Re: The Evils of "K"

Author: W'h'eezer G. Wilco

Email: nope

Date: 1998/06/30

Forums:alt.conspiracy.retards, alt.slack

 

The forwarded message....

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Title: Coincidence? yeah right

From: Dr. Phlatus <StudioX@talweb.com>

Date: 30 Jun 1998 14:43:12 -0400

 

This little item just HAPPENED to show up in my inbox today.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Subject: EuroEnglish (A Dream Com True)

 

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has

been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European

communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a

five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish ("Euro"

for short).

 

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".

Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,

the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up

konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the

troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like

"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

 

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be

expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are

possible.

 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters, which have

always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that

the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they

would go.

 

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing

"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan

be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changs vud of kors be

aplid to ozer kombinations of letrs.

 

Aftr zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be

no mor trubls or difikultis und evrivun vil find it ezi to undrstand

ech ozer.

 

Und ze last step vil vor ze verb at ze end of ze sentens to be.

 

Ze drem vil finali tru hav kom.

 

 

 

-Rev. Dr. Wilco

http://www.talweb.com/absinth

First Church of Little Chocolate City