Subject: Big-ass JOKE (WAS Re: Alright I give up!!! THE FACTS)

Date: 12 Sep 1998 14:17:30 PDT

From: Pee Kitty <Pkitty@voyager.cris.com>

Organization: Dobbstown Sane Asylum

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5

 

His Most Feathered Eminence <talysman@my-dejanews.com> spewed forth:

>>We have to put this one in the archives,

>>Sheer Brilliance!!!

 

> I thought so, too.

> great job, Pee Kitty!!!

 

Gawrsh and golly, thanks!

 

*I* saved it, at any rate...

 

> lately, he's been producing some excellent posts along the

> lines of "what if the Church of the SubGenius is *serious*?

> what if we apply SubGenius teachings to our lives *today*?"

 

What IF?? What IF??

 

(Not to jump on you, of course, Talysman - but I hear my cue here...)

 

If you want a joke church, go search the web for a few hours - you'll find

hundreds. Discordianism took a joke and wrapped it in a pseudophilosophy,

then left it at that. Scientology IS a joke, but wraps itself in a

delusion of seriousness, destroying any utility it might otherwise have.

Christianity is simply the middle ground between the two, a weak

compromise of humor, utility, and realism.

 

Call me a religious fanatic if you will (c'mon, I can take it! DO IT,

MAGGOT!), for I have found no other religion quite like the Church of the

SubGenius. "Are you guys a joke?" Yeah, sure, a joke. A BIG fucking joke,

man. That Conspiracy we talk about? Just a joke...or maybe it's serious,

like a metaphor. Or maybe NOT like a metaphor! Maybe we're nailing it

RIGHT ON THE HEAD and the humor is the only way we can get away with it.

Or maybe we're kidding about that kind of stuff. Intentional confusion for

the sake of comedy, or genuine attempts to force you to THINK FOR

YOURSELF? YOU make the call.

 

Religions are designed to make you dependant upon them. They're a crutch,

a VERY comfortable crutch that limits you quite a bit, but feels so good

to use, and other people ALL around you are using them too so it's okay.

Some religions aren't - Discordianism is an intentionally unusuable

crutch, which makes it nigh-impossible to become dependant and dogmatic

upon, but it also fails to provide anything for people who DO need a bit

of a crutch.

 

And yes, YES, friends...many genuine, true Yetinsyny NEED a crutch - at

first. Some of us were born hating the pinkness of the world and striking

out into our own realities...but most of us were picked on, abused and

ridiculed, forced into conformity and stripped of all our Slack. We are

the true pariahs of the world, and they don't even TRY to hide it. Some of

us break free by ourselves, but too TOO many cannot quite pull it off.

That's where the crutch comes in. The Church of the SubGenius IS a valid

philosophy, a real religion, something that you CAN let into your mind and

wallet, giving you confidence and strength in the knowledge that there ARE

other freaks like you, and the clear message that the SubGenii ARE better

than the pinks - with reasons why, not just rhetoric.

 

And yet, and YET, our crutch is not the soft and comfy one that most

mainstream religions are. Ours is tolerable at first, but doesn't quite

fit, and hurts, and starts to collapse the more you use it. One can NOT

become reliant upon our dogma - one can NOT become dependant upon seeing

the world through the "official church filter" without losing your EYES as

they try to look in eight contradictory directions at once! Our crutch is

designed to get you out of that wheelchair and walking again, until you

start to pick up some speed and them WHAMMO! you find yourself falling

flat on your face! And you can pick 'em up and use 'em some more, but it's

only a matter of time until WHAMMO! you're on the floor again, and again,

and again, until you pull a Tiny Tim[1] and THROW those crutches away,

dancing and cartwheeling through life with the knowledge that you don't

need ANY crutch because your legs work JUST FINE - the glands just needed

some AIR, not that SHIT they've been pumping into 'em!

 

Bullshit? A joke? Sure, if that's all you want to see in this church,

that's all it'll be for you. But friends, there can be SO MUCH MORE. All

we ask is that you open your mind, open your heart, open your wallet, and

let "Bob" into your heart, for real. "Bob" is here for you as no regular

savior can be - accept him, let him help you, then throw him away and go

at it yourself. You CAN be saved...you can even be saved FROM the Church

of the SubGenius. All it takes is an ounce of sense.

 

And, of course, your thirty bucks.

 

 

 

[1] From the movie 'Scrooged', with mary lou retton as tiny tim, of course

 

--

 

Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian

Meow!

 

::: Thinking about a Tampa Bay Devival in the future - email me!

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