From !!! Sun Nov 23 06:46:43 1997

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Blasts from the Past

From: !!! (TarlaStar)

Date: Sun, 23 Nov 1997 14:46:43 GMT


(posts from 4/8/95-4/12/95)


Connor Durflinger wrote:

>Has anyone yet thought of putting a SubGenius marriage certificate *on*

>their Web page? It would be *so* easy to conduct virtual marriages that

>way--both participants simply fill out the certificate online, have it

>'signed' by whatever Doktor maintains it on their site, and *wham*!

>Instant marriage! how much more Slackful can you get?


>IrRev Finagle


VIRTUAL BIGAMY!!! I'm for it!


modemac wrote:


>Tarla wrote:

>: Connor Durflinger wrote:

>: >Has anyone yet thought of putting a SubGenius marriage certificate *on*

>: >their Web page? It would be *so* easy to conduct virtual marriages that

>: >way--both participants simply fill out the certificate online, have it

>: >'signed' by whatever Doktor maintains it on their site, and *wham*!

>: >Instant marriage! how much more Slackful can you get?

>: >

>: >IrRev Finagle

>: VIRTUAL BIGAMY!!! I'm for it!


>And let's put it to the test! I'll make the first SubGenius Online

>Marriage Proposal right now!


>MARRY ME, TARLA! None of that pussy-wimp "Will you marry me" stuff - not

>for you! You're too much of a fightin' Yetisyn to have to put up with

>the grovelling and begging.


>Show this message to your husband and let him participate! I'll marry

>him, too, once he introduces himself. As soon as this Virtual Marriage

>Certificate is a reality, we'll have a Short Duration Marriage. Maybe we

>can even have the ceremony at the Online Devival on April 30.


>Of course, I'll have to let my other online wife know about this. :)

>Over on FurryMUCK, I'm virtually married to the lovely Midori Hatamoto,

>the sexiest white-haired green-skinned lizard lady ever to sling a

>guitar. She plays a mean Megadeth riff, too.'re tough to resist. You demand my attention. You joust

with the Scientos on my behalf, you have more interests than Dobbs has

dicks, and you even asked my husband...but you must know, the Little

Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy are a demanding lot, and when you wed

one, you wed them all...why do you think the husband has been so

damned quiet?


Sphinx1Billy Samuels) wrote:

<regretfully cut Sterno's rant>

> Yeah, really creative ain't you Spermo, you great. bloated toad

>of a colla who wouldn't know a Cambatur if it bit you on yer old,

>pox-scarred arse. Bob Dylan had a better rap about the newspaper in his

>icebox that kept turning into lettuce leaves! I suppose you thought I'd

>never get access to your cyberpansy, online, crystal-stroking,

>prairie-squid eating domain again. Nice job you did setting me and my

>brothers up on that Cochabamba Emerald Scam. I bet you and Janor just

>laughed your asses off while we were rotting on Agua Santa prison in

>Brazil. Guess what you miserable redneck version of The Illustrated Man,

>it's payback time!!!

> Tell that butthole buddy of yours, Gee Gee Gordon that he's next

>on my list. Don't turn your back on entropy..Don't go to Dokstok

>either....if you do it will be your last. I'm posting this on Alt.slack

>so everyone will know what happens when you burn the Samuels BoyZ. We

>already took care of G'broagfran, easy enough to buy him off with a rich

>boy's bicycle, Uberbrow has already been compromised, files hanging out

>like Pee-Dog's dick and there isn't going to be much help coming from

>Stang or Philo. Don't frap within the sight of Dobbs or you will be


> And this time when we get you, it's gonna be more than just a

>red-hot coal up the old fundioo. There will be pictures available for

>everyone to see what we did to you, so put your papers in order, write

>your will and kiss your Sub-Genial, Papal ass good-bye


> yore ole pal, Billy

> (and Carlton and Leon)


Well...this should make DOKSTOK interesting...perhaps I should invest

in a chainsaw.


talysman wrote:


>Gee, can you tell that I wrote that after two weeks of drinking a

>two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew EVERY DAY?


>Or that I really, really needed to get some sleep before I tried to spell?


>"tatses" should be "tastes", of course. And "fak" should be "fake".


I sure enough can...since you confused lemurs with lemmings...but we

got the drift.


selina wrote:


>Don't get excited Yetoids and Yetettes, I'm just testing the account I'm

>setting up for Popette Candy Virgin. She'll be on shortly.


>Tarla, you might want to take her under your wing. She tends to be a True

>Innocent. At least in public. But she *has* expressed an interest in the

>Wrath of Connie.




Now Dennis...I need to know up she a REAL virgin or just a

born-again virgin, or is that just a nom de "Bob"?


Well I guess if I'm going to take her under my wing, I'd better go

shave; pit burn sucks... but then again, what better way to begin her

initiation into Sexhurt? Bring on the Virgin!

