Subject: Spunky on Film

Date: 04 May 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: megeliz@radix.net (MegEliz)

Organization: Gene Wolfe Library and Family Restaurant, East Wing

Newsgroups: alt.slack

 

 

 

 

I had to make her promise to cooperate while I whipped off her diaper

in the parking lot, and since that bit of high level bargaining worked

out, I just knew it was going to be a good shoot.

 

The studio was pretty interesting. There were lots of busy people who

seemed to have no idea or care about who we were and there was a

helluva lot of food. I think I'll go back by there next week sometime

and just pretend I have something to do and get fed.

 

I would have liked to have taken some time to absorb more of the

surroundings and cool machines, but I had to keep busy making sure

that Spunky didn't chew through any vital power cords or generate any

other cute nuisances. We were ushered onto the set, which was a dark

and crowded obstacle course, with a lovely, peaceful kitchen in the

middle. Spunky met her new mommy, who would cherish her for about 30

seconds, again and again. Spunky's new mommy didn't know squat about

kids, so after asking her how old she is (which babies NEVER answer,

since they don't KNOW and they don't care even a teensy bit) she

talked to me ABOUT her, which is a sure way not to endear oneself to a

terror tot. Oh well. Then the nice makeup lady took us to the powder

room. Spunky didn't like the nice lady and preferred to put makeup on

me while the nice lady doggedly smoothed and resmoothed Spunky's spiky

hair. After these ministrations, Spunky was feeling pretty good about

getting out of the powder room, so we installed her in the set.

 

Initially, she was antsy when she couldn't see me, but all that

changed when they brought in the food. HA! They didn't know that

eating is her very best trick. She eats like a person who's just

washed up to the last hot buffet before X-day. She ate and ate and

cooed and gobbled and strained to reach the rest of the food. She was

brilliant! The director kept saying, "Hurry up folks, we have a happy

baby!" as the various busy people fussed and arranged and boinged off

of each other without actually touching.

 

Suddenly, everything was ready. Spunky had the banana. This looked

like THE MOMENT. Then somebody said, "SMOKE!" My hand clapped

reflexively to my pocket. Then I realized that they weren't talking to

me as a guy materialized with a thing that sprayed a smoke-like

substance and another guy waved a thing that looked like a big furnace

filter behind the first guy.

 

After five takes we were done. Spunky's new mommy rushed off without

even a kiss goodbye and we ate some more of the food.

 

Did I mention that she got paid for this?

 

Possibly Pontifette Meg