave me convulsions and I had to quit. Watching, that is.

 

I like those movies that are reputed to have snappy dialog that mostly have

fast-talking actors who move right along before the viewer has a chance to

realize that they aren't making any sense of it.

 

"Big Sleep" is one of those, although it does have some good lines. The speech

that's freshest in my mind is the one from the old guy who says that he's paying

for the excesses of his sturdier days, and largely exists on heat. He says that

he's not able to experience any sort of sleep that is different enough from

waking to deserve another name.

 

I had some of that last night. Maybe it was just a prolonged acid flashback. I'd

roll over and see that it was 1:22, for instance, vividly hallucinate or dream

or remember something and look again to see that it was only 1:23. It was pretty

strange and somehow not at all like me, but maybe it was just the side effect of

that fucking "RUGRATS" matinee.

 

Anyway, I was stubborn about trying to sleep, because I was comfortable and

because I was going to have to get up at 5:00 a.m. and bake some cupcakes for

Spunky's class feast. I just had that feeling that I'd had ENOUGH sleep,

somehow, so I rolled over at about 2:00 and became determined to laze right

there for three hours not matter what.

 

In short order Mandy Patinkin burst in and demanded, rather rudely, that I fill

his lunchbox. I did my best and he was still so surly that I was sure that he

had mistaken me for someone else. After that, things got pretty weird. The Rev

was alternately a sort of Shiva monkey thing and an upholstered lobster-snowman,

depending upon whether or not he was snoring at the time. Little musical coughs

woke me dozens of times, although it was pretty certain that they didn't wake

the little coughers. My cat complained that her coughs weren't nearly as pretty,

being more of the "hoooowaackuh" variety instead of the "keh-keh-beheh" type.

 

I was really ready to get up at five o'clock, so I did. I couldn't scrape

together more than one cup of sugar from the tin, so that was the end of the

applesauce cupcake plan. At breakfast, it came clear that Spunky was feeling

exceptionally funky, so the school feast was canceled for us.

 

We ended up playing a phlegmy imaginary horse thing game that involved lots of

chairs and rubber bands, and, well, lots of imagination. After a couple of hours

of that, everybody fell asleep on top of me until the kitchen timer started to

buzz ferociously to let me know that it had been exactly an hour since the last

time I had unsuccessfully tried to turn it off.

 

Spunky wanted to go to the playground. I said maybe tomorrow. She wanted to know

if it was tomorrow right then--if today is tomorrow. It serves me right for

keeping her home from school. Today may have been the day that she was going to

learn about tomorrow.

 

Sparky was helpful. She said that tomorrow is when you wake up in the morning

and it's not dark because it's today all over again except that it's tomorrow

and different.

 

Anyway, I think I'll sleep until then.

 

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This was probably from Mumthra.