**** (Sphinx Drummond) wrote:



>YOUR MONEY SHIT - I want YOUR money more than you. There will be a lot

>of beautiful artsy "Hollywoody" type, lame thread supporting, trend

>mongering, arse sniffin' people that are gonna wish they would have gone

>to DOKSTOK. When the skin starts to fissure and fester and the sewers

>back up with maggots & stanky blood-shit, they are gonna be saying,

>"Damn, I knew I should have gone to DOKSTOK. I wish I would have paid

>more attention to the DOKSTOK threads on the internet/alt.slack instead

>of contributing to that Panama-Scientology-privacy-Jesus-HotHeaded-gOTH


> When the crack in the ground opens even wider and up comes a

>bubbling green fog that reeks of 13,000 rotting dead 'gyptians and

>they're fuckin' dogs and cats, with their distended bowels hangin' down

>'round the ankles so that the ooze from the gang greenotic AlterNatives

>completely covers not just the fleshy parts or the dry crusty parts, but

>da bode uv um. When the lightening goes on strike the thunder boycotts

>the sun who's gonna wish they had gone to DOKSTOK then?

> For crying out loud, some people would die to sniff the anal

>mist of FART DOG EXPLOSION and yet they still find a way to miss

>DOKSTOK. Just where the crunt do they think FART DOG EXPLOSION lives if

>not at DOKSTOK. The dead will be there, just walking around like nothing

>was wrong, every excuse is invalid. Maybe "Bob" will appear. The sound

>of CHAINSAWS is in the air. Even the SPINELESS BASTARDS will be there!

> I've got a DOKSTOK state of mind. I'm living on DOKSTOK time.

>DOKSTOK is apple pie. Chainsaw ball is the DOCKSTOK NATION's national

>past time. PILS® and AIR and LUV© will abound. The bellies of the fish

>will be glowing. You CAN'T GET TOO HIGH ON DOKSTOK MOUNTAIN. The long

>awaited SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSE reunion. The average CORPSE will be

>floating a foot off the ground. 5 DEAD JACO'S, need I say more???


> The world will never be the same. Would you rather be home going

>blind playing DOOM & MYST? Don't you want to be a part? Don't you want

>to add your contribution? If you don't know, don't go, you will only be

>made fun of, harassed, ridiculed, and possibly immortalized in song.

>But, if you should have been there and don't go, you will hear how badly

>you FUCKED UP for the rest of your miserable life.

> Just thought you MIGHT want to know, dammit! AND FUCK YOU TOO



>Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.

>Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.



A general know, like the actual weekend in July, would be

most helpful. Did I translate Sterno's $35 a head,

right? Well at least his isn't charging by the number of functioning

penises, some folks would go broke just getting in!

**** (J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs) wrote:


>I feel that I should tell you all that I believe that you have made a great

>mistake. I never intended for you to found a pseudo-religion based on my

>words, and certainly never wanted for you to interpret what I've said in the

>manner which you have.


>Please, my friends, return to the slack which I meant to be. It was never

>supposed to be an organized effort for proselytizing the world. It was

>only to be a sort of personal journey for each of you.


>I ask that you please begin dismantling the structure that you have built

>around the Church of the SubGenius. It was not meant to be that way.



>Thanks to all of you.


>J. R. "Bob" Dobbs


<chanelling for "Connie"> "Excuse me! But you know better than to

address the faithful without your "authority dick", come back home,

pick it up, service me, THEN you can talk with the boys, or disband

the church or whatever....and pick up a quart of honey on your way,

I've got the feathers all ready...

**** (Joe Newman) wrote:

>One time when I was a kid my parents gritted their fucking teeth

>and took me and my brother to a restaurant to eat. I ordered a huge

>steak, and my Dad ordered prime rib. I ate about a pound of medium

>rare beef, then my Dad gave me about a half pound of his prime rib.

>The next day, I swear to god I shat meat. It was a horrible sickly

>brown turd, which snapped off in the middle, and this chunk of pink

>meat protruded from its center. Ragged flecks of pink and brown

>circled it in the bowl, and the whole thing looked like a slaughtered



>Yours in Christ,


>Joe Newman


Have you ever noticed a significant different in the overall pstench

of your excremediations depending upon how much fat you consume in

your diet? If I'm being really disciplined and keeping the fat content

low, you'd barely know I was in there (the lightning and howling of

the demons usually gives it away though), but If I've

eaten a really high fat becomes a death'd

PRAY to have zombies eat the nose right off your face, honest.


**** (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) wrote:

>Matthew Carey ( wrote:

>: -- Possibly useful information --

>: -- Crossposted from alt.psychology.nlp --

>: Dansgold ( wrote:

>: : I have stumbled onto an interesting phrase which seem to induse a deep

>: : state of confusion and/or trance-like suggestibility. It seems to work

>: : even when being read so please use whatever filters you have:




>: : I'm not sure what is going on here, but please experiment and let me know

>: : what you think...


>: A trance state is a fairly well know consequence of constantly

>: re-orienting people in time. Similarly, any violation of a well-formed

>: sentance that is close enough to being well-formed tends to put people

>: into a trance state. By combining the two you have found a very

>: powerful trance inducer.


