Subject: FINALly over
Date: 18 Dec 97 19:40:02 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org.NoMoReDaMnSpAm (Nully Fydyan)
Organization: Church of the Ungendered Yeti
My finals are over, and it would be a shame not to share some of that
excruciating experience with you. Of course, now that it's over I can say
it was all pretty funny, and I really did try to make it seem funny at the
time. I failed, but I really tried.
I studied for something like 50 hours for my French final. It was all I
did for four days (if you exclude bitching about French and avoiding
studying and taking long study breaks with the chick who lives
downstairs). The final was 40% of the semester grade. Why? I don't
rightly know, but probably for the same reason that we just learned the
subjunctive tense. In my first semester French class. If you're familiar
with learning languages, you probably know the subjunctive usually isn't
taught until at least the third year. So we don't know how to conjugate
-ir verbs, but we sure can use the subjunctive. My teacher for the class
was a grad student a year younger than I, who decided to leave the school
after this semester. I don't think she really cared how any of us did,
which may explain why there was stuff on the final we haven't seen since
September. How often, unless one is a Japanese tourist, do you need to
know the word "camcorder" in a foreign language? I didn't know it, but
there it was on the final. And now I shall never forget "camescope".
Same with "stade", which for those of you not in the know (as I certainly
wasn't) means stadium. Among the other fun bits on the test was a
paragraph I think I wrote entirely in the wrong tense, though I'm not
actually sure, because the question was in French, and employed words I
SWEAR I've never seen before. I can't even look them up, cause I don't
remember what they were. Oh, I also had someone accidently commandeer the
subway. For some reason my teacher didn't think that was plausable, and
was sure I meant to use the word take. Which I did, but could she be
*sure* of that?
The good part about my French final: I've been talking to a latent in my
class about "Bob" for most of the semester. She and I sit in the front
row, and the teacher, who's pink but still has a sense of humor (hell, we
did watch Le Noel de Mickey on the last day of class) has also got to hear
quite a bit about "Bob", as did a couple of people who sit near us. I was
saying that I wanted to bring "Bob" to the final for luck (and I did
actually have tBotSG on my desk - not that it helped) and my teacher joked
she'd put "Bob" IN the final. So there we were, doing the listening
comprehension, and she starts reading the next section. "Le apartement de
"Bob"". I laughed so hard I missed the entire paragraph, but they read
them each 3 times, so I caught it the next time around. It was pretty
obvious which of the few people in the class got the joke by where the
pencils dropped. By the way, you should hear "Bob" with a French accent.
It kind of sounds like a sound a frog would make.
I was exempted out of one of my philosophy finals, so I actually only had
one other (there's no final in creative writing). Unfortunately, it was
the *easy* philosophy class for which I don't have to take the final (or
I'd be taking it tomorrow), so I still had the final for my Descartes,
Hume, and Kant class. That was yesterday. It was a cummulative final, so
he could ask us anything about any of the philosophers, both independently
and comparitavely. And he did. There were 6 essays to do it 2 hours, and
3 of the essays had 4 parts each. For some of the questions, I had no
idea what was going on. Sometimes I didn't even understand the question.
I felt like I spent most of the final making stuff up.
I actually skipped one of the questions, "Compare and contrast
transcendental deduction with demonstration.", because I had no idea what
the hell it was talking about. When I went to hand the exam in to the TA
(the prof was long since gone) she told me to go back and write
_something_ for that question. I told her I couldn't, and she said "Think
of it in terms of Descartes' and Kant's views of a priori knowledge."
Once she said it that way, I actually understood the question, and could
write on it. I'm not sure if I wrote about it correctly, but at least I
wrote about it.
Question #5 may have been my favorite: You look for your pen so you can
answer this question, and find it on the right hand corner of your desk.
You pick it up. How would Hume and Kant explain the experience of your
pen? -- I kid you not. This was further comlicated by the fact that the
exam was in a miniature lecture hall with these tiny desks, you know, the
kind that are attached to the chairs. And the desks were, for some
unknown reason, shaped like cheese wedges. So, I automatically looked for
my pen on the right hand corner of my desk, and realized that my desk did
not HAVE a right hand corner. I spent the next few minutes pondering
this, for it made more sense than most of the test. I had difficulty with
the experience of my pen, since I was gnawing on the cap at that point,
and imagined my pen wasn't having a very good time of it.
After the exam I spoke to someone who said, for the refutation of
idealism, he wrote, "I don't believe idealism, which states that
everything is in the mind, because if everything was in the mind I
wouldn't have severe writer's cramp right now." At least he explicated. I
didn't even bother explicating. I was just giving up.
And now I don't care. Cause it's over. It's finally, finally over. And
I get a month of vacation. During which I will go home to the folks and
work at my old job at the record store for two weeks (they desperately
need experience X-mas help). Retail during the Christmas season. I can
feel a hate-on forming already.
During finals I was struck with one little bit of wisdom, which helped me
make it through. Finals were invented by a Rogue. They must have been --
no one other than a rogue would have been able to generate that great a
slack vacuum over that large an area. And once I knew a rogue did it, it
was a lot easier to understand the sheer insanity of it all. Fuck the
pinks -- let's kill all the Rogues.
Rev. Nully Fydyan
Rev. Nully Fydyan
Church of the Ungendered Yeti
"NO! NO! THAT YO-YO IS A NO-NO FOR BOBO!" -- MegaLiz