Subject: West Coast "tour" and How to put on Devival

From: (Jesus Christ)

Date: Thu, 11 Dec 1997 11:42:40 GMT

Newsgroups: alt.slack


On the "West Coast Tour"

Ok folks, there's been a lot of buzz so let's get to it before

things get too out of control.


The West Coast Tour as it now stands consists of one show

and that is only tentative. Crawford Smith has put forth

enough effort that we're going to shoot for a date around

March 14th in Portland, OR.


Archie McFee, according to Archie himself, is not having an

anniversary party of any kind. And in fact I felt more than a

little stupid when he laughed at me when I inquired about it.

I do not know where this came from but it certainly wasn't

from them. They have a yearly Fish Festival of some sort

in April. They had an anniversary party 2 years ago. They

would love to support us in any way, and offered to do a

book signing at the store when we came through.. and that's



Now as to what you can do to expand this tour to cities

other than Oregon....


I have reservations about just laying this down, but we're

family here (no matter how dysfunctional).


Stang's speaking fee is $2000 plus air and hotel for 2


When we perform a Devival at a college we charge a flat fee

of $4000-$5000


Bars are different and vary but last year we got a guarantee

of $1500 and a percentage of the door ranging from 30-

50%. I personally ended up loosing money on this tour, and

feel, that to put on a good show, and make the trip

successful we would have to change some things, like

dramatically raising the price


These fees are extremely reasonable. Most speakers of

Stang's caliber command 10,000 per engagement. TV

personalities frequently get 50,000-100,000 and up for a

one hour lecture. I'm not trying to justify anything, I just

want to point out that we're not Rock and Roll snobs. Even

though we wish we were.


We love to tour, we love devivals. In fact I know I speak

for everyone I've done shows with when I say each of us

would put on Devivals constantly and live in poverty just to

spread the word of Dobbs. (In fact it's been very close to

this.) And you can laugh but I'm completely sincere,

whatever the reason, the Devival is one of the best reasons

for being a SubGenius.


However, I must constantly remind myself why Dobbs put

me here, and what he told me when he hired me. We must

never forget that above all Dobbs is a salesman, but more

than this, the greatest conceivable salesman. As much as

that ebony temptress known as the open road beckons to

me constantly with her sleek hills, deep valleys, and promise

of adventure I must fight her seduction to carry on "Bob's"



So, when you think of the possibility of bringing a Devival

to your town you must begin by clearing your mind. Take a

deep breath and with each exhale let go the thoughts of

your finally getting to do that rant you've been practicing in

your shower for 4 years, let go the idea of your friends

anti-music band opening the show, let go the idea of paling

around with Ivan Stang, even let go the after party, the frop,

the sex, and all that might go with the pleasures of a

Devival. Repeat the word "Bob" to your self until it is

meaningless. You must relax, empty all thoughts, all

desires, achieve the now, and be clear. Then with each

inhale you must focus ever ounce of your attention on the

only thing that is important for having a successful Devival -

-cash. Picture the money flowing into your nostrils and

into your lungs, traveling into you aveoli and into your very

blood stream, so that with each beat of heart your blood

becomes a darker green. Think money, feel money, be



Before you make even one step to the ultimate

enlightenment of Slack that we call Devival you must climb

the long and treacherous latter of faith, and that first and,

most difficult rung is made of solid gold. Before

ANYTHING you MUST have the money, or you must have

someone to put up the money for you.


It doesn't matter who it is, it may be your local college, it

may be your local club, it may be your Visa card. But

without this first and most important step you can not go

any further.


The journey is not for everyone, and those making the

climb can not make it with out people holding the latter or

giving them a shove. This support staff is not only

important, it is essential to success. (And they get all the

rewards with out taking the chance of falling off the latter!)


"Lord, what does this mean, please tell us plainly"

ok, verily, verily I say unto you, we can not and will not put

on a bad devival. We no longer can afford to put on shows

just for the Slack, "Bob" will no longer allow it, (not even

to mention someone else) Before you call me, secure the

money. You will need 3000 to 5000 dollars. The good

thing is you won't need it all at once and this is total.


Next step is to call me.


That's it.


You don't need to have ever have done this before, you

don't have to be a ranter. (in fact it helps if your not).


You will have to do some work, but surprisingly little. We

handle most of it. You just have to be willing to try, and

most of all be willing to possibly loose your ass.


Otherwise, you must sit and wait to be called into action.

But I can say that without backers a West Coast Tour will

probably not happen before X-day. It may, I know that

Stang is ready to go yesterday. But we pumped a fair

amount of effort in the Midwest college gamut and I have to

work on that before looking West.


Also you do not need us to put on a Devival. You can do it

with out us, many have, some successfully (many more not

so successfully). You can also bring in just one person for a

speaking engagement (Stang, Legume, Papa Joe, etc.),

which would cut your costs dramatically. You can just have

a local preachers Devival, or clench meeting. My word of

caution for a downhome Devival is almost the opposite of

the above: Don't spend money. Get together in a free

space or a house. Do not think you will make money on it

you won't.



If you are serious call me at


ask for Jesus

and lets get it on