Subject: Re: Pants
Date: Sat, 27 Dec 1997 14:29:07 -0800
Organization: The Group Home for the Easily Amused
Newsgroups: alt.slack.devo, alt.slack
> Oh, man, I gotta go pants shopping today.
Well, first off, I did get some pants. I don't know WHY, but they seem
to have stopped making the species of pants that were shaped like I am.
This necessitated trying on many different brands, styles and sizes of
strange pants, including trying on every different pair we were going to
buy, even if they were the same brand and model. I'm not sure how many
pants I tried on; I seem to have gone into a clothing-shopping haze.
There's no guessing how many pants I may have tried on in my delirium.
I have no idea how come television and that stupid allegedly-comic strip
"Cathy" are always joking about clothing shopping being fun and women
liking to do it. I don't know a single person who likes clothes
shopping, except the pinks in my age group, but they probably just like
to shop because they like conforming to stereotypes.
Anyway, we bought some pants. I wouldn't have run out of pants in the
first place, except I got a pair muddy yesterday playing in the snow.
See, we don't get snow in Medford, but there is snow up at Mt. Ashland,
so Matie and I* persuaded Poppa to stop rendering for a while and drive
us up there in the pickup so we could fill the bed with snow.
We had to ask Pop along because the road wasn't the best it's been, and
of the 3/5 of our vehicles that actually go, one is in mothballs and two
are Volkswagens. So we drove 45 mph on the shoulder up the mountain and
stopped...at Tunnel 13. Do you know why Tunnel 13 has national historic
significance? I'll tell ya later.
But we climbed up to that, and marveled at the snow and the big spools,
and the abandoned refrigerator full of pickles, relish, salad dressing
and chopped garlic in a jar. And we saw big icicles in the tunnel
Then we came down and found Pop had left the lights on. So I got to
help push. In the snow.
But we got it started, and drove up to the access road to Mt. Ashland.
Which turned out to be WAY too icy for the truck, so we stopped with the
motor running by a big ol' snowbank and shoveled snow into the back of
the truck until we hit dirt, then we had to shovel the dirty snow out of
the truck and move forward a bit. We drove back to Medford cautiously,
with the back dragging, and backed the truck onto the lawn. Boy, we
felt like REAL white trash! Pop went to the back to start the fire
under the fat again, I started shoveling snow out of the vehicle, and
Matie started making it into a fort. And of course, I accidentally
shoveled snow onto her head. NOT ON PURPOSE! And I spent quite some
time explaining that to her.
Then we both worked on making the fort. I don't know why we didn't make
snowmen, or just a big pile of snow, but Matie said "Fort," so that's
what I helped her make. I just wanted snow. She got kind of upset at
me because we didn't communicate exactly how this fort was to be
constructed, so I went in to make hot chocolate. We both had hot
chocolate, and worked some more on building it, then both got exhausted
simultaneously from the cold, being soaked, the mud and the general
heaviness of snow. Matie went inside and I had to put the shovels
I had a good idea and jumped on the hose for a while, then turned it
on. Man! It VOMITED ice! It was really spooky. Put on a high
pressure nozzle (bought to drench pumpkin-smashing punks) and set it on
"mist," then sprayed the fort. It's gonna be there until FEBRUARY.
While I was hosing off the shovels, the truck, the pumpkins (they're
STAYING there) and various things that displeased me, some street
urchins came up and watched for a while, then asked if they could have
some snow. I'm nothing but nice, so I said "Sure, just from this big
pile, not from this fort." And they all took big chunks of snow and
balanced them on their bikes. I hope some of their TV-watching boozer
parents look up and wonder where they got it.
Matie came back out in dry gloves and I attempted to teach her how to
throw snowballs. She throws like a GIRL, sort of doing a
pirouette/heave and missing any target COMPLETELY. She was very
impressed with my deadly accuracy and velocity, and we threw snowballs
at the house until we hit a window and got spooked. Then we threw some
at the tree, then Mom came home in the van and we threw snowballs at
her. Then we ran around the house to the back, where the fire was nice
and warm and the fat was bubbling, and went inside and took off all our
smeggy clothes and took a nice warm nap. Mmm.
I like getting really cold and miserable, then being all warm and cozy.
It's a study in contrast, I guess.
Then we had HAMBURGERS for supper! And watched Space Ghost!
I like Xmas Break!
<email@example.com> | Ben, Shelley, Matie and/or Anna **** 113 Earls! |
38 Daves | Just ignore alt.slack.devo--> There's no one in here, Mr.
Balowski! We're all holograms! -- yet another YOUNG ONES quote ***|
*Although this whole thing was my idea.