Subject: MegaLiz: Sperm Courier
Date: 26 Sep 1997 00:00:00 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
Just one of many helpful daily living hints: do not say, "Wow!
EEEEEWWWWWW!" when your true love tenderly hands you a jar of precious
bodily fluids. Just STOP talking right at the "WOW" part.
Right this minute, some gum-chewing blonde is scanning the Rev's
sample for swimmers. I can visualize it ever so clearly...
"Hey Babs! Whatcha doon?"
"Just gluing these tongue depressors into another Xanadu sculpture,
"We just got a sample in."
"I don't want it, YOU do it, Blanche. I'm busy." Babs hovers over her
"But you can COUNT so much better than I can. Remember, I have a note
sayin' that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome AND Eyestrain-Induced
Psychosis. Yer supposed to do these tests, ya know. I just push
needles. That's the rule."
"Alright, you big baby, I'll do it....There," she puts the last tougue
depressor on the spire. It falls off. "Shit." Babs grabs the jar,
removes the lid hastily, and begins to extract part of the sample. "OH
"Whassa matter?" Blanche glances up from her nail filing. Recognizing
the seriousness of the situation she sidles toward the door.
"IT'S....IT'S ALIVE!!!" Babs loses what remains of her professional
composure and knocks the jar over onto her Xanadu as they flee.
After consultation with the receptionist who flatly REFUSES to call
the HazMat team during her break, Blanche and Babs tentatively return
to the lab.
"It's not moving. I told ya you were crazy." Babs returns to her post
and quickly labels a vial of blood just to show that she's no slouch.
Blanche reaches toward her sculpture with a shaking manicured hand.
"It's not moving, you're right, but how did it get all over my SPIRE?"
She twiddles the depressors and makes a startling discovery. "Good
God, Babs, I'm gonna be RICH! This stuff is BETTER than crazy glue!"
"Sure. YOU'RE gonna be rich. Ha! That stuff's already DRY." She
resumes filing her nails. "I'VE got the guy's name in my pocket...."
Unfortunately their dreams may never be realized, for right at that
very moment a gang of irate waitingroompeople storms the lab room,
brandishing improvised weapons.
Stand up for NICENESS!
Strike a BLOW for good manners!