Re: The Evils of "K"
Author: W'h'eezer G. Wilco
The forwarded message....
Title: Coincidence? yeah right
From: Dr. Phlatus <StudioX@talweb.com>
Date: 30 Jun 1998 14:43:12 -0400
This little item just HAPPENED to show up in my inbox today.
Subject: EuroEnglish (A Dream Com True)
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish ("Euro"
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that
the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changs vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of letrs.
Aftr zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis und evrivun vil find it ezi to undrstand
Und ze last step vil vor ze verb at ze end of ze sentens to be.
Ze drem vil finali tru hav kom.
-Rev. Dr. Wilco
First Church of Little Chocolate City