>A typical self-referential description from the NLP folks, with no basis in

>fact. The suprisingly understandable psychological state induced is known as

>'confusion'. There is nothing 'trance-state' about it. Any perusal of psych

>abstracts will provide ample evidence that cognitive dissonance as created

>by such confusion decreases suggestibility by decreasing the ability to

>understand the suggestion.


>Such phrases were common among the folks I altered chemistry with.

>Which would you rather be, or a truck driver?

>Did you walk to school or bring your lunch?


>Anyone in a trance yet?


I have a step-sister who says shit like this all the time...she's just

not too bright. We call them "Sherryisms":

"Keep a stiff upper chin"

"I'm going to punch you right between the nose"

"Tie the dog loose"

**** (John Tzimisces) wrote:


>In article <$>

> "Mark E. Smith" writes:



>> I probably shouldn't ask, but here goes.


>> On the cover of RevX, "Bob" looks like he has some kind of weird

>> writing in his hair. But I'll be a striped-ass baboon if I can

>> figure out what, if anything, it says.


>> Anybody want to help me out here?


>Well, on my copy of Revelation X I could swear that the letters spell



>John Tz.


MY copy says, "Fuck em"

**** wrote:


>This is an unfortunate case. While I hate the scum, I think that you

>might not have a case. As far as I know, there is nothing illegal about

>publishing a person's name and personal information unless they are

>a minor or it is related to a jury.

>Now if Tarla could prove that she was harassed or threatened because

>her info was posted then she would definitely have a case. The method

>by which they found her info also comes into question. For all we know

>though, her net carrier could have sold it as a mailing list. My intuition

>tells me that the Co$ probably didn't do anything wrong and that a

>small business was strong armed into giving up the information; perhaps

>by threats of legal action or something. In which case bringing the feds

>in might be more damning than good.

>It's a little funky, freedom of privacy is assumed, but there are not many

>laws that enforce it. It would seem that a constitutional amendment

>should be in order.


It would be difficult to get this info (my real name) from my provider

since my name is not associated with the account in any manner. My

husband and I have different names, and his is not listed in the phone

book. This particular invasion of privacy took a bit of fancy


**** (MKJohnson) wrote:


>Someone posted her address? big deal, when one like myself, is in the phone



>jezzz, who we get pissed off at such slight knowledge


I'm so glad you can be blithe about MY privacy. The CoSupporters

FIRST investigated me to find out my real name, THEN published that

without my permission (for the crime of asking questions), THEN

compounded that by posting my address and phone number. None of this

is any of their fucking business and doesn't accomplish a single thing

but expose me to the vagueries of the net, but thanks for your

underwhelming sympathy.

**** (NENSLO) wrote:

NENSLO scolds:

>how that bad ol'thing snapped its big teeth at you. Tarla. You might as

>well be writing Newt Gingrich gags for Dave Barry, for all the real

>effect you'll have on this terrible threat to our freedom.


Awww Dad...I was having such a good time, though! I know it's a cheap

shot...I know they're easy...I feel a little teensy bit guilty, but

not enough to interfere with the game. I even apologised for

attacking Rick in one post because I realized that he was

developmentally disabled and though I may be a bitch sometimes, I have

a thing about kicking the stuffing out of a retarded me

an old softy, I just can't help it.


> L. Ron Hubbard is one of the people from whom NENSLO has drawn a

>great deal of inspiration, and Scientology is an organization we should

>all be trying to EMULATE, not ELIMINATE. Unless you've got something

>AGAINST being handed suitcases full of CASH that STUPID PEOPLE just GAVE

>you. People who go through their lives LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GIVE THEIR



I've got no problem parting a fool and his cash. In fact I applaud the

church for fleecing most of these assholes, because it keeps them from

buying power directly. My problem is that they're so fucking

orderly...there's NO SLACK...

> You all ought to be LEARNING from Ron. I think you al need to

>clear your Piltdown Man engrams. By the way, everybody seems to be

>focusing on the Clam Engram, apparently because it gets a write-up in

>Barefaced Messiah, but if you actually get the book, whatever it's

>called, you'll also find Ron talking about when we were PILTDOWN MEN.


I could just bite your ass for saying this^

> Folks ought to do their research, not just be quoting the latest

>pop hit. You read as much scientology as ol Nenslo has, you'll have



Believe me...when it comes to watching a handicapped person beat the

living shit out of the system, I'm looking at Ron. There are very few

paranoid megalomaniac's who can keep it together long enough to ensure


themselves a life of, power, cola, and pubescent messenger girls to

fondle. I admire him wanna talk about conning the

Con!...but the fucker is dead, and it's time to bury him....his

remains are starting to stink.




Most civilization is based on cowardice. It's so easy to

civilize by teaching cowardice.You water down the standards

which would lead to bravery.You restrain the will.You regulate

the appetites. You fence in the horizons.You make a law for

every movement. You deny the existence of chaos.You teach

even the children to breathe slowly.You tame."-Frank Herbert