Subject: West Coast "tour" and How to put on Devival
From: email@example.com (Jesus Christ)
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 1997 11:42:40 GMT
On the "West Coast Tour"
Ok folks, there's been a lot of buzz so let's get to it before
things get too out of control.
The West Coast Tour as it now stands consists of one show
and that is only tentative. Crawford Smith has put forth
enough effort that we're going to shoot for a date around
March 14th in Portland, OR.
Archie McFee, according to Archie himself, is not having an
anniversary party of any kind. And in fact I felt more than a
little stupid when he laughed at me when I inquired about it.
I do not know where this came from but it certainly wasn't
from them. They have a yearly Fish Festival of some sort
in April. They had an anniversary party 2 years ago. They
would love to support us in any way, and offered to do a
book signing at the store when we came through.. and that's
Now as to what you can do to expand this tour to cities
other than Oregon....
I have reservations about just laying this down, but we're
family here (no matter how dysfunctional).
Stang's speaking fee is $2000 plus air and hotel for 2
When we perform a Devival at a college we charge a flat fee
Bars are different and vary but last year we got a guarantee
of $1500 and a percentage of the door ranging from 30-
50%. I personally ended up loosing money on this tour, and
feel, that to put on a good show, and make the trip
successful we would have to change some things, like
dramatically raising the price
These fees are extremely reasonable. Most speakers of
Stang's caliber command 10,000 per engagement. TV
personalities frequently get 50,000-100,000 and up for a
one hour lecture. I'm not trying to justify anything, I just
want to point out that we're not Rock and Roll snobs. Even
though we wish we were.
We love to tour, we love devivals. In fact I know I speak
for everyone I've done shows with when I say each of us
would put on Devivals constantly and live in poverty just to
spread the word of Dobbs. (In fact it's been very close to
this.) And you can laugh but I'm completely sincere,
whatever the reason, the Devival is one of the best reasons
for being a SubGenius.
However, I must constantly remind myself why Dobbs put
me here, and what he told me when he hired me. We must
never forget that above all Dobbs is a salesman, but more
than this, the greatest conceivable salesman. As much as
that ebony temptress known as the open road beckons to
me constantly with her sleek hills, deep valleys, and promise
of adventure I must fight her seduction to carry on "Bob's"
So, when you think of the possibility of bringing a Devival
to your town you must begin by clearing your mind. Take a
deep breath and with each exhale let go the thoughts of
your finally getting to do that rant you've been practicing in
your shower for 4 years, let go the idea of your friends
anti-music band opening the show, let go the idea of paling
around with Ivan Stang, even let go the after party, the frop,
the sex, and all that might go with the pleasures of a
Devival. Repeat the word "Bob" to your self until it is
meaningless. You must relax, empty all thoughts, all
desires, achieve the now, and be clear. Then with each
inhale you must focus ever ounce of your attention on the
only thing that is important for having a successful Devival -
-cash. Picture the money flowing into your nostrils and
into your lungs, traveling into you aveoli and into your very
blood stream, so that with each beat of heart your blood
becomes a darker green. Think money, feel money, be
Before you make even one step to the ultimate
enlightenment of Slack that we call Devival you must climb
the long and treacherous latter of faith, and that first and,
most difficult rung is made of solid gold. Before
ANYTHING you MUST have the money, or you must have
someone to put up the money for you.
It doesn't matter who it is, it may be your local college, it
may be your local club, it may be your Visa card. But
without this first and most important step you can not go
The journey is not for everyone, and those making the
climb can not make it with out people holding the latter or
giving them a shove. This support staff is not only
important, it is essential to success. (And they get all the
rewards with out taking the chance of falling off the latter!)
"Lord, what does this mean, please tell us plainly"
ok, verily, verily I say unto you, we can not and will not put
on a bad devival. We no longer can afford to put on shows
just for the Slack, "Bob" will no longer allow it, (not even
to mention someone else) Before you call me, secure the
money. You will need 3000 to 5000 dollars. The good
thing is you won't need it all at once and this is total.
Next step is to call me.
You don't need to have ever have done this before, you
don't have to be a ranter. (in fact it helps if your not).
You will have to do some work, but surprisingly little. We
handle most of it. You just have to be willing to try, and
most of all be willing to possibly loose your ass.
Otherwise, you must sit and wait to be called into action.
But I can say that without backers a West Coast Tour will
probably not happen before X-day. It may, I know that
Stang is ready to go yesterday. But we pumped a fair
amount of effort in the Midwest college gamut and I have to
work on that before looking West.
Also you do not need us to put on a Devival. You can do it
with out us, many have, some successfully (many more not
so successfully). You can also bring in just one person for a
speaking engagement (Stang, Legume, Papa Joe, etc.),
which would cut your costs dramatically. You can just have
a local preachers Devival, or clench meeting. My word of
caution for a downhome Devival is almost the opposite of
the above: Don't spend money. Get together in a free
space or a house. Do not think you will make money on it
If you are serious call me at
ask for Jesus
and lets get it on