Subject: The Last Temptation of Chris

Date: Sun, 21 Dec 1997 16:51:21 -0600

From: seanmed@aol.com

Organization: Deja News Posting Service

Newsgroups: alt.slack

 

 

With all this maudlin hand-wringing about blubbery former comedian Chris

Farley emulating the life and death of his idol John Belushi, am I the

only one who remembers that there was yet another beloved household name

who made an indelible mark on the world before leaving it, all too soon,

at the age of 33? That's right, you remember Him, don't you? The

parallels are frightening...

 

Christ: Ejected moneylenders from temple in righteous frenzy.

Chris: Distended blood vessels in temples with frenzied sputtering.

 

Christ: Brought Lazarus back from dead.

Chris: Brought extra-large Meat-Lover's Special back from Pizza Hut.

 

Christ: Walked on water.

Chris: Had walk-on part in "Wayne's World 2."

 

Christ: Turned water into wine.

Chris: Turned whiskey and beer into urine.

 

Christ: Name often used as curse by those in pain.

Chris: Often cursed in pain.

 

Christ: Had 12 disciples.

Chris: Had 12-pack nightly.

 

Christ: Turned other cheek when struck by enemies.

Chris: Exposed both cheeks when stuck for material.

 

Christ: Healed sick and blind.

Chris: Drank until sick and blind.

 

Christ: Shattered domination of Roman Empire with timeless wisdom. Chris:

Shattered prop furniture on "Saturday Night Live" with shapeless body.

 

Christ: Suffered and died on cross for sins of Mankind.

Chris: Co-starred with David Spade.

 

Plus, come on, "Christ"? "Chris"? I don't know where everybody's getting

this Belushi crap.

 

Oh, and Merry Christmas! Or should I say... Chris-mas? Ha ha!

 

Sean Medlock

Haiku Headlines of the